Separating the Women from the Girls

This past week, I've had varying experiences with girls, but I'd like to talk about one experience in particular.

I have to say us guys can get a bum rap when it comes to the whole maturity issue. I think it's a very individualistic quality. From the past few posts, there's this girl from volleyball that I've been interested in awhile. We've spent a few times together outside of volleyball. It's interesting to see a person in one venue and then another. All sorts of things come out. For starters her immaturity. In hindsight, I suppose I could've expected as much, there's an age difference. At volleyball, everything is fun and games, but as soon as you start talking about 'real' stuff, it's a whole other ball game.

Okay, this is what's honestly bugging me. Girls say they want relationships, but are they ready with all the stuff that comes with it? So this girl is talking about her boyfriend wants kids in 3-4 years. That's not really a long time away, but her auto-response was "no way". Then starts going on about how he's so old (granted he's 10 years older than her). I'm thinking, he's in a different stage in his life, he wants a relationship that has long term future written all over it. He's not messing around, just to have a good time. By her reaction to his declaration about having kids, you can tell two things. First, is that she's pretty self centred, only looking at it from her point of view. Without giving away numbers, a lot of people his age has at least one kid by then. Second, is that she still wants her freedom. That her life should go on unimpeded by anything or anybody.

After finding all of this out, I've lost interest in her. She might want a relationship, but she isn't really ready for one. It's not all rainbows, fairy tales and ponies and shit, it's a lot of work. And frankly it's a lot of compromise and sacrifice. Not to make it sound terrible, but relationships and freedom do not go hand in hand. You're bound to somebody, at that point, it's not your story alone.

If you don't want that, then don't say you want a relationship. Girls, you might be fun, but at this point in my life, I need a woman.

And even when your hope is gone...

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
[x3]

(Move along)
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along

The Back Up

I think this concept may be something that a significant portion of single (and perhaps non-single) people may have encountered at one point or another. It's the concept of have a 'back-up'. For those who are unaware of what I mean, there are 2 ways which this occurs.

1) When two people say that if they are both not married by a certain age, they'll marry each other.

or

2) When two people are single (and sometimes not), use each other as that relationship 'filler', usually until one of them finds somebody.

Perhaps the most famous pop culture reference of recent that I can think of that covered this topic, was on the show Friends, where Phoebe had designated both Joey and Ross as her back up.

It makes a certain amount of logistical sense. It's a relationship safety net of sorts. People back up all sorts of things, why not people? And from talking to friends of late, it seems it is fairly wide spread. Even if people don't think they have one (or wouldn't admit it), I think sub-consciouly they would name somebody.

I have to admit I've been on both ends of the equation.

Having a back-up is a double edge sword. There's a sense of security that comes with it, where you can relax and be yourself with the person that you're with. The negative though, is it can bring about laziness, because you always feel there's a fail safe.

Playing a back up for somebody is the same deal. You have company when you're single, which is comforting. It's somewhat flattering to think somebody appreciates your company. But it's a bit of a back handed compliment as well. It's insulting to think, you're basically second choice, or probably not even. It's almost like 'meh, you'll do'. Things also get dicey when one of the people find somebody else, now all of a sudden one party is left in a lurch.

After thinking about this the last while, I've begun to think that while it's common and comfortable, the whole notion of a back-up, isn't the best idea. It leads to complacency, hurt feelings, neglect and a lack of urgency.

The Waiting Game

So I haven't really dated in close to a year. I went on a couple random ones here and there, but decided to take a break. Now I've slowly eased myself back into it.

What I absolutely can't stand is the waiting game. So here's some background info. I met this girl at a gathering and we got along well (at least in my estimation). So I asked our mutual friend (whom I'm also kind of interested, but is currently spoken for, but that's another story), to ask her if it'd be okay if I call/msg her sometime. She said yes and gave me her number and facebook profile link. So I was pretty happy about this. I added her to facebook, the next day she approved, the day after that I sent a message.

What I failed to remember is that, sure somebody gives you their info, but that doesn't mean they'll reply or pick up your phone call. While it's been less than 24 hours since I sent the message, the silence is deafening. I know she's not doing it on purpose, but you end up going stir crazy just waiting. I mean I can occupy myself with other things, but it's always there. I suppose I should look at it as if she doesn't respond, no big deal. And in the grand scheme of things, it isn't. Not to sound like I'm already expecting her to not message me back, but if she doesn't, I already know I'll take it harder than I should. Sure it's not the nicest thing, but you can't control what other people do, just how you react to it.

Just have to keep reminding myself. And forget at the same time. Bah!

A Job's a Job

Okay, I've written pretty extensively about work I think in my blog. I work in a creative field and I've come to realize this quite awhile ago.

I honestly don't care.

I do not have the wherewithal to fight over this shade of blue over that shade of blue, if this font or that font is better. It's all really fluff and doesn't matter a whole lot. I figure if I'm not in charge (which I'm fine with), then I'm not going to waste my breath fighting over such trivial matters. This mentality seems to bother people who are in the same field. They feel I should care more.

I'm somewhat concerned about these people. To fret over such little things, I can only imagine what kind of self imposed stress they must be under. To be as anal as to argue over the position of an element by 1/16th of an inch. It explains a lot, to these people's main concerns of vanity and superficialities.

There are other people who are making much more critical decisions in their day, the direction of the treatment of a patient, public policies being approved, etc... These decisions warrant such concern. In the grand scheme of things, these decisions carry much more weight than whether this headline should be 9pt type or 8pt type.

Dreams We Have as Children

I absolutely love Noel Gallagher's songwriting. Anybody that knows me can attest to this. I'm driving in the car and listening to his song Dreams We Have as Children. It's one of his lesser known songs, admittedly it's one that I haven't listened to all that often. The lyrics started to make me think. Here's the main line of the chorus.

While we're living
The dreams we have as children
Fade away

As I'm singing away in the car, I think about the lyrics. About things I use to dream about, things that I thought would happen. It made me realize how much I miss the innocence, and to an extent the fearlessness and even the brashness that comes with it. To think that anything is possible. Here are/were a few (don't laugh, it was naive, I know):

Play sports for a living

Have a super gigantic house (may as well be a commune) where all my friends and extended family could live.

Retire at 45

Meet the perfect woman and have the perfect family (there's no such thing as perfect)

Be able to eat whatever I wanted and still be healthy

Dreams have scaled down into ambitions, and again into goals. Goals which are within arms' reach. Everything now seems so calculated and deliberate, a matter of time and work. There's no magic anymore, the impossible is exactly that. No longer do I long for the extraordinary, but to simply hope to keep up with the ordinary.

Year in Review

I was watching television the other day and noticed all the Christmas and Year in Review specials. I went back to my New Years Resolution post from last year and took a look at it. 3 out of 6 isn't bad, but it could certainly be a lot better.

While I should go back an revisit the 3 that I did not accomplish, I have just one resolution this year that encompasses everything really. It came about in a conversation I had with a group of friends yesterday, and really it's just one line that succinctly covers probably my biggest problem.

1) Grow a pair.

I noticed from reading my posts and comments from others in general, that there's an overarching theme in my life. It's that I don't have the gumption to really go after what I want. Partly out of fear of failure/rejection, partly out of laziness, amongst many other reasons. And it's not that I don't want these things in my life. Canadian culture in general is one of complacency and overly political correctness. We have a problem stepping on toes and afraid of our own shadows. Add that to the conservative asian background and an upbringing of a long line of worriers and overly cautious people, and voila, you end up with me.

So I thought this line summed it up pretty well.

So it's about time to man up!