Thursday, December 29, 2011

Year in Review

I was watching television the other day and noticed all the Christmas and Year in Review specials. I went back to my New Years Resolution post from last year and took a look at it. 3 out of 6 isn't bad, but it could certainly be a lot better.

While I should go back an revisit the 3 that I did not accomplish, I have just one resolution this year that encompasses everything really. It came about in a conversation I had with a group of friends yesterday, and really it's just one line that succinctly covers probably my biggest problem.

1) Grow a pair.

I noticed from reading my posts and comments from others in general, that there's an overarching theme in my life. It's that I don't have the gumption to really go after what I want. Partly out of fear of failure/rejection, partly out of laziness, amongst many other reasons. And it's not that I don't want these things in my life. Canadian culture in general is one of complacency and overly political correctness. We have a problem stepping on toes and afraid of our own shadows. Add that to the conservative asian background and an upbringing of a long line of worriers and overly cautious people, and voila, you end up with me.

So I thought this line summed it up pretty well.

So it's about time to man up!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Medic!

So I went for a physical this past week. I haven't been in over four years. My doctor made sure to point that out to me numerous times. :P

Something he said though kinda made me a bit depressed. So he said that I'm no longer a young man. I joked that since the last time I saw him, I guess it's been all downhill. He half jokingly, but definitely half seriously, responded that it's been all downhill after 20 years old. Oh man, it's been 10+ years of downhill already!

I guess he does have a point, there is a noticeable difference between 20, 25 and 30, from a physical well being standpoint. But to think it only gets worse made me a combination of scared and sad. I was getting questions that I had not gotten before. Words like "chronic" and "nagging" were prevalent. To top it off, I now have to get a bunch of tests that I was never tested for.

All of a sudden, I felt really old. Perhaps it's made me realize my age as well.

I don't know how else to phrase it, but it was a sad, sad day. :\

Friday, December 9, 2011

There's Such a Thing as Too Nice

I meet up with my best friend for dinner the yesterday and we had an interesting conversation. We're talking about people who we know that are single. From there, I made a comment that went along the lines of "there are some people, you can tell why they're single" to which my friend agreed.

Now I've been single for quite awhile, so I asked point blank "so you must think I'm one of those people". Without thinking about it, he was like "yup". I was pretty surprised, I mean I guess I can't be shocked, because if I wasn't, I would be with somebody. Makes sense. So I ask him why he thinks that is. He was pretty hesitant to share with me the reasons, but I assured him that I would be fine.

First thing he said was that I'm too nice. I'm sitting listening to this thinking "is there such a thing?". He said that I'm too one dimensional in this sense, that he could see how I don't offer girls a certain level of excitement. I'm that guy that all girls are friends with, who are the shoulders to cry on, but never the guy to date. While this isn't news to me, I was pretty taken aback.

He says on a positive note, I have no problem talking to girls, but that I don't usually come across as anything more than a good conversation. I get set aside into that friend zone pretty quickly. Apparently I need to be more aggressive, that every girl likes their guys to be kind of jerks. I guess what this translates to is more that guys who know what they want and stand up for it. Nice guys are way too accommodating according to him, hence they make good friends.

Secondly, he said that I over analyze opportunities, whereas I should just not think about it and go for it. If things end poorly, then just chalk it up to experience. This part I knew already for sure, I think I've heard this from everybody.

I don't really have a problem with the second one, but the first one has me a bit baffled. I mean I understand what he's saying and where he's coming from. But I'm not really sure how to change something like that.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Life is a Competition

I've always believed in the mentality that life is only a race against yourself. Comparing yourself to other people is a lost cause and that happiness can only truly be generated from within. Recently, I've been finding myself questioning this mentality.

In the social arena, it has become quite apparently to me that it's very "dog eat dog". There would be an attractive girl, and all the dudes would swarm this one girl. I would see this phenomenon, and admittedly sometimes part of it, and just think "wow, what a bunch of douchebags". The girl seems so helplessly bombarded by attention that she may not want, completely unsolicited. Most of the time, I try to just stay away from that situation, because frankly, it just reeks of pathetic-ness.

There's this girl that I kinda like, she's awesome and everything, but the situation is, so does every other guy. This "friend" of mine is currently pressing pretty hard of late. What pisses me off is that he claims that friends do not step on other guys territory, but he flirts with quite a number of girls. It's like he's fucking laying claim to any girl who's available. WTF is that!

Lately, this friend has been getting on my nerves, the pushiness and arrogance that other people see, I am only beginning to see. One of ,what use to be his close friends, I cannot stand. I would rarely say I hate somebody, but I literally hate the guy. So if the phrase "birds of the same feather, flock together" holds true, then I can't be completely surprised.

At first I was a bit conflicted, do I lose my "friend" by asking this girl out, or do I just let him do whatever it is he's going to do? I talked it over with my mom and her response is "what is this? high school?" finding the whole situation juvenile. I have to admit, once I thought about it, yet it is pretty juvenile, but it's the situation at hand. She followed it up with "a girl, if single, is nobody's territory, if you like her, ask her out, don't worry about what the other guys think". It's funny coming from my mom, considering she's usually all about the whole everybody should get along.

I suppose that's been a fault of mine over the years, is in opportune moments, not being selfish enough. She would say that I am too concerned if people will be upset with me. I've always felt things would work out as they should, just by being patient. But I guess what I'm realizing out of this situation is, that even socially, things do not come to you, you have to work for what you want. The right girl isn't just going to sit there and be there waiting. You have to go after what you want and forget rules of engagement or what other people think. Makes sense really, everything else in the world works that way, why wouldn't this? If you really want something, would you just let somebody take it away from you? Or would you fight for it?