Timelines

I recently got the question "What age would you want to get married?". Before in my younger years, I'd say when I'm 30. Being very close to that now, I'm pretty sure that's impossible. But I'm not really sweating it, in fact, I'm perfectly okay with the fact that I'm not close.

I feel like I'm at this weird crossing point in my life, between youth and adulthood. While my current answer to the above question is "It'll happen whenever I meet the right person and it happens". I guess I figure things happen if and when they're suppose to happen. Benchmarks in life come in forms of events, not in terms of numbers. By trying to conform one's events to a schedule (married, kids, etc... by a certain age), puts undue pressure on people, and really end up making choices for the wrong reasons.

But I can't help but wonder how long can I go on saying that? I understand the whole, it's better to be alone than with the wrong person idea, but at some point, that probably changes in some people's minds. You see it all the time, couples who marry late in life, and you can't help but wonder whether it's out of desperation or resignation.

Now I've made a deal with myself before mentally, and now it's in writing, so hold me to it! I will by no means ever marry somebody if it comes down to that age and for those reasons. But then I have to wonder, if it did get to that point, am I meant to be single forever? I suppose it happens to people, though rarely, but one could make the argument that it should happen more often than it does.

Really this just doesn't apply to marriage alone, but everything, owning a house, having a particular lifestyle and so on. I find as the optimism of youth running thin, life has clearly become a game of balancing expectation (by one's self) and reality.

Does This Thing Come With a Manual?

I really wish life did. And even if it did, would it be any good?

Living life in theory, should be pretty easy. Be a good person, work hard and everything should be okee dokee. In practice it is much harder. When we're growing up, we're taught all sorts of "truths". Over time, you realize that they really don't hold up in the real world. I guess here are a few that I really have problems with.

1) Be nice to everybody and everybody will be nice to you.
I mean WTF is that? The biggest load of bs I can think of. While this will hold true some of the time, it can be a pretty dog eat dog world out there.

2) Good always wins over evil.
Ummmmmm no, there are enough examples of that in the news where I don't really have to say anymore.

3) Turn the other cheek.
Yeah, only if you want to get slapped again. The world is full of opportunists. You have to stand up for yourself, because after a certain point in time, you're the only one who will. I prefer "wrong me once, shame on you, wrong me twice, shame on me".

4) Everything will work out in the end.
This really I think is the biggest fallacy. You can do everything right, work the hardest you ever have, and in the end, without a little luck, nothing will ever come of things. Perhaps people would say it was not meant to be, but that only depends on whether you believe in fate.

I guess it boils down to that the world isn't black and white. I wouldn't even say that it's grey. It's more like this weird mishmash of colours. And it doesn't go in a straight line, or even a curved line. It's more like random points that are connected, sometimes things just happen and you have no idea how you got there.

Getting over the above certainly takes time, especially when it's been ingrained from kindergarten. Is this the mark of adulthood? Cynicism upon experiencing the imperfections of the real world.

Decisions, decisions - Part 2

There are so many decisions that are made each day unconsciously.

We wake up, eat breakfast, get ready and go to work. Then we come home, eat dinner, followed by however we spend our limited personal time, then go to bed. This cycle repeats over 200 times a year!

It is easy to just go through the motions. It is a conscious decision to maintain this status quo.

Even the smallest things of this routine, there's choice. These actions are more habits, from brushing your teeth, to what to have for breakfast (most people have the same or similar things everyday I find).

Then there are the bigger things that are more unconscious, they are woven into the fabric of our being. If you really wanted to, you could choose to not go into work, do something different with the personal time, choose to not be with whomever your significant other is at the time.

There's a "rut" that most people at one time or another feel they're stuck in. And we all speak as if nothing can be done about it, but change nonetheless is available to anybody at anytime. Of course there are repercussions to change. Cavities (brushing teeth), unemployment (work), hunger (breakfast) and so on and so forth.

While the above may sound rather cynical and downtrodden, there's a silver lining to this post. We're never as stuck as we think we are. Everyday is an opportunity for change. Whether for better or worse, we never know until it all plays out. But isn't progress, regardless the outcome, better than being stagnant? Why wait for tomorrow, because tomorrow may never come.

Couldn't Say it Any Better

"Some days are diamonds, 
some days are rocks."
- Tom Petty from the song Walls

The Holidays...

It's Thanksgiving Day, and I have a lot to be thankful for. Though I can't help but feel holidays are like benchmarks of time passing. Work weeks just seem to blend into each other. Even the passing of seasons now go by in a blur. Holidays (and vacations) that annually remain, for me, the time of year that is memorable.

When I was a kid, it was all about the fun and the feast. The last few years I'm starting to recognize the importance of these times of year. As it's becoming more and more rare to have people all gather together, even if it's for a limited time, it makes these times even more special.

I guess one thing that makes me wonder and sad at the same time, is that perhaps eventually this won't exist anymore. Not that the holidays will disappear, it'll just be in a different form. I've never been good at dealing with change, and have a terrible habit of not just resisting, but rebelling against it. While I understand the inevitability of evolution, I can't understand why I can't accept it.

Adulthood, Shmadulthood!

Growing up, as a kid, I thought being an adult was a sign of growth and maturity. Through time, people become better smarter, better behaved, more sophisticated.

Not being a kid anymore (though I see myself as barely an adult, maybe not even), I deal with adults much more often. A surprising realization, is that adults in a lot of ways are no better than kids, if not worse sometimes. Being an adult is only a matter of dealing with more responsibility, and sometimes not even that. But this doesn't necessarily mean a level of maturity has been met.

Perhaps as a child I held adults on this pedastal of perfection that is unachievable. And while I do not expect that now, the lack of effort at times is appalling. As if being a certain age and taking on certain responsibilities somehow make people feel they can abstain from basic good behaviour.

There's a definite divide between "grown-up" and "adult". Pettiness, jealousy, insecurity, meanness and just overall bad behaviour that I have seen from so-called mature people. When I think back to elementary school, lessons teaching the basic levels of moralistic and idealistic behaviour taught somehow are forgotten. The only difference sometimes between the 5 year old and the grown-up, is that the grown-up hides the offenses it much better.

Running Out of Time

Lately I feel like there's never enough time.

I know exactly how you feel!

In the span of a week, there's so much that has to get done. Having lived solo for the past 9 months, I've realized how much more there is to do when there's only one of you to do everything. Sure the quantity of things are less (clothing, dishes, etc...) but in the end, they're still there regardless. The cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, groceries, taking out the garbage among all the other little nuisances that add up. Pile that on top of the other necessary tasks, such as work, personal hygiene, paying bills, administrative tasks, plus optional tasks like trying to work out, badminton, reading/learning. Where does that leave room for fun, things like going out with friends/family, keeping up with tv shows and general downtime and relaxing? I find myself struggling just to keep up on regular everyday life.

Then there's the grand scheme of things. At the risk of sounding morbid, lately I've started seeing life not so much counting up, and more counting down. I would think everybody would like to lead a fulfilling, exciting life, full of experiences and adventure. But without even time to get the boring everyday stuff done, it seems even less fathomable to fit in the good stuff! I've heard the argument that you have to "make" time, but time just doesn't come out of nowhere. Don't even get me started on having the money to do all these things! And of course there are the other things, marriage, wife, kids, family, career advancement and skill development, the bigger "responsible" things.

With most people, certain things in life take a back seat. But a select few seem to be able to do it all! It makes me amazed that people somehow are able to get all these things achieved. How exactly is this happening?! If there's some sort of secret, somebody should really write a book, I'd pre-order it right now!

I guess the point of all this is that I've come to realize how valuable time is, and it pains me to only come to this conclusion so late in the game. :(