The Back Up

I think this concept may be something that a significant portion of single (and perhaps non-single) people may have encountered at one point or another. It's the concept of have a 'back-up'. For those who are unaware of what I mean, there are 2 ways which this occurs.

1) When two people say that if they are both not married by a certain age, they'll marry each other.

or

2) When two people are single (and sometimes not), use each other as that relationship 'filler', usually until one of them finds somebody.

Perhaps the most famous pop culture reference of recent that I can think of that covered this topic, was on the show Friends, where Phoebe had designated both Joey and Ross as her back up.

It makes a certain amount of logistical sense. It's a relationship safety net of sorts. People back up all sorts of things, why not people? And from talking to friends of late, it seems it is fairly wide spread. Even if people don't think they have one (or wouldn't admit it), I think sub-consciouly they would name somebody.

I have to admit I've been on both ends of the equation.

Having a back-up is a double edge sword. There's a sense of security that comes with it, where you can relax and be yourself with the person that you're with. The negative though, is it can bring about laziness, because you always feel there's a fail safe.

Playing a back up for somebody is the same deal. You have company when you're single, which is comforting. It's somewhat flattering to think somebody appreciates your company. But it's a bit of a back handed compliment as well. It's insulting to think, you're basically second choice, or probably not even. It's almost like 'meh, you'll do'. Things also get dicey when one of the people find somebody else, now all of a sudden one party is left in a lurch.

After thinking about this the last while, I've begun to think that while it's common and comfortable, the whole notion of a back-up, isn't the best idea. It leads to complacency, hurt feelings, neglect and a lack of urgency.