This question was asked to me tonight during a conversation I had with a previous friend recently (reference previous blog post). I decided to make a separate post for this, since this questions spurred on a whole bunch of thoughts at once.
I was surprised that right away I didn't go "yeah of course!" right away. My answer was more like "well it would be nice, though I guess I'm getting use to being on my own, I am dating though, but I'm fairly okay with the way things are now". I suppose that's a good sign. Must mean I'm content being single.
His response after though did strike a bit of an alert in me, which was "if you want one, better get on that" as if time is running out. I suppose the original question was posed in a way, as if it's as easy as going to the store and picking one up. It's really not that simple, and I'm not looking for some short term, just for fun relationship. I was in a relationship that I knew wasn't right for me for so long, I don't really want to waste my time in the same situation. While my dating life has been filled with girls that have turned me down, I have also turned down a few girls as well. If I were to just stay with them because they were available and willing, where would that really get me? Probably right back here in a short amount of time.
Now while I don't think I'm running out of time per se, I understand what he means. It's not like the dating pool is growing, (with divorce on the increase, perhaps that's not entirely true), but I don't want to feel like I'm in a hurry to find somebody. I've already done that once, and I ended up with a crazy one. But at the same time, I don't want to end up like the guy at the end of musical chairs, when the music stops, I don't have a seat. I'm pretty sure I'm too young to approach this as some sort of rush to walk a girl down to the altar, but with my peers getting married and having kids, it's difficult to not have the feeling of being left behind.
So I guess my answer is I do want one, but the right one. I suppose the problem is, you can't get to the right one, without going through a bunch of wrong ones.
:S FML (yeah, I hate the acronym, but I find it's fitting)
Friday, May 27, 2011
Coming Full Circle
Tonight I met up with somebody whom I haven't seen for a long time. Over the past few years, I've seen him a few times, but never had a conversation over 15 minutes. This person was my best friend in high school. The last time we actually sat and talked, was probably around 12+ years ago.
Somewhat out of the blue, he sent me a message on Facebook, suggesting we meet and catch up. With some admitted hesitation, I decided it would be a good idea. The reason I approached this with hesitation was because I was probably the biggest reason we did not stay friends. My girlfriend at the time was overly possessive and did not want me to stay friends with my group of friends at the time. Being young, naive and wanting to please my girlfriend, I obliged unwillingly. The last time that I bumped into the guy over a year ago, lets just say he didn't exactly let me forget that.
Anyway, so we met up, exchanged the customary guy hug, sat and had a coffee and talked. Interestingly, it took only a very short period of time to catch somebody up on over 10 years of happenings. Basically went something like, went to university, got a job, stayed with the girlfriend, moved in with the girlfriend, broke up, moved out on my own, now I'm here. His story was relatively similar, went to university, got a job, married his girlfriend, got divorced, moved out on his own, found a new girlfriend. That conversation lasted not too long over 15 minutes.
It's surprising to me, how the past is quickly added up. My mind quickly thought, is this going to be the extent of the conversation? Was this a waste of time? The talk then shifted over quickly to what we were currently doing in our lives, mostly about work, hobbies, friends, family, etc... What I quickly found out was, that despite so much time passing by, we were both very different people than when we first became friends over 15 years ago, but at the same time we were still very much the same. I guess that over time, you grow and mature, but the core person who you really are stays the same.
This got me to thinking about shortly after Shelley (screw it, I'm using names) and I first broke up. I started to revisit my life before her. Started picking up the same hobbies and interests that I had given up on so many years ago. In a way I started becoming happier as I was rediscovering who I was as "Dave" rather than "Dave and Shelley". I had forgot how happy I was as just "Dave". Sure back then I wanted a girlfriend, and now it would be nice too, but looking back on it, I realize that I was happy back then, and I guess I'm trying to be just as happy now. I don't know if that's possible, after realizing what it's like to have a relationship of that magnitude, and the hole that it leaves.
It was interesting when I told him that I started to get back into things that I had brushed aside when Shelley and I started to date more seriously. This was my best friend at the time who I had brushed aside as well. While I highly doubt that we'll be hanging out all the time like we use to, maybe we'll start hanging out again occasionally.
It made me think, am I coming full circle?
Somewhat out of the blue, he sent me a message on Facebook, suggesting we meet and catch up. With some admitted hesitation, I decided it would be a good idea. The reason I approached this with hesitation was because I was probably the biggest reason we did not stay friends. My girlfriend at the time was overly possessive and did not want me to stay friends with my group of friends at the time. Being young, naive and wanting to please my girlfriend, I obliged unwillingly. The last time that I bumped into the guy over a year ago, lets just say he didn't exactly let me forget that.
Anyway, so we met up, exchanged the customary guy hug, sat and had a coffee and talked. Interestingly, it took only a very short period of time to catch somebody up on over 10 years of happenings. Basically went something like, went to university, got a job, stayed with the girlfriend, moved in with the girlfriend, broke up, moved out on my own, now I'm here. His story was relatively similar, went to university, got a job, married his girlfriend, got divorced, moved out on his own, found a new girlfriend. That conversation lasted not too long over 15 minutes.
It's surprising to me, how the past is quickly added up. My mind quickly thought, is this going to be the extent of the conversation? Was this a waste of time? The talk then shifted over quickly to what we were currently doing in our lives, mostly about work, hobbies, friends, family, etc... What I quickly found out was, that despite so much time passing by, we were both very different people than when we first became friends over 15 years ago, but at the same time we were still very much the same. I guess that over time, you grow and mature, but the core person who you really are stays the same.
This got me to thinking about shortly after Shelley (screw it, I'm using names) and I first broke up. I started to revisit my life before her. Started picking up the same hobbies and interests that I had given up on so many years ago. In a way I started becoming happier as I was rediscovering who I was as "Dave" rather than "Dave and Shelley". I had forgot how happy I was as just "Dave". Sure back then I wanted a girlfriend, and now it would be nice too, but looking back on it, I realize that I was happy back then, and I guess I'm trying to be just as happy now. I don't know if that's possible, after realizing what it's like to have a relationship of that magnitude, and the hole that it leaves.
It was interesting when I told him that I started to get back into things that I had brushed aside when Shelley and I started to date more seriously. This was my best friend at the time who I had brushed aside as well. While I highly doubt that we'll be hanging out all the time like we use to, maybe we'll start hanging out again occasionally.
It made me think, am I coming full circle?
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Breaking Away From Consumerism
Living in a world, particularly in Western society, there is always a push for more. More of what? Everything!
But how much is enough? Is more really buying me greater anything, when with the way things are, a bigger, better version will be pitched to me in the foreseeable future?
For this reason, I'm thinking about getting rid of a ton of things. Things that don't make me happy, aren't contributing to my life in any way is just baggage.
At this point, experiences seem like a more worthwhile investment. How much more stuff do I need? And at this point, that's exactly what it is. Stuff, meaningless filler.
But how much is enough? Is more really buying me greater anything, when with the way things are, a bigger, better version will be pitched to me in the foreseeable future?
For this reason, I'm thinking about getting rid of a ton of things. Things that don't make me happy, aren't contributing to my life in any way is just baggage.
At this point, experiences seem like a more worthwhile investment. How much more stuff do I need? And at this point, that's exactly what it is. Stuff, meaningless filler.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Habits Apparently I've Brought Back...
Drinking wine - just recently I realized I polished off a bottle of wine by myself this week, that never happened before
Eating Baguette and Brie - At least on the weekends, both Saturday and Sunday
Thankfully I didn't bring back the smoking
Eating Baguette and Brie - At least on the weekends, both Saturday and Sunday
Thankfully I didn't bring back the smoking
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
More France Observations
Things are coming back a bit, maybe now that the jet lag is subsiding...
WILDLIFE
- The only birds they have are pigeons and ducks. And both are aplenty.
- Is it just me, or nobody picks up after their dogs?
- Wild swans in Strasbourg, you mean they exist in the wild?
- Few if any squirrels
- In the cities, the trees are cut in squares
RELATIVITY
- Grocery stores there are so small and appear for emergencies only
- In fact, everything there is so small, with the exception of churches, bridges and landmarks (statues, arcs, etc...)
- Everything there is so old, I saw residential buildings there that are easily older than this country, and what's more impressive, it's still in use and fairly good condition given its age
- Certain things are dirt cheap: wine, cheese, bread, museums in particular
- Other things are way more expensive: clothing, fruits/vegetables, chocolate, water
- The cars are a lot smaller
- 30lb backpack doesn't feel heavy until you have to walk with it for over an hour on cobblestone walkways
FASHION
- The predominant fashion items for women include: roman sandals, ballerinas, heels, scarves, short cut blazers/cardigans/coats, one piece single colour short dresses, super slim jeans, small detail floral print, ponytails
- The predominant fashion items for guys include: tailored cut everything (suits, blazers, shirts, etc...), slim cut jeans,
- Trend on both sides: scarves, aviators/persols, is to tuck in your shirt at all times (that's everything from tshirts to dress shirts), belt buckles, thin horizontal stripes, navy/white, no shorts allowed
LIFESTYLE
- People there don't let themselves go, from toddlers to the elderly, everybody there is always put together
- They have 5 weeks of vacation, standard
- In Strasbourg, 30 minutes to go anywhere is really far for locals
- They live off of baguettes, people are constantly carrying one
- They dislike peanut butter
- They have a word for the inside part of the bread (meaning not the crust)
- There's no French word for awkward, they just don't get that way I guess
- You don't tip at restuarants
- They are big into their skateboarding. Not just kids either, we're talking middle aged men skateboarding outside the Musee D'Orsay
- Parks are where people pick up each other
- Couples get really close at the parks, why get a room when the park is right there
- There are no overweight people, I can't literally think of one, other than tourists
- Graffiti everywhere is the same
- There are lots of stairs everywhere
- I don't think I ever saw a gas station
- French pop music is really bad
- Tons of scooters and bicycles
GIRLS
- working at the hotel in Strasbourg
- working at the Brioche Doree in Lyon
- sightseeing at the Arc Triomphe
- the two girls from California eating dinner in Montmartre
- the Asian girl at Bernachon who unexpectedly understood English (the French don't get awkward, but apparently I still do)
WILDLIFE
- The only birds they have are pigeons and ducks. And both are aplenty.
- Is it just me, or nobody picks up after their dogs?
- Wild swans in Strasbourg, you mean they exist in the wild?
- Few if any squirrels
- In the cities, the trees are cut in squares
RELATIVITY
- Grocery stores there are so small and appear for emergencies only
- In fact, everything there is so small, with the exception of churches, bridges and landmarks (statues, arcs, etc...)
- Everything there is so old, I saw residential buildings there that are easily older than this country, and what's more impressive, it's still in use and fairly good condition given its age
- Certain things are dirt cheap: wine, cheese, bread, museums in particular
- Other things are way more expensive: clothing, fruits/vegetables, chocolate, water
- The cars are a lot smaller
- 30lb backpack doesn't feel heavy until you have to walk with it for over an hour on cobblestone walkways
FASHION
- The predominant fashion items for women include: roman sandals, ballerinas, heels, scarves, short cut blazers/cardigans/coats, one piece single colour short dresses, super slim jeans, small detail floral print, ponytails
- The predominant fashion items for guys include: tailored cut everything (suits, blazers, shirts, etc...), slim cut jeans,
- Trend on both sides: scarves, aviators/persols, is to tuck in your shirt at all times (that's everything from tshirts to dress shirts), belt buckles, thin horizontal stripes, navy/white, no shorts allowed
LIFESTYLE
- People there don't let themselves go, from toddlers to the elderly, everybody there is always put together
- They have 5 weeks of vacation, standard
- In Strasbourg, 30 minutes to go anywhere is really far for locals
- They live off of baguettes, people are constantly carrying one
- They dislike peanut butter
- They have a word for the inside part of the bread (meaning not the crust)
- There's no French word for awkward, they just don't get that way I guess
- You don't tip at restuarants
- They are big into their skateboarding. Not just kids either, we're talking middle aged men skateboarding outside the Musee D'Orsay
- Parks are where people pick up each other
- Couples get really close at the parks, why get a room when the park is right there
- There are no overweight people, I can't literally think of one, other than tourists
- Graffiti everywhere is the same
- There are lots of stairs everywhere
- I don't think I ever saw a gas station
- French pop music is really bad
- Tons of scooters and bicycles
GIRLS
- working at the hotel in Strasbourg
- working at the Brioche Doree in Lyon
- sightseeing at the Arc Triomphe
- the two girls from California eating dinner in Montmartre
- the Asian girl at Bernachon who unexpectedly understood English (the French don't get awkward, but apparently I still do)
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