I find I try to accommodate people as much as I can. I can be a pretty easy going person when it comes to things. But I'm finding more recently, maybe this is not a very good way of being.
It can really come across as being indifferent or even worse, a lack of principle. I suppose part of it comes from the fact that there is such a negative connotation to disagreeing. You know what, that's total bullshit. Why is it a negative about having a differing opinion over something than somebody else? Sure, we always say everybody is entitled to their opinions, yet it's something we all get fired up over.
Going with the flow can be great. But not all the time.
In the end, it's better for people to know how you really feel, than to just go along with stuff. Because your opinion is part of who you are, no matter how small. If you disagree with someone, then that's fine. If they don't want to know you anymore because of it, depending on what you're disagreeing over, it can be outright petty. And why agree to something just to get onto somebody's good side? Even if it's something small, it's like you're giving in your principles to appease somebody else. If it's really that small, then it should be no big deal (you would think). And if somebody takes offence to it, then wow, overblown.
There's this saying that the truth will set you free. Before I really only understood it from the level of it would free you of guilt from the lie. But now I see it in a whole new light. Stick to your guns, because at the end of the day, they'll be your greatest defender as well as your biggest advocate.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Online Dating, Take Five (I think)
Okay, so I've decided to give this online dating thing another shot at the perpetual requests of my best friend Darren.
Anybody who's been reading my blog for awhile, or knows me in real life (the chances are it's both), you know that I've been trying online dating on and off again for the last couple of years with varying results. Varying is actually being complimentary, more accurate would probably be disappointing. Don't get me wrong, I've met some great girls, but it's never gone anywhere longer than dating for a month or two. The more frequent result has been meeting a lot of girls ranging from okay to down right crazy.
Here goes nothing. *Deep Breath*
UPDATE:
I started to write this posting about a week and a half ago. Since then I've had one date, with two more scheduled. I know it hasn't been that long since I last tried it, but I forgot quite a few things about this whole dating thing.
First is how much work it is. Ploughing through profile after profile. Sometimes things catch your eye, most of them don't. Then the ones that do, reading through them, then trying to write something engaging that will coerce a response.
Anybody who's been reading my blog for awhile, or knows me in real life (the chances are it's both), you know that I've been trying online dating on and off again for the last couple of years with varying results. Varying is actually being complimentary, more accurate would probably be disappointing. Don't get me wrong, I've met some great girls, but it's never gone anywhere longer than dating for a month or two. The more frequent result has been meeting a lot of girls ranging from okay to down right crazy.
Here goes nothing. *Deep Breath*
UPDATE:
I started to write this posting about a week and a half ago. Since then I've had one date, with two more scheduled. I know it hasn't been that long since I last tried it, but I forgot quite a few things about this whole dating thing.
First is how much work it is. Ploughing through profile after profile. Sometimes things catch your eye, most of them don't. Then the ones that do, reading through them, then trying to write something engaging that will coerce a response.
Second I forgot how frustrating it can be. It's like sending out a message into outer space, you sit and wait and wait and wait, a reply is not guaranteed. At least in person, the answer is immediate, regardless if you like the answer or not.
Third is that it how it comes in waves, I could go for streaks with nothing happening. Then all of a sudden within a span of a week or two, I have to try and slot in a whole bunch of girls, without giving them the idea there's a whole bunch of girls. That, all the while trying to keep enough time to enjoy my regular activities and get the normal stuff done.
But the thing I forgot most of all, is how much fun it can be. While I complain about it, and it's emotionally draining, good things do come out of it from time to time.
Maybe the problem I had before was my approach. Maybe I've too goal oriented with the whole thing. I should just enjoy the process of meeting new girls, whether the outcome is good or bad. I never really thought about it, but forming a relationship can't be planned. It either happens or it doesn't, what I should do is focus on what's happening now and take it one date at a time.
And I guess that's the thing that I always found most frustrating about it. It's like painting a picture without a plan in mind. In the past, I would have a picture in mind, and would be trying to fill it with what I had at hand, and when that didn't pan out, it was annoying. I guess now it's more that I should enjoy painting one tree at a time, maybe a lake or some ducks. Who knows, maybe it's not even a nature landscape at all!
I suppose that's what makes it frustrating, scary, yet strangely exhilarating all at the same time.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
What if...?
I find myself lately asking a lot of what ifs. It was spurred by an evening approximately a month ago (yes, I am behind on blogging).
I was asked to sub for a vball team on a Thursday night, no problem. Funnily enough, everybody on the team is from the neighbourhood that we had moved away from almost 25 years ago. At the time I was 7, and I remember being completely devastated by the whole ordeal. I was upset for weeks, if not months. There's a photo of me on moving day, sitting in a corner crying my eyes out!
It was the only place I knew. All my friends were there, and we did everything together. Swimming lessons, skating lessons, boy scouts, soccer... we would ride our bikes around the neighbourhood and climb the fences in the backyards. There was a real sense of community there. In the neighbourhood we moved to, forget neighbourhood, there wasn't even roads built yet!
After vball was over, we all went to the bar. It was like I was entrenched in an alternate universe where what may have happened if we hadn't moved. While none of these people were my friends or even in my grade back in the early 80s, they all came from the same place. They had grown up with each other for the past 20+ years. They all went to the same barbershops, ate at the same restaurants, played on the same baseball teams, even knew random people at the bar, it was like walking into Cheers! I told one of the girls that I use to live there and had moved away. When I told her it was to Mississauga, the first thing she said was "yeah, nobody is 'from' Mississauga". That wrapped it up quite succinctly. It made me think of all the things I missed out on by my family moving. So much so, in fact it made me quite bitter inside.
This stuck with me for days, if not weeks. It made me wonder how my life would've been different if we had not moved away when I was a kid. It started making me wonder about big turning points in my life. Events that drastically changed the course of my life. How would my life be different if certain things had or had not happened. I know I've been trying very hard not to live in the past and dissect all the maybes and what ifs, which is a HUGE flaw of mine, but I really couldn't help it.
1) Moving Day
As outlined above. The area of Toronto I use to live in was a fully established, long standing neighbourhood. My mom actually spent her teens and went to high school in a neighbourhood that was close by. I was in all sorts of community activities when I lived there. When we moved, there wasn't even grass for the first year or two, let alone a swimming pool, community center, library, etc... The elementary school I was enrolled in had a total of 150-200 students, each grade having only 1 class of no more than 25 students. By contrast, the first elementary school I had in Mississauga had over 5 times that amount of students.
2) What's Your Major?
I had a pretty tough time choosing what I wanted to study in university. I applied for 5 different programs, CompSci, Accounting, Business, Physics, and my eventual major Graphic Design. I only applied for Graphic Design because I enjoyed Visual Art and a friend of a friend in my art class told me that's what he was doing. Really had no idea what Graphic Design was, but I wanted to keep doing art. In fact, initially I was rejected by my program and I had decided to take Accounting/Business at another university, until a week later when a spot opened for me in the Graphic Design program.
That would've been huge. I could've been an accountant. I would've lived away from home for university. A completely different set of experiences, during a formative time. I know one thing for sure, I wouldn't be wearing jeans, tshirt and boat shoes to work like I am right now.
3) Cheater, Cheater...
As I mentioned in previous posts, there was a girl in university that I have recently become reacquainted with. We were pretty close friends and for quite awhile I was heavily debating whether to leave my now ex gf for her. She has all the aspects that I was looking for that my ex did not, but had no ambition or drive. In hindsight, that was probably less of a deal breaker than being anti-social.
I have no idea what would've happened if I had decided to break up with my ex back then and go for it with the other girl. Maybe we'd still be together. Maybe we would've broken up shortly after. Dum dum dum!
4) The Break Up
Of course this would end up here. Let's say my ex gf and I ended up getting married? Would I have eventually succumbed to the circumstances? Would I have been stuck in an unhappy family situation? Would we have gotten divorced?
I was asked to sub for a vball team on a Thursday night, no problem. Funnily enough, everybody on the team is from the neighbourhood that we had moved away from almost 25 years ago. At the time I was 7, and I remember being completely devastated by the whole ordeal. I was upset for weeks, if not months. There's a photo of me on moving day, sitting in a corner crying my eyes out!
It was the only place I knew. All my friends were there, and we did everything together. Swimming lessons, skating lessons, boy scouts, soccer... we would ride our bikes around the neighbourhood and climb the fences in the backyards. There was a real sense of community there. In the neighbourhood we moved to, forget neighbourhood, there wasn't even roads built yet!
After vball was over, we all went to the bar. It was like I was entrenched in an alternate universe where what may have happened if we hadn't moved. While none of these people were my friends or even in my grade back in the early 80s, they all came from the same place. They had grown up with each other for the past 20+ years. They all went to the same barbershops, ate at the same restaurants, played on the same baseball teams, even knew random people at the bar, it was like walking into Cheers! I told one of the girls that I use to live there and had moved away. When I told her it was to Mississauga, the first thing she said was "yeah, nobody is 'from' Mississauga". That wrapped it up quite succinctly. It made me think of all the things I missed out on by my family moving. So much so, in fact it made me quite bitter inside.
This stuck with me for days, if not weeks. It made me wonder how my life would've been different if we had not moved away when I was a kid. It started making me wonder about big turning points in my life. Events that drastically changed the course of my life. How would my life be different if certain things had or had not happened. I know I've been trying very hard not to live in the past and dissect all the maybes and what ifs, which is a HUGE flaw of mine, but I really couldn't help it.
1) Moving Day
As outlined above. The area of Toronto I use to live in was a fully established, long standing neighbourhood. My mom actually spent her teens and went to high school in a neighbourhood that was close by. I was in all sorts of community activities when I lived there. When we moved, there wasn't even grass for the first year or two, let alone a swimming pool, community center, library, etc... The elementary school I was enrolled in had a total of 150-200 students, each grade having only 1 class of no more than 25 students. By contrast, the first elementary school I had in Mississauga had over 5 times that amount of students.
2) What's Your Major?
I had a pretty tough time choosing what I wanted to study in university. I applied for 5 different programs, CompSci, Accounting, Business, Physics, and my eventual major Graphic Design. I only applied for Graphic Design because I enjoyed Visual Art and a friend of a friend in my art class told me that's what he was doing. Really had no idea what Graphic Design was, but I wanted to keep doing art. In fact, initially I was rejected by my program and I had decided to take Accounting/Business at another university, until a week later when a spot opened for me in the Graphic Design program.
That would've been huge. I could've been an accountant. I would've lived away from home for university. A completely different set of experiences, during a formative time. I know one thing for sure, I wouldn't be wearing jeans, tshirt and boat shoes to work like I am right now.
3) Cheater, Cheater...
As I mentioned in previous posts, there was a girl in university that I have recently become reacquainted with. We were pretty close friends and for quite awhile I was heavily debating whether to leave my now ex gf for her. She has all the aspects that I was looking for that my ex did not, but had no ambition or drive. In hindsight, that was probably less of a deal breaker than being anti-social.
I have no idea what would've happened if I had decided to break up with my ex back then and go for it with the other girl. Maybe we'd still be together. Maybe we would've broken up shortly after. Dum dum dum!
4) The Break Up
Of course this would end up here. Let's say my ex gf and I ended up getting married? Would I have eventually succumbed to the circumstances? Would I have been stuck in an unhappy family situation? Would we have gotten divorced?
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