Chemisty is Not Enough :(

A bitter lesson was learned. After spending the past two months with a particular somebody, it has unfortunately come to an end. It was my choice, and being the person to end things, I realize how tough it can be on this side of things.

As quickly as it rose, it fell. While at first things seemed so promising, the decline was just as deflating.

I suppose chemistry only goes so far. You can have fun with somebody, but at the end of the day, you need to have more than that. Yes she was fun, spontaneous, lived life to the fullest, witty, silly, thoughtful and kind. But on the flip side, she was also rough, blunt, intolerant, short-tempered, jealous and obsessive.

I was told that I was focusing too much on the negative, but you have to look at the relationship as a whole. I've fallen into that too often, looking only at the positive, turning a blind eye to the negative. In the end the only thing I did was hold in feelings and live in denial about the situation. Sure I could've enjoyed the good times and do my best to ignore the bad, but after 2 months, how much bad should there be?

I understand there will be disagreements and fights, but how could things go so up and down in less than 100 days? What sort of future would that relationship hold?

I really don't get how people can go through this carousel over and over again. A cycle of ultimate highs and lows. It's frustrating, demoralizing and feels like self torture. I suppose they say it's worth it in the end, but right now it certainly doesn't feel like it.

Even through all of this, I question if I did the right thing. Will I be the one that got away or will she be the one that I let go too early? I suppose time will tell, but in either case it hurts. I'm sad and upset and emotional, but I'm also calm and not mad at all. What does that mean? I'm hoping it means I'm doing what's right in the end.

The actual break up went remarkably well I guess. There was crying and tears (on her part), but there was also reflection and apologies and laughter. And that's what gets me, even during the relationship's darkest hour, there was still laughter. I've been told that once I make a decision, I should only look forward and never look back. But how can you do that, when even with all the bad, there was still so much good.

FLEETWOOD MAC - DON'T STOP

If you wake up and don't want to smile,
If it takes just a little while,
Open your eyes and look at the day,
You'll see things in a different way.

Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.

Why not think about times to come,
And not about the things that you've done,
If your life was bad to you,
Just think what tomorrow will do.

Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.

All I want is to see you smile,
If it takes just a little while,
I know you don't believe that it's true,
I never meant any harm to you.

Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.

Don't you look back,
Don't you look back.