*** This post is actually from June that I never got around to posting
Never really thought I'd be thinking of this concept until I was "older". But I've been thinking about it lately, does that mean I'm "older" now?
Anyway, here's how the thought process has gone so far. At first I was thinking, what is it exactly I want to accomplish. It's a pretty broad question, there are so many areas in life, so the list could be fairly large. From there I guess I broke down life into blocks, very much in the "Up in the Air" manner. You have social (family/friends), pursuits (work/interests), material (stuff you want to obtain) and oneself (personal growth). I kinda of skimmed through this fairly casually, but I'm meaning to actually write a list down in more detail. Though another thought kind of stopped me from doing so earlier.
This thought was, what is it that makes me happy or will make me happy. Will accomplishing any of these things make me happy? Then I started thinking, are these things that I want, or goals or expectations that outside forces (other people, society as a whole, etc...) want for me? Perhaps I will feel a sense of accomplishment, but joy and accomplishment are two different things that don't always go hand in hand, and I guess can be easily confused.
Then from there it became about a definition of happiness. I guess there are many ways to happy, not just this bursting excitement. For example, I am happy that I have somewhere to live, but it's not something I celebrate. I suppose there's a happiness based on contentment, relaxation and security.
But maybe I'm over complicating things. Maybe it really all comes down to the present moment in time. Am I happy doing what I'm doing right now? I guess I figure a whole bunch of small happy moments together would culminate into general happiness over a long period of time.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
My Type
Having an interesting discussion with my boss (who is female) today at the office. It's kind of a slow day, so we were talking about attraction. We were comparing photos of two girls, one who I find attractive, and one that I don't. To me, there's a huge difference. To my surprise, my boss actually found the other girl to be more attractive! Not only that, she found that there to be little difference between their levels of attractiveness. To put it mildly, I was shocked. There was a girl who use to work for our major client that I had a HUGE crush on. My boss knows about it, she told me that she never understood what I saw in her.
From here, we started to dissect people's features, common threads amongst people we found attractive. It was interesting, because we both looked for very different features. My boss was all about the bone structure and skin tone. Where I was more about the eyes and smile. Her argument was that you could always put make up on a girl, but you need a structure underneath, and that most girls wore make up anyway. I said that I want a girl that I find attractive without make up, because most of the time if you're at home, the girl isn't going to be wearing make up.
Whenever people ask me what my type is, I usually say the girl next door type. But after our conversation, I guess it got even narrower. This isn't to say I wouldn't stray from these features, but I guess they are what I find ideally attractive.
I guess our findings were that I like a girl that is more on the cute, fresh faced, girl next door type. :P My boss called it the youthful wholesome type. Larger eyes, full lips, rounder cheeks, pointy chin. I thought about it for awhile, then compared those features to people I found attractive, and it sounded about right. Reese Witherspoon, Keri Russell, Anne Hathaway, it kind of all came together! Weirdness.
From here, we started to dissect people's features, common threads amongst people we found attractive. It was interesting, because we both looked for very different features. My boss was all about the bone structure and skin tone. Where I was more about the eyes and smile. Her argument was that you could always put make up on a girl, but you need a structure underneath, and that most girls wore make up anyway. I said that I want a girl that I find attractive without make up, because most of the time if you're at home, the girl isn't going to be wearing make up.
Whenever people ask me what my type is, I usually say the girl next door type. But after our conversation, I guess it got even narrower. This isn't to say I wouldn't stray from these features, but I guess they are what I find ideally attractive.
I guess our findings were that I like a girl that is more on the cute, fresh faced, girl next door type. :P My boss called it the youthful wholesome type. Larger eyes, full lips, rounder cheeks, pointy chin. I thought about it for awhile, then compared those features to people I found attractive, and it sounded about right. Reese Witherspoon, Keri Russell, Anne Hathaway, it kind of all came together! Weirdness.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Things You're Never Too Old For - Part 1
I always saw graduating university and having a "real" job as being benchmarks of adulthood. In hindsight, this couldn't be further from the truth. However since then, I found myself still enjoying things that I did in my youth. I remember once I asked a friend of mine who is four years older than myself, if it ever stops. He said no, at first you try to deny yourself, thinking that you've outgrown things or should be too mature to participate in such things, but eventually you will relent and succumb to the fact that it's just part of you.
1) Checking Out Girls
This particular thing is the example from the story above. While I am not as bad as I use to be when I was in my teens, it still happens. After polling different guys, it is an activity that was universal amongst all ages. My boss put it this way "The day I stop checking out women, is the day I die". Sounds about right.
2) Saturday Morning Cartoons
This one might be specific to me, but I'll still put the tv on teletoon on Saturday mornings if I'm home with a bowl of cereal and watch Teen Titans, Clone Wars or Amazing Spider Man. Sure the jokes can be cheese sometimes, but regardless the format, the stories are still the stories. And I would much rather be caught watching Dexter's Laboratory than something like Laguna Beach.
3) Celebrity Crushes
This was almost every guy's obsession when I was in high school. Who was the current hottest celebrity out there. At the time the majority chose Jennifer Aniston, though I was more of a Courtney Cox fan, I eventually switched over, the Rachel hairdo got me, her initial haircut on Friends was terrible (seriously, watch the first season, WTF was that). Over the years it's changed as celebrities' fame comes and goes.
I think it's important to have these celebrity crushes. Now before you laugh at me, hear me out. Of course we have no idea what that person is actually like, but it doesn't really matter, it has nothing to do with reality. Having a celebrity crush is like having that impossible dream that one aspires to. If one does not aspire to hope and dream, then what does one have to look forward to?
BTW, My one of current is Zooey Deschanel. She can act, she can sing, her blog is funny, has an almost equally hot older sister and she speaks French. Damn you Ben Gibbard (of Death Cab for Cutie), you are one lucky ass dude.
4) Candy
I don't mean "desserts" or junk food, I mean candy. You know, the stuff you ate as a kid that you probably rarely eat now, that's probably nothing more than food colouring and sugar. A few years ago I had pop rocks after not having them for years. It was awesome! Some other favourites include Popeye sticks (admit it, you pretended to smoke too!), Nerds and Fuzzy Peaches/Swedish Berries. I haven't had any of these in a few years, but on the rare occasion that I do, it's good stuff.
5) Playing in the Sand
I was sitting on the beach the other day, waiting for a beach volleyball game to finish. Sub consciously I just started running my hands through the sand. Picking it up and piling it it's a little mound, then flattening it and starting over again. Sometimes I'll just start making random sketches in the sand. I saw some kids making sand castles, I didn't tell anybody, but I wanted to join them! It looked like so much fun!
6) Blasting Music Really Loud and Singing Along
Growing up, everybody in our house woke up and got ready for the day at the same time. My dad use to play his music so loud that it seemed the walls were shaking from the Calypso music of the Mighty Sparrow. Eventually my brother would blast whatever the Hip Hop choice of the day was. From my room would be some form of Alt Rock. Walking in the hallway upstairs, you would be bombarded with three sources of music.
Now that I live on my own, I still do that every morning. And if my dad could do it well into middle age, I don't see why I still can't either.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Summer 2011 Update
Okay so it's been quite a long time since I've written one of these. I've been meaning to for awhile, but haven't really had the time. I guess here's a quick rundown
1) Beach Volleyball
I've always liked playing volleyball, but never really had the time for it. But I was so sick and tired of doing the same thing, that it was time (actually way overdue) to mix things up. I haven't met a whole new group of people where I didn't know anybody for a really long time. It's quite an intimidating situation to be in. I figured I'll try it once, if it's terrible, then what's the big deal, it's only one night. The people were really cool and now I'm doing it a few times a week. The people are way better than the people at badminton. Okay that's not really true, it's more that they're different. I mean a whole bunch of asian guys sitting around a gym, yeah you guys are cool and all, but it's no beach full of a variety of people. On that note...
2) No More Badminton
Oh man, I can't begin to describe how sick of badminton I am. While I owe plenty to the sport, I just can't keep playing. Maybe in the winter I will change my mind, but there's only so much you can talk about with middle aged people or fresh grads/students.
3) Goodbye Internet Dating
Yeah, I'm done with that I think for awhile. I admit that I did try it just once recently with mediocre results, but since the spring, I've decided to give it a rest. I really don't think it's for me. There's just something unnatural about meeting somebody from a dating site. For those who it has worked for, congratulations to you, but it's just not for me.
4) Hello Real World Dating
So this is a new one. On a few occasions is "real life", I've encountered women who I've struck up a conversation with. But I have yet to pull the trigger on actually asking for a phone number or a date. I know I have to make this leap for it to actually go anywhere, but for now I'm satisfied with baby steps. Not so new discovery, the supermarket is an awesome place to meet people.
5) It's like 90210/Melrose Place/The OC/Dawson's Creek
Jumping into new social circles comes with its variety of situations. It's an interesting perspective as an outsider, you get to observe and see people interact. What relationships are what, how people are and perhaps what their intentions might be. My guess is that most people are single, because if you're not, how would you have the time to spend 3-4 nights at the beach? Plus you see it in the interactions, people are trying to pick up other people, some are more obvious than others. You can tell who isn't single, because you see them with much less frequency. It's like a real life soap opera.
6) Dating With Kids
On more than one occasion now, I've encountered women with kids. They were very interesting, and we had a great time talking, but once the "K" word came along, dum dum dum! I'm still not sure what to do with this one. I really am not in a stage in my life where I can see jumping into daddy mode anytime soon. And it would be very unfair to sell that to somebody. But I can't help but think to myself whether or not I might be missing out on somebody who could be amazing.
7) Politics/Power Tripping
This jump into a new social circle has also made me see again how the world is made up of different people. I'm completely surprised by the amount of politics there are in the beach volleyball scene. It really brings out the not so hidden agendas of people.
It's like using the ownership of the beach vball net as a form of social currency. First of all, I get that it's your net and it's really up to you how things are run, but the power trip that goes along with it isn't necessary. Doesn't make you fucking king of the world. Second of all, girls fall for this shit? If so, then as a gender, you're not "smarter" than how it is sometimes portrayed.
Then of course there are the suck ups, the peons, the minions, it's retarded. I'm completely blown away how quickly somebody is willing to kiss ass.
8) Priority Shakedown
I really do believe in life going in close to 5 year cycles, where there's a huge transition based on changing situations and needs/priorities. When I first started this blog, I think I wrote that I felt as if I was right at the beginning of a new one. I can see how it's changing in other people as well. I find myself talking less with my best friend. I'm pretty sure a lot of that has to do with our differing priorities and viewpoints on things. For the last few months, he's been complaining to me about how the guys in his group of friends (whom a couple have become my friends), have been drifting away. So for awhile I felt bad about it, but at the same time I'm also not sorry either.
Recently I've taken up golfing with a bunch of them, spending 4 hours on a course with people, you get to know them pretty well. And I've kind of come up with what's been happening. People are growing and changing, all going through that shift around the same time, but in different ways. This made me feel better for a couple reasons.
First is that, it's that everybody is changing, and it's not on purpose that people are drifting apart. It just happens, and there's nothing wrong with that. Then once everybody settles, then your social situation realigns to other people who are in the same boat. It only makes sense.
Second is that it's up to each individual to choose whether to move on, or to complain. Nobody is going to be sorry that their lives are changing, nor should they have to.
1) Beach Volleyball
I've always liked playing volleyball, but never really had the time for it. But I was so sick and tired of doing the same thing, that it was time (actually way overdue) to mix things up. I haven't met a whole new group of people where I didn't know anybody for a really long time. It's quite an intimidating situation to be in. I figured I'll try it once, if it's terrible, then what's the big deal, it's only one night. The people were really cool and now I'm doing it a few times a week. The people are way better than the people at badminton. Okay that's not really true, it's more that they're different. I mean a whole bunch of asian guys sitting around a gym, yeah you guys are cool and all, but it's no beach full of a variety of people. On that note...
2) No More Badminton
Oh man, I can't begin to describe how sick of badminton I am. While I owe plenty to the sport, I just can't keep playing. Maybe in the winter I will change my mind, but there's only so much you can talk about with middle aged people or fresh grads/students.
3) Goodbye Internet Dating
Yeah, I'm done with that I think for awhile. I admit that I did try it just once recently with mediocre results, but since the spring, I've decided to give it a rest. I really don't think it's for me. There's just something unnatural about meeting somebody from a dating site. For those who it has worked for, congratulations to you, but it's just not for me.
4) Hello Real World Dating
So this is a new one. On a few occasions is "real life", I've encountered women who I've struck up a conversation with. But I have yet to pull the trigger on actually asking for a phone number or a date. I know I have to make this leap for it to actually go anywhere, but for now I'm satisfied with baby steps. Not so new discovery, the supermarket is an awesome place to meet people.
5) It's like 90210/Melrose Place/The OC/Dawson's Creek
Jumping into new social circles comes with its variety of situations. It's an interesting perspective as an outsider, you get to observe and see people interact. What relationships are what, how people are and perhaps what their intentions might be. My guess is that most people are single, because if you're not, how would you have the time to spend 3-4 nights at the beach? Plus you see it in the interactions, people are trying to pick up other people, some are more obvious than others. You can tell who isn't single, because you see them with much less frequency. It's like a real life soap opera.
6) Dating With Kids
On more than one occasion now, I've encountered women with kids. They were very interesting, and we had a great time talking, but once the "K" word came along, dum dum dum! I'm still not sure what to do with this one. I really am not in a stage in my life where I can see jumping into daddy mode anytime soon. And it would be very unfair to sell that to somebody. But I can't help but think to myself whether or not I might be missing out on somebody who could be amazing.
7) Politics/Power Tripping
This jump into a new social circle has also made me see again how the world is made up of different people. I'm completely surprised by the amount of politics there are in the beach volleyball scene. It really brings out the not so hidden agendas of people.
It's like using the ownership of the beach vball net as a form of social currency. First of all, I get that it's your net and it's really up to you how things are run, but the power trip that goes along with it isn't necessary. Doesn't make you fucking king of the world. Second of all, girls fall for this shit? If so, then as a gender, you're not "smarter" than how it is sometimes portrayed.
Then of course there are the suck ups, the peons, the minions, it's retarded. I'm completely blown away how quickly somebody is willing to kiss ass.
8) Priority Shakedown
I really do believe in life going in close to 5 year cycles, where there's a huge transition based on changing situations and needs/priorities. When I first started this blog, I think I wrote that I felt as if I was right at the beginning of a new one. I can see how it's changing in other people as well. I find myself talking less with my best friend. I'm pretty sure a lot of that has to do with our differing priorities and viewpoints on things. For the last few months, he's been complaining to me about how the guys in his group of friends (whom a couple have become my friends), have been drifting away. So for awhile I felt bad about it, but at the same time I'm also not sorry either.
Recently I've taken up golfing with a bunch of them, spending 4 hours on a course with people, you get to know them pretty well. And I've kind of come up with what's been happening. People are growing and changing, all going through that shift around the same time, but in different ways. This made me feel better for a couple reasons.
First is that, it's that everybody is changing, and it's not on purpose that people are drifting apart. It just happens, and there's nothing wrong with that. Then once everybody settles, then your social situation realigns to other people who are in the same boat. It only makes sense.
Second is that it's up to each individual to choose whether to move on, or to complain. Nobody is going to be sorry that their lives are changing, nor should they have to.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Sidestepping Darwin
In Darwin's Origin of Species, the strongest survive. You ever get the feeling that our society has become so overwrought with our political correctness and sensitivity, that we're somehow overriding nature? It's as if we're trying to accommodate the lowest of the low. On a large scale, social services such as welfare gets abused by the lazy. Kids are "not allowed" to fail a grade in elementary school, as not to hurt their fragile self-esteem. On a small scale, it seems like we have warning signs for every little tiny thing. May as well have a disclaimer on paper saying "careful of edges, may cause papercuts".
Because of this, we allow the weakest to survive at the cost of the greater society. Middle and upper class have to pull up the weight of the stragglers, common sense needs to be pointed out as to make sure that even the most intellectually devoid person will not fall into some sort of accident. I was reading an interview with Clint Eastwood a few months ago, where he stated, men use to be a lot tougher. And I really have to agree to an extent, society has made the world such a cushy place. This whole notion of leave nobody behind. Maybe people need to be left behind, in this regard we are circumventing evolution. The human race is in fact getting weaker/stupider in a way by not only allowing the weak to survive, but to reproduce!
Here's an example, everybody now knows that smoking is unhealthy, we plaster HUGE warnings and spend tens of millions on commercials. Trust me, we got the message. Yet people still do it, and it's not as if the warnings didn't get to them, especially in this information driven age. I say, let them puff their fuckin lungs out. Then of course they get lung cancer or some shit that I have to pay my taxes into OHIP because they didn't "listen"? WTF is that?
Socialism/communism exists as a utopian concept, in real world practice it would never work, yet we're moving closer and closer towards this. It is always taken advantage of by corruption of the administration and by the weakest links being dragged along. It also has a way of creating a malaise amongst its working class, as performance has no bearing as to the reward.
In school, I'd do fairly well, what I didn't understand was that there were kids that would fail everything miserably, whether due to disinterest or lack of ability. I'm not saying they're useless, but this is just not their area of strength, which is fine. But what would really get me is how year after year, they get passed through. Now as an adult, things like this bug me even more. So the same people (perhaps), I now have to pay inflated taxes, not only to make sure the slackers are taken care of. My "income" is now also going to fund the education of kids who have no desire at all to be there, or even worse, to distract and take away educational value from kids who actually do? To top it all off, to pad the wallets of the politicians, to whom the best of my knowledge, are as corrupt as they come?
Because of this, we allow the weakest to survive at the cost of the greater society. Middle and upper class have to pull up the weight of the stragglers, common sense needs to be pointed out as to make sure that even the most intellectually devoid person will not fall into some sort of accident. I was reading an interview with Clint Eastwood a few months ago, where he stated, men use to be a lot tougher. And I really have to agree to an extent, society has made the world such a cushy place. This whole notion of leave nobody behind. Maybe people need to be left behind, in this regard we are circumventing evolution. The human race is in fact getting weaker/stupider in a way by not only allowing the weak to survive, but to reproduce!
Here's an example, everybody now knows that smoking is unhealthy, we plaster HUGE warnings and spend tens of millions on commercials. Trust me, we got the message. Yet people still do it, and it's not as if the warnings didn't get to them, especially in this information driven age. I say, let them puff their fuckin lungs out. Then of course they get lung cancer or some shit that I have to pay my taxes into OHIP because they didn't "listen"? WTF is that?
Socialism/communism exists as a utopian concept, in real world practice it would never work, yet we're moving closer and closer towards this. It is always taken advantage of by corruption of the administration and by the weakest links being dragged along. It also has a way of creating a malaise amongst its working class, as performance has no bearing as to the reward.
In school, I'd do fairly well, what I didn't understand was that there were kids that would fail everything miserably, whether due to disinterest or lack of ability. I'm not saying they're useless, but this is just not their area of strength, which is fine. But what would really get me is how year after year, they get passed through. Now as an adult, things like this bug me even more. So the same people (perhaps), I now have to pay inflated taxes, not only to make sure the slackers are taken care of. My "income" is now also going to fund the education of kids who have no desire at all to be there, or even worse, to distract and take away educational value from kids who actually do? To top it all off, to pad the wallets of the politicians, to whom the best of my knowledge, are as corrupt as they come?
Friday, May 27, 2011
"Don't you want a girlfriend?"
This question was asked to me tonight during a conversation I had with a previous friend recently (reference previous blog post). I decided to make a separate post for this, since this questions spurred on a whole bunch of thoughts at once.
I was surprised that right away I didn't go "yeah of course!" right away. My answer was more like "well it would be nice, though I guess I'm getting use to being on my own, I am dating though, but I'm fairly okay with the way things are now". I suppose that's a good sign. Must mean I'm content being single.
His response after though did strike a bit of an alert in me, which was "if you want one, better get on that" as if time is running out. I suppose the original question was posed in a way, as if it's as easy as going to the store and picking one up. It's really not that simple, and I'm not looking for some short term, just for fun relationship. I was in a relationship that I knew wasn't right for me for so long, I don't really want to waste my time in the same situation. While my dating life has been filled with girls that have turned me down, I have also turned down a few girls as well. If I were to just stay with them because they were available and willing, where would that really get me? Probably right back here in a short amount of time.
Now while I don't think I'm running out of time per se, I understand what he means. It's not like the dating pool is growing, (with divorce on the increase, perhaps that's not entirely true), but I don't want to feel like I'm in a hurry to find somebody. I've already done that once, and I ended up with a crazy one. But at the same time, I don't want to end up like the guy at the end of musical chairs, when the music stops, I don't have a seat. I'm pretty sure I'm too young to approach this as some sort of rush to walk a girl down to the altar, but with my peers getting married and having kids, it's difficult to not have the feeling of being left behind.
So I guess my answer is I do want one, but the right one. I suppose the problem is, you can't get to the right one, without going through a bunch of wrong ones.
:S FML (yeah, I hate the acronym, but I find it's fitting)
I was surprised that right away I didn't go "yeah of course!" right away. My answer was more like "well it would be nice, though I guess I'm getting use to being on my own, I am dating though, but I'm fairly okay with the way things are now". I suppose that's a good sign. Must mean I'm content being single.
His response after though did strike a bit of an alert in me, which was "if you want one, better get on that" as if time is running out. I suppose the original question was posed in a way, as if it's as easy as going to the store and picking one up. It's really not that simple, and I'm not looking for some short term, just for fun relationship. I was in a relationship that I knew wasn't right for me for so long, I don't really want to waste my time in the same situation. While my dating life has been filled with girls that have turned me down, I have also turned down a few girls as well. If I were to just stay with them because they were available and willing, where would that really get me? Probably right back here in a short amount of time.
Now while I don't think I'm running out of time per se, I understand what he means. It's not like the dating pool is growing, (with divorce on the increase, perhaps that's not entirely true), but I don't want to feel like I'm in a hurry to find somebody. I've already done that once, and I ended up with a crazy one. But at the same time, I don't want to end up like the guy at the end of musical chairs, when the music stops, I don't have a seat. I'm pretty sure I'm too young to approach this as some sort of rush to walk a girl down to the altar, but with my peers getting married and having kids, it's difficult to not have the feeling of being left behind.
So I guess my answer is I do want one, but the right one. I suppose the problem is, you can't get to the right one, without going through a bunch of wrong ones.
:S FML (yeah, I hate the acronym, but I find it's fitting)
Coming Full Circle
Tonight I met up with somebody whom I haven't seen for a long time. Over the past few years, I've seen him a few times, but never had a conversation over 15 minutes. This person was my best friend in high school. The last time we actually sat and talked, was probably around 12+ years ago.
Somewhat out of the blue, he sent me a message on Facebook, suggesting we meet and catch up. With some admitted hesitation, I decided it would be a good idea. The reason I approached this with hesitation was because I was probably the biggest reason we did not stay friends. My girlfriend at the time was overly possessive and did not want me to stay friends with my group of friends at the time. Being young, naive and wanting to please my girlfriend, I obliged unwillingly. The last time that I bumped into the guy over a year ago, lets just say he didn't exactly let me forget that.
Anyway, so we met up, exchanged the customary guy hug, sat and had a coffee and talked. Interestingly, it took only a very short period of time to catch somebody up on over 10 years of happenings. Basically went something like, went to university, got a job, stayed with the girlfriend, moved in with the girlfriend, broke up, moved out on my own, now I'm here. His story was relatively similar, went to university, got a job, married his girlfriend, got divorced, moved out on his own, found a new girlfriend. That conversation lasted not too long over 15 minutes.
It's surprising to me, how the past is quickly added up. My mind quickly thought, is this going to be the extent of the conversation? Was this a waste of time? The talk then shifted over quickly to what we were currently doing in our lives, mostly about work, hobbies, friends, family, etc... What I quickly found out was, that despite so much time passing by, we were both very different people than when we first became friends over 15 years ago, but at the same time we were still very much the same. I guess that over time, you grow and mature, but the core person who you really are stays the same.
This got me to thinking about shortly after Shelley (screw it, I'm using names) and I first broke up. I started to revisit my life before her. Started picking up the same hobbies and interests that I had given up on so many years ago. In a way I started becoming happier as I was rediscovering who I was as "Dave" rather than "Dave and Shelley". I had forgot how happy I was as just "Dave". Sure back then I wanted a girlfriend, and now it would be nice too, but looking back on it, I realize that I was happy back then, and I guess I'm trying to be just as happy now. I don't know if that's possible, after realizing what it's like to have a relationship of that magnitude, and the hole that it leaves.
It was interesting when I told him that I started to get back into things that I had brushed aside when Shelley and I started to date more seriously. This was my best friend at the time who I had brushed aside as well. While I highly doubt that we'll be hanging out all the time like we use to, maybe we'll start hanging out again occasionally.
It made me think, am I coming full circle?
Somewhat out of the blue, he sent me a message on Facebook, suggesting we meet and catch up. With some admitted hesitation, I decided it would be a good idea. The reason I approached this with hesitation was because I was probably the biggest reason we did not stay friends. My girlfriend at the time was overly possessive and did not want me to stay friends with my group of friends at the time. Being young, naive and wanting to please my girlfriend, I obliged unwillingly. The last time that I bumped into the guy over a year ago, lets just say he didn't exactly let me forget that.
Anyway, so we met up, exchanged the customary guy hug, sat and had a coffee and talked. Interestingly, it took only a very short period of time to catch somebody up on over 10 years of happenings. Basically went something like, went to university, got a job, stayed with the girlfriend, moved in with the girlfriend, broke up, moved out on my own, now I'm here. His story was relatively similar, went to university, got a job, married his girlfriend, got divorced, moved out on his own, found a new girlfriend. That conversation lasted not too long over 15 minutes.
It's surprising to me, how the past is quickly added up. My mind quickly thought, is this going to be the extent of the conversation? Was this a waste of time? The talk then shifted over quickly to what we were currently doing in our lives, mostly about work, hobbies, friends, family, etc... What I quickly found out was, that despite so much time passing by, we were both very different people than when we first became friends over 15 years ago, but at the same time we were still very much the same. I guess that over time, you grow and mature, but the core person who you really are stays the same.
This got me to thinking about shortly after Shelley (screw it, I'm using names) and I first broke up. I started to revisit my life before her. Started picking up the same hobbies and interests that I had given up on so many years ago. In a way I started becoming happier as I was rediscovering who I was as "Dave" rather than "Dave and Shelley". I had forgot how happy I was as just "Dave". Sure back then I wanted a girlfriend, and now it would be nice too, but looking back on it, I realize that I was happy back then, and I guess I'm trying to be just as happy now. I don't know if that's possible, after realizing what it's like to have a relationship of that magnitude, and the hole that it leaves.
It was interesting when I told him that I started to get back into things that I had brushed aside when Shelley and I started to date more seriously. This was my best friend at the time who I had brushed aside as well. While I highly doubt that we'll be hanging out all the time like we use to, maybe we'll start hanging out again occasionally.
It made me think, am I coming full circle?
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