All the Right Moves

At least every week or two, my best friend and I have, what you could call strategy meetings. He takes quite the interest in my dating life.

The conversations go generally like this:

BFF: Hey buddy, how things going?

Me: Pretty good, busy. You?

BFF: It was alright, any dates lately?

Me: Yeah, here and there.

BFF: How'd they go?

Me: One of them was pretty good.

BFF: So how do you want to play it?

Here's where things get interesting. How do you want to play it? What does that exactly entail? When I first started dating again, it was interesting (and yet somewhat disturbing) to hear about the whole strategy of dating. Again, we go back to how it's all a game.*

It seems like every action and decision is deliberate and meant to send a message to the other person. Whatever happened to a simple, I like her, so I'll ask her out again, I don't like her, so I won't ask her out again? But I suppose, what relationship is simple.

It got me thinking, is there a right way and a wrong way to go about things? From speaking to a number of people, I don't know if there's a right and a wrong way, but there are certainly preferences as to how to do things. For instance, if you like a girl a lot, you'd better not show it. I mean WTF is that? If I like somebody, I'm clearly want the other person to know. I've never been one for subtlety, I feel something, it's going to show.

And really, it's more honest. I don't have time (or the patience) for games anymore.

When I look back at things, I always wonder, how could I have done things differently. At the moment I'm clearly thinking about things with the flaky, but in all other ways perfect girl. Did I come on too strong? For her, probably. Should I have kept more of a distance? Maybe.

If I had chosen to do things differently, would the outcome have been different? Would I be happier if I played things differently, but she was still in my life? Is doing what you feel the wrong way to go about it? Is there a right way to play it and a wrong way?

Then I ask, why should I have chosen to do things differently?

But does that really matter?

Shouldn't I just be me? Isn't that the right move?

To put things in the context of a game, it's not about being yourself, it's about winning. But in this game, you want to be yourself. But what if being yourself leads you to losing the game (which so far it has)?

That, in the end, is my dilemma.

*For more about 'the game', I'll talk more about the game in a future post.