The Dating Game

By referencing dating as a game, would mean there's a winner and a loser. At any given point, you can be either ahead or behind (usually in relation to the person you're dating). I have always been against this metaphor, because I hate thinking about it this way. Yet after all this time, I can't help but feel that it's true. There are times when I feel like I'm 'winning' and others when I'm 'losing'.

There are two ways this works. First in reference to yourself in relation to a person you are seeing. It generally goes that whoever is more sought after, is winning. For example, the last, if you want to call it a relationship, sure, I was losing most of the time. Or as my BFF would like to put it, who has the upper hand.

The second way is playing against the field. This goes more along the lines of batting average. It's gotten pretty statistical. Messages to Reply rate, First Date percentage, Second Date percentage, etc... Just like any other form of statistics, the data can be skewed.

Okay so why do I hate the metaphor exactly? It implies gamesmanship as opposed to just acting how you feel. Has the concern become more about winning and losing rather than finding somebody who you enjoy somebody's company? Is saving face more important that putting yourself out there?

Unfortunately it would seem the answer is yes. Every action and decision is deliberate and meant to send a particular message to the other person. Having said this, does anybody actually act based on what they feel?

If I want to message, talk or go out with a girl, I will try to get in touch with them. Forget this whole waiting, just to appear that I am so busy or in demand and have other things going on. Sometimes yes, I am busy, but if I really want something, I'll put it ahead in the priority list. It reminds me of the Friends episode where they suggest Chandler to act aloof. What does that honestly gain him?

I guess once emotions get involved, that's when things get tricky. People waver back and forth as to what to do. BUT I generally think it's a pretty easy decision, people generally know what they feel and what they want to do, it's a matter of having the nerve to do it.

Are people willing to battle so hard as to have the upper hand, to save face, or basically win the game, that they put aside the true objective?