No, this entry is not about Journey, or Rock of Ages, or any other pop culture references.
Admittedly, the last few weeks have been a little rough on the ego. A few people who are aware of my situation have even said as much. It's difficult to be on the up and up, and get thrashed around like a rag doll.
I was reading an article about a baseball who use to be one of the better pitchers, but is getting killed this year. It was advice from an older pitcher (from an opposing team) to him. He said something along the lines of, pitch smarter, don't try to get the strikeout on every pitch, but stay aggressive and believe in your stuff.
I've heard more than a few times that I will eventually find somebody. While I understand that people are trying to make me feel better, it never really did. But for some reason, the way the advice given to the pitcher, seemed to strike a chord in me (no pun intended).
For starters (again no put intended), nobody can promise that something will happen. That makes it incredibly difficult for me to take solace in the above line. Why should I believe it? It's not so much advice, as much as it's consolation.
Where this guy's advice to the struggling pitcher affected me was, that it's not that he's saying things will turn around. He doesn't know that. But he believes that the guy's talent, ability and work ethic that should hold up, and he just has to trust that will be enough to make things work out. I guess that's what I have to remember. That no matter how much I get beat up, that if I trust that I'm a good catch (wow, no pun intended again), eventually it'll happen. But I have to keep being aggressive, and putting myself out there. Because if I don't, that's a sure fire way that it won't happen.
Now for those of you that came here looking for Journey, here you go.
Journey - Don't Stop Believing
Just a small town girl
livin in a lonely world
she took the midnight train going anywhere
just a city boy
born and raised in south detroit
he took the midnight train going anywhere
a singer in a smoky room
a smell of wine and cheap perfume
f
or a smile they can share the night
it goes on and on and on and on
(Refrain)
Strangers, waiting, up and down the boulevard
their shadows searching in the night
streetlight people, living just to find emotion
hiding somewhere in the night
working hard to get my fill
everybody wants a thrill
paying anything to roll the dice
just one more time
some will win, some will lose
some were born to sing the blues
oh the movie never ends
it goes on and on and on and on
(Refrain)
Don't stop believing
hold on to that feeling
Monday, August 27, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
On the Hook
As per the famous How I Met Your Mother episode. The definition according to Urban Dictionary, plus said HIMYM incident below.
A person who is "on the hook" will be overly infatuated with another person. The person who is the desired generally takes little notice (and often complete advantage) of the person who is on the hook.
Often times the person who is on the hook is a back-up.
Signs that you are on the hook:
1) giving foot rubs
2) making mixed tapes/cds/play lists
3) making chocolate cake
4) dropping everything at a moments notice to be with the other person.
Ted: "Lisa came over last night and I gave her a foot rub as we watched a move."
Marshall: "Are you guys dating now?"
Ted: "No, she is still with her boyfriend, she is just looking for the right time to break the news."
Marshall: "Dude, you are so on the hook."
It's terrible, it's a combination of the best feeling and worst feeling, wrapped into one person. As much as I would have hoped that I had more self respect than to settle being on the hook, apparently that's not the case. What's worse, is I know I'm on the hook, and yet continue to do so, somewhat willingly. WTF is the matter with me?! I know it's the occasional highs are what keep me coming back, but do I not have enough self control to get out of this vicious cycle?!
What's worse, is I know I've done it to other people too.
A person who is "on the hook" will be overly infatuated with another person. The person who is the desired generally takes little notice (and often complete advantage) of the person who is on the hook.
Often times the person who is on the hook is a back-up.
Signs that you are on the hook:
1) giving foot rubs
2) making mixed tapes/cds/play lists
3) making chocolate cake
4) dropping everything at a moments notice to be with the other person.
Ted: "Lisa came over last night and I gave her a foot rub as we watched a move."
Marshall: "Are you guys dating now?"
Ted: "No, she is still with her boyfriend, she is just looking for the right time to break the news."
Marshall: "Dude, you are so on the hook."
It's terrible, it's a combination of the best feeling and worst feeling, wrapped into one person. As much as I would have hoped that I had more self respect than to settle being on the hook, apparently that's not the case. What's worse, is I know I'm on the hook, and yet continue to do so, somewhat willingly. WTF is the matter with me?! I know it's the occasional highs are what keep me coming back, but do I not have enough self control to get out of this vicious cycle?!
What's worse, is I know I've done it to other people too.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
It Does Make Me Wonder...
Maroon 5 - Makes Me Wonder
Wake up with blood-shot eyes
Struggled to memorize
Way it felt to hearing lies
People that made you cry
Feel so good to be bad
Not worth the aftermath
After that, after that
Try to get you back
I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a thought about you
Give me something to believe in
'Cause I don't believe in you anymore, anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try
Yeah, so this is goodbye
Can’t stop my spinning head
Decisions that made my bed
Now I must lay in it
Deal with things I've left unsaid
Want to dive into you
Forget what you're going through
Get behind, make your move
Forget about the truth
I still don't have a reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a thought about you
Give me something to believe in
'Cause I don't believe in you anymore, anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference
Even makes a difference to try, yeah
And you told me how you're feelin'
But I don't believe it's true anymore, anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
So this is goodbye
I've been here before, one day, a week
And it won't hurt anymore
You caught me in a lie, I have no alibi
The words you said don't have a meaning 'cause
I still don't have a reason and you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a thought about you and I
So this is goodbye
Give me something to believe in
'Cause I don't believe in you anymore, anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference
Even makes a difference to try, yeah
And you told me how you're feelin'
But I don't believe it's true anymore, anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
So this is goodbye
So this is goodbye
Yeah, so this is goodbye
Yeah, so this is goodbye
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Keeping an Eye on the Prize
"Those who mind, don't mind. Those who matter, don't mind"
- Dr. Seuss
So the last month or my life has been pretty drama filled. Not particularly the kind that I like. Okay well more like 50/50. The highs have been so high and the lows pretty low.
I guess I've been getting hung up on things (specifically people), and it feels like it's holding me back. These people have/had the possibility of moving my life forward. But for the last little while, it is starting to become clear to me that maybe (or more likely probably), these people aren't going to fulfill my long term goals. Not from what I can tell for now at least.
But I can't help feeling the way I do. Though it's making me feel pretty stupid. This is where I wish I could be more robotic, and let logic prevail. I've never been that way though, and I guess that what makes me less adaptable and slower to move on. I really wish I could change that about myself, but it feels like it's something that is deep down that might be just part of the core of who I am. As my mom says "you're making the same stupid mistakes that you did 15+ years ago".
What I can do however, is change my focus. I did some sports psychology courses when I was younger, and one of the things they tried to do, was in order to forget when things didn't go your way earlier, was to stay focused on the main goal. While this singular focus can make a person kind of oblivious, it really is a way of kicking all the distractions out. Maybe I should employ this tactic in my life. And I guess it kind of makes sense, you can't really change things that have happened or things and even people that are around you. But what you can do, is to stay concentrated on what will make you happy, and do your best to ignore the things that are not. Or even better, is to cut away the things that are causing you grief. Because what purpose is it serving other than annoyance and frustration?
I have kind of done my best to move away from this goal oriented approach to life the last few years. As I found out, that as many plans you may have laid out in front of you, that things rarely work out as you think they should. This was a set up for major disappointment, and I started to go into a wait and see approach to life. While this change of pace for a few years was needed, both mentally and emotionally, it feels like it's time to get back on track. Working towards gaining things in my life, rather than just letting things come to me.
- Dr. Seuss
So the last month or my life has been pretty drama filled. Not particularly the kind that I like. Okay well more like 50/50. The highs have been so high and the lows pretty low.
I guess I've been getting hung up on things (specifically people), and it feels like it's holding me back. These people have/had the possibility of moving my life forward. But for the last little while, it is starting to become clear to me that maybe (or more likely probably), these people aren't going to fulfill my long term goals. Not from what I can tell for now at least.
But I can't help feeling the way I do. Though it's making me feel pretty stupid. This is where I wish I could be more robotic, and let logic prevail. I've never been that way though, and I guess that what makes me less adaptable and slower to move on. I really wish I could change that about myself, but it feels like it's something that is deep down that might be just part of the core of who I am. As my mom says "you're making the same stupid mistakes that you did 15+ years ago".
What I can do however, is change my focus. I did some sports psychology courses when I was younger, and one of the things they tried to do, was in order to forget when things didn't go your way earlier, was to stay focused on the main goal. While this singular focus can make a person kind of oblivious, it really is a way of kicking all the distractions out. Maybe I should employ this tactic in my life. And I guess it kind of makes sense, you can't really change things that have happened or things and even people that are around you. But what you can do, is to stay concentrated on what will make you happy, and do your best to ignore the things that are not. Or even better, is to cut away the things that are causing you grief. Because what purpose is it serving other than annoyance and frustration?
I have kind of done my best to move away from this goal oriented approach to life the last few years. As I found out, that as many plans you may have laid out in front of you, that things rarely work out as you think they should. This was a set up for major disappointment, and I started to go into a wait and see approach to life. While this change of pace for a few years was needed, both mentally and emotionally, it feels like it's time to get back on track. Working towards gaining things in my life, rather than just letting things come to me.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Things That Bother Me - A Special Online Dating Edition
Alright, so I gripe and complain and whine about dating, specifically online dating. Everybody is like, but you get dates, and you could meet somebody, etc... Yes, these things are all true, but there are things very specific to online dating that are annoying. Let's start, shall we.
1) Snap Judgement
You're going to judge a person by a bunch of photos and a few paragraphs? Hells yeah. I am just as guilty as anybody else who's doing it. It's unfair and it sucks, but it is what it is.
2) The Misleading Photo
I understand you're trying to sell yourself, but there's selling yourself and then there's misrepresentation. Let's be fair about this. First of all, have a profile photo to begin with. Do people go on blind dates anymore? I think not. Secondly, include a photo of yourself on a regular day. Not when you were a bridesmaid or some new years party where you spent two hours dolling yourself up. I doubt you'll be spending that much time to get ready for a first date. Thirdly, profile photos should include at least one photo of the entire body. Listing yourself as 'fit' or 'curvy' or the ever non-descript 'average' tells me nothing. If anything I've learned, girls totally lie about this part.
3) The Empty Profile
The whole point of this is to get to know somebody. You want me to write something interesting to you other than "hey", then maybe you might want to actually divulge something about yourself.
4) If You're Not Active, Get Out
There are some profiles that are listed as last logging in well over a few months ago. Especially on eHarmony when they send you limited matches per day, stop wasting my damn matches if you're not on anymore. Number 3 also applies to this.
5) Quit the Games
We met on a dating website, like fuck! There's no need to play this game of cat and mouse. We both want to meet somebody, there's no point in playing hard to get. I'm not saying to make it super easy, but if you're going to lengths to see how far we'll go, then you're just being bitchy.
6) We're All Dating Multiple People
It should be fairly understood by this point. If you don't want to know the answer, don't ask. I know I don't.
7) Distance Matters
Okay I may be deemed a hypocrite based on my history of long distance relationships, but if you're not within an hour of diving distance, forget it. And to be fair, all the girls I went out with were just barely within an hour. :P
8) Give Me Something to Work With
This is somewhat of an expansion of number 3 (you have no idea how often it happens). Yes, I get you're a nice person, but please be something more than that. Also a sense of humour and/or wit would help greatly. Women have no idea that is a rare, vastly underrated and very appealing quality in a woman.
9) Let's Just Go Out
I get the whole 'three message' process. But really, if you answer the first one I send, you know it's coming, so lets just see where this goes and save both of us the time and energy of coming up with something to write.
1) Snap Judgement
You're going to judge a person by a bunch of photos and a few paragraphs? Hells yeah. I am just as guilty as anybody else who's doing it. It's unfair and it sucks, but it is what it is.
2) The Misleading Photo
I understand you're trying to sell yourself, but there's selling yourself and then there's misrepresentation. Let's be fair about this. First of all, have a profile photo to begin with. Do people go on blind dates anymore? I think not. Secondly, include a photo of yourself on a regular day. Not when you were a bridesmaid or some new years party where you spent two hours dolling yourself up. I doubt you'll be spending that much time to get ready for a first date. Thirdly, profile photos should include at least one photo of the entire body. Listing yourself as 'fit' or 'curvy' or the ever non-descript 'average' tells me nothing. If anything I've learned, girls totally lie about this part.
3) The Empty Profile
The whole point of this is to get to know somebody. You want me to write something interesting to you other than "hey", then maybe you might want to actually divulge something about yourself.
4) If You're Not Active, Get Out
There are some profiles that are listed as last logging in well over a few months ago. Especially on eHarmony when they send you limited matches per day, stop wasting my damn matches if you're not on anymore. Number 3 also applies to this.
5) Quit the Games
We met on a dating website, like fuck! There's no need to play this game of cat and mouse. We both want to meet somebody, there's no point in playing hard to get. I'm not saying to make it super easy, but if you're going to lengths to see how far we'll go, then you're just being bitchy.
6) We're All Dating Multiple People
It should be fairly understood by this point. If you don't want to know the answer, don't ask. I know I don't.
7) Distance Matters
Okay I may be deemed a hypocrite based on my history of long distance relationships, but if you're not within an hour of diving distance, forget it. And to be fair, all the girls I went out with were just barely within an hour. :P
8) Give Me Something to Work With
This is somewhat of an expansion of number 3 (you have no idea how often it happens). Yes, I get you're a nice person, but please be something more than that. Also a sense of humour and/or wit would help greatly. Women have no idea that is a rare, vastly underrated and very appealing quality in a woman.
9) Let's Just Go Out
I get the whole 'three message' process. But really, if you answer the first one I send, you know it's coming, so lets just see where this goes and save both of us the time and energy of coming up with something to write.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Hopelessy Romantic or Hopelessly Stupid
Okay, so this is kinda to explain the last blog post. So I was seeing this girl for the last 2-3 weeks or so. Lets get this out of the way, she's pretty awesome. Except she's also awesomely terrible. How do those two things co-exist? Glad you asked.
So lets start with the good stuff. She's gorgeous, she's smart, she's funny. She doesn't appear to be evil and/or crazy (fingers crossed). She also seems really interested in me, that's always a plus. Our first date was amazing, we talked for hours and it seemed like no time had passed. We could only tell how late it was because the staff were starting to bring the chairs in from the patio.
Now lets start with the bad stuff. She CONSTANTLY changes/moves/bails on plans. Every single date we've been on (which at my count is 2 1/2) has been either postponed, cancelled or she has arrived late. Now not 5-15 minutes late, we're talking over 30 minutes. That's how you get 1/2 a date. Our second date was a paltry 30 minute meeting that she squeezed me into. I mean wtf is that? That's not even the worst part. So our last date, she arrived approximately 45 minutes late. But then it was proceeded by an amazing night. Awesome you say? Not so fast. We have such a good time, she wants to hang out a couple days later. Cool, except that she pretty much disappears for the next three days practically.
We finally text a bit, she apologizes (which she's had to an awful lot over a span of two weeks). I tell her that I had a really great time with her, miss her and would like to plan to see her again. She says that I'm cute and sweet and she likes spending time with me, but she doesn't know when it may happen again as she's really busy as things have been popping up unexpectedly. Okay, LAMEST ANSWER EVER. If you really want somebody or something in your life, you'll make the time. Don't tell me that you think I'm awesome, only to throw some backdoor insult my way in the same sentence.
Then she phones me up to plan when to meet up next. Guess what, her phone cuts out all of a sudden. I call her back, she can't pick up because her dogs are giving her trouble. I tell her she can call me later, but she doesn't. The next day she says her phone died! Like literally it's not working anymore.
So here's the last straw. This past weekend, she asks what I'm doing, as if we're going to meet on Saturday night. I respond that I didn't have anything planned. And I knew she didn't. Until a few hours later she says some dinner came up with friends that she never sees anymore.
Then on Sunday evening she's not doing anything, but she's tired. I said even though she's tired, does she want to meet to do something quick, like coffee, or maybe something relaxing like a movie. She said she'd call me. Did that happen? Of course not. I get a text around midnight saying she fell asleep.
This is just stupid ridiculous. Crappy part, is she left her sweater at my place. Now it's stuck here, and it reminds me of her. You can only apologize for the same thing so much, I figure, you don't really mean it, otherwise it wouldn't keep happening with such frequency.
I hate using this term, but FML, WTF. I guess I won't be contacting her again. Hence, Bye Bye Bye...
So lets start with the good stuff. She's gorgeous, she's smart, she's funny. She doesn't appear to be evil and/or crazy (fingers crossed). She also seems really interested in me, that's always a plus. Our first date was amazing, we talked for hours and it seemed like no time had passed. We could only tell how late it was because the staff were starting to bring the chairs in from the patio.
Now lets start with the bad stuff. She CONSTANTLY changes/moves/bails on plans. Every single date we've been on (which at my count is 2 1/2) has been either postponed, cancelled or she has arrived late. Now not 5-15 minutes late, we're talking over 30 minutes. That's how you get 1/2 a date. Our second date was a paltry 30 minute meeting that she squeezed me into. I mean wtf is that? That's not even the worst part. So our last date, she arrived approximately 45 minutes late. But then it was proceeded by an amazing night. Awesome you say? Not so fast. We have such a good time, she wants to hang out a couple days later. Cool, except that she pretty much disappears for the next three days practically.
We finally text a bit, she apologizes (which she's had to an awful lot over a span of two weeks). I tell her that I had a really great time with her, miss her and would like to plan to see her again. She says that I'm cute and sweet and she likes spending time with me, but she doesn't know when it may happen again as she's really busy as things have been popping up unexpectedly. Okay, LAMEST ANSWER EVER. If you really want somebody or something in your life, you'll make the time. Don't tell me that you think I'm awesome, only to throw some backdoor insult my way in the same sentence.
Then she phones me up to plan when to meet up next. Guess what, her phone cuts out all of a sudden. I call her back, she can't pick up because her dogs are giving her trouble. I tell her she can call me later, but she doesn't. The next day she says her phone died! Like literally it's not working anymore.
So here's the last straw. This past weekend, she asks what I'm doing, as if we're going to meet on Saturday night. I respond that I didn't have anything planned. And I knew she didn't. Until a few hours later she says some dinner came up with friends that she never sees anymore.
Then on Sunday evening she's not doing anything, but she's tired. I said even though she's tired, does she want to meet to do something quick, like coffee, or maybe something relaxing like a movie. She said she'd call me. Did that happen? Of course not. I get a text around midnight saying she fell asleep.
This is just stupid ridiculous. Crappy part, is she left her sweater at my place. Now it's stuck here, and it reminds me of her. You can only apologize for the same thing so much, I figure, you don't really mean it, otherwise it wouldn't keep happening with such frequency.
I hate using this term, but FML, WTF. I guess I won't be contacting her again. Hence, Bye Bye Bye...
I wish this song was angrier, it'd be perfect...
(Hey, Hey)
Bye, Bye...
Bye, Bye...
Oh, Oh..
I'm doin' this tonight,
You're probably gonna start a fight.
I know this can't be right.
Hey baby come on,
I loved you endlessly,
When you weren't there for me.
So now it's time to leave and make it alone
I know that I can't take no more
It ain't no lie
I wanna see you out that door
Baby, bye, bye, bye...
Bye Bye
Don't wanna be a fool for you
Just another player in your game for two
You may hate me but it ain't no lie,
Baby, bye, bye, bye...
Bye Bye
Don't really wanna make it tough,
I just wanna tell you that I had enough.
It might sound crazy,
But it ain't no lie,
Baby, bye, bye, bye
(Oh, Oh)
Just hit me with the truth,
Now, girl you're more than welcome to.
So give me one good reason,
Baby come on
I live for you and me,
And now I really come to see,
That life would be much better once you're gone.
I know that I can't take no more
It ain't no lie,
I wanna see you out that door
Baby, bye, bye, bye...
Bye Bye
Don't wanna be a fool for you
Just another player in your game for two
You may hate me but it ain't no lie,
Baby Bye, bye, bye...
Bye Bye
Don't really wanna make it tough,
I just wanna tell you that I had enough (ooh ooh)
It might sound crazy,
But it ain't no lie,
Baby, bye, bye, bye
I'm giving up I know for sure
I don't wanna be the reason for your love no more
Bye Bye
I'm checkin' out
I'm signin' off
Don't wanna be the loser and I've had enough
Don't wanna be your fool
In this game for two
So I'm leavin' you behind
Bye, bye, bye...
I don't wanna make it tough (wanna make it tough)
But I had enough
And it ain't no lie (Bye, bye baby...)
Bye, Bye
Don't wanna be a fool for you
Just another player in your game for two (I don't wanna be your fool)
But it ain't no lie
Baby bye, bye, bye...
Don't really wanna make it tough (don't really wanna make it tough),
I just wanna tell you that I had enough (that I had enough).
Might sound crazy,
But it ain't no lie,
Bye, bye, bye
N'Sync - Bye, Bye, Bye
Bye, Bye, ByeBye, Bye...
Bye, Bye...
Oh, Oh..
I'm doin' this tonight,
You're probably gonna start a fight.
I know this can't be right.
Hey baby come on,
I loved you endlessly,
When you weren't there for me.
So now it's time to leave and make it alone
I know that I can't take no more
It ain't no lie
I wanna see you out that door
Baby, bye, bye, bye...
Bye Bye
Don't wanna be a fool for you
Just another player in your game for two
You may hate me but it ain't no lie,
Baby, bye, bye, bye...
Bye Bye
Don't really wanna make it tough,
I just wanna tell you that I had enough.
It might sound crazy,
But it ain't no lie,
Baby, bye, bye, bye
(Oh, Oh)
Just hit me with the truth,
Now, girl you're more than welcome to.
So give me one good reason,
Baby come on
I live for you and me,
And now I really come to see,
That life would be much better once you're gone.
I know that I can't take no more
It ain't no lie,
I wanna see you out that door
Baby, bye, bye, bye...
Bye Bye
Don't wanna be a fool for you
Just another player in your game for two
You may hate me but it ain't no lie,
Baby Bye, bye, bye...
Bye Bye
Don't really wanna make it tough,
I just wanna tell you that I had enough (ooh ooh)
It might sound crazy,
But it ain't no lie,
Baby, bye, bye, bye
I'm giving up I know for sure
I don't wanna be the reason for your love no more
Bye Bye
I'm checkin' out
I'm signin' off
Don't wanna be the loser and I've had enough
Don't wanna be your fool
In this game for two
So I'm leavin' you behind
Bye, bye, bye...
I don't wanna make it tough (wanna make it tough)
But I had enough
And it ain't no lie (Bye, bye baby...)
Bye, Bye
Don't wanna be a fool for you
Just another player in your game for two (I don't wanna be your fool)
But it ain't no lie
Baby bye, bye, bye...
Don't really wanna make it tough (don't really wanna make it tough),
I just wanna tell you that I had enough (that I had enough).
Might sound crazy,
But it ain't no lie,
Bye, bye, bye
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