I think this concept may be something that a significant portion of single (and perhaps non-single) people may have encountered at one point or another. It's the concept of have a 'back-up'. For those who are unaware of what I mean, there are 2 ways which this occurs.
1) When two people say that if they are both not married by a certain age, they'll marry each other.
or
2) When two people are single (and sometimes not), use each other as that relationship 'filler', usually until one of them finds somebody.
Perhaps the most famous pop culture reference of recent that I can think of that covered this topic, was on the show Friends, where Phoebe had designated both Joey and Ross as her back up.
It makes a certain amount of logistical sense. It's a relationship safety net of sorts. People back up all sorts of things, why not people? And from talking to friends of late, it seems it is fairly wide spread. Even if people don't think they have one (or wouldn't admit it), I think sub-consciouly they would name somebody.
I have to admit I've been on both ends of the equation.
Having a back-up is a double edge sword. There's a sense of security that comes with it, where you can relax and be yourself with the person that you're with. The negative though, is it can bring about laziness, because you always feel there's a fail safe.
Playing a back up for somebody is the same deal. You have company when you're single, which is comforting. It's somewhat flattering to think somebody appreciates your company. But it's a bit of a back handed compliment as well. It's insulting to think, you're basically second choice, or probably not even. It's almost like 'meh, you'll do'. Things also get dicey when one of the people find somebody else, now all of a sudden one party is left in a lurch.
After thinking about this the last while, I've begun to think that while it's common and comfortable, the whole notion of a back-up, isn't the best idea. It leads to complacency, hurt feelings, neglect and a lack of urgency.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
The Waiting Game
So I haven't really dated in close to a year. I went on a couple random ones here and there, but decided to take a break. Now I've slowly eased myself back into it.
What I absolutely can't stand is the waiting game. So here's some background info. I met this girl at a gathering and we got along well (at least in my estimation). So I asked our mutual friend (whom I'm also kind of interested, but is currently spoken for, but that's another story), to ask her if it'd be okay if I call/msg her sometime. She said yes and gave me her number and facebook profile link. So I was pretty happy about this. I added her to facebook, the next day she approved, the day after that I sent a message.
What I failed to remember is that, sure somebody gives you their info, but that doesn't mean they'll reply or pick up your phone call. While it's been less than 24 hours since I sent the message, the silence is deafening. I know she's not doing it on purpose, but you end up going stir crazy just waiting. I mean I can occupy myself with other things, but it's always there. I suppose I should look at it as if she doesn't respond, no big deal. And in the grand scheme of things, it isn't. Not to sound like I'm already expecting her to not message me back, but if she doesn't, I already know I'll take it harder than I should. Sure it's not the nicest thing, but you can't control what other people do, just how you react to it.
Just have to keep reminding myself. And forget at the same time. Bah!
What I absolutely can't stand is the waiting game. So here's some background info. I met this girl at a gathering and we got along well (at least in my estimation). So I asked our mutual friend (whom I'm also kind of interested, but is currently spoken for, but that's another story), to ask her if it'd be okay if I call/msg her sometime. She said yes and gave me her number and facebook profile link. So I was pretty happy about this. I added her to facebook, the next day she approved, the day after that I sent a message.
What I failed to remember is that, sure somebody gives you their info, but that doesn't mean they'll reply or pick up your phone call. While it's been less than 24 hours since I sent the message, the silence is deafening. I know she's not doing it on purpose, but you end up going stir crazy just waiting. I mean I can occupy myself with other things, but it's always there. I suppose I should look at it as if she doesn't respond, no big deal. And in the grand scheme of things, it isn't. Not to sound like I'm already expecting her to not message me back, but if she doesn't, I already know I'll take it harder than I should. Sure it's not the nicest thing, but you can't control what other people do, just how you react to it.
Just have to keep reminding myself. And forget at the same time. Bah!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
A Job's a Job
Okay, I've written pretty extensively about work I think in my blog. I work in a creative field and I've come to realize this quite awhile ago.
I honestly don't care.
I do not have the wherewithal to fight over this shade of blue over that shade of blue, if this font or that font is better. It's all really fluff and doesn't matter a whole lot. I figure if I'm not in charge (which I'm fine with), then I'm not going to waste my breath fighting over such trivial matters. This mentality seems to bother people who are in the same field. They feel I should care more.
I'm somewhat concerned about these people. To fret over such little things, I can only imagine what kind of self imposed stress they must be under. To be as anal as to argue over the position of an element by 1/16th of an inch. It explains a lot, to these people's main concerns of vanity and superficialities.
There are other people who are making much more critical decisions in their day, the direction of the treatment of a patient, public policies being approved, etc... These decisions warrant such concern. In the grand scheme of things, these decisions carry much more weight than whether this headline should be 9pt type or 8pt type.
I honestly don't care.
I do not have the wherewithal to fight over this shade of blue over that shade of blue, if this font or that font is better. It's all really fluff and doesn't matter a whole lot. I figure if I'm not in charge (which I'm fine with), then I'm not going to waste my breath fighting over such trivial matters. This mentality seems to bother people who are in the same field. They feel I should care more.
I'm somewhat concerned about these people. To fret over such little things, I can only imagine what kind of self imposed stress they must be under. To be as anal as to argue over the position of an element by 1/16th of an inch. It explains a lot, to these people's main concerns of vanity and superficialities.
There are other people who are making much more critical decisions in their day, the direction of the treatment of a patient, public policies being approved, etc... These decisions warrant such concern. In the grand scheme of things, these decisions carry much more weight than whether this headline should be 9pt type or 8pt type.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Dreams We Have as Children
I absolutely love Noel Gallagher's songwriting. Anybody that knows me can attest to this. I'm driving in the car and listening to his song Dreams We Have as Children. It's one of his lesser known songs, admittedly it's one that I haven't listened to all that often. The lyrics started to make me think. Here's the main line of the chorus.
While we're living
The dreams we have as children
Fade away
As I'm singing away in the car, I think about the lyrics. About things I use to dream about, things that I thought would happen. It made me realize how much I miss the innocence, and to an extent the fearlessness and even the brashness that comes with it. To think that anything is possible. Here are/were a few (don't laugh, it was naive, I know):
Play sports for a living
Have a super gigantic house (may as well be a commune) where all my friends and extended family could live.
Retire at 45
Meet the perfect woman and have the perfect family (there's no such thing as perfect)
Be able to eat whatever I wanted and still be healthy
Dreams have scaled down into ambitions, and again into goals. Goals which are within arms' reach. Everything now seems so calculated and deliberate, a matter of time and work. There's no magic anymore, the impossible is exactly that. No longer do I long for the extraordinary, but to simply hope to keep up with the ordinary.
While we're living
The dreams we have as children
Fade away
As I'm singing away in the car, I think about the lyrics. About things I use to dream about, things that I thought would happen. It made me realize how much I miss the innocence, and to an extent the fearlessness and even the brashness that comes with it. To think that anything is possible. Here are/were a few (don't laugh, it was naive, I know):
Play sports for a living
Have a super gigantic house (may as well be a commune) where all my friends and extended family could live.
Retire at 45
Meet the perfect woman and have the perfect family (there's no such thing as perfect)
Be able to eat whatever I wanted and still be healthy
Dreams have scaled down into ambitions, and again into goals. Goals which are within arms' reach. Everything now seems so calculated and deliberate, a matter of time and work. There's no magic anymore, the impossible is exactly that. No longer do I long for the extraordinary, but to simply hope to keep up with the ordinary.
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