Impatient - Part 2

From writing the first part of this post, the thoughts below kept coming up. It also deals with Impatience, just in a different way. Probably because it's very fresh in my mind.

I've had a recent string of first dates, and I have to say, it's been increasingly annoying and frustrating. I am definitely losing my patience with it. I've had 3 dates in the last week and a half, having the last of the three a few hours ago. Of the 3, 2 have sparked my interest. I suppose 2 out of 3 isn't bad, BUT of those 2, neither appear to be particularly interested. And what really confuses me, is that during those 2 dates, things seemed to be going really well, at least from what I could tell. But I suppose reading situations has never been my strong suit.

It also doesn't help that I seem to go through spurts of dates, where within a week or two, I'll have a bunch of first dates, then go quite awhile without any. So there are long periods of just nothing. I guess I'm due for another period of nothing for awhile.

I've been actively dating again for approximately a year now, and have 15 first dates. You could make the argument, that things could be worse, I could've had none. Which reminds me, from what I can remember (because I try my best to block it out) I have also had a handful (by my count, 5) of turn downs as well. Back to my original point, of the 15, only 3 have turned into second dates, and only 1 into some form of relationship, which as stated above, was pretty crap in the end. I mean, a dude can only take so many blows to the ego here!

Am I doing something wrong in all of this? Maybe I'm too eager, or have unreasonably high expectations. Though knowing how rewarding and fulfilling a relationship can be, I suppose I feel like I have reason to be eager. In reference to my previous post about the fleeting nature of excitement and happiness, a fulfilling relationship is the only thing in my experience, to provide a constant and sustainable flow both.

My best friend, of recent (and not so recent) has been contemplating breaking up with his girlfriend. Another close friend got divorced from her husband after her experiences with incompatibility. While I see the incompatibilities in both situations, in one way, I can't help but think "WTF, make that shit work dude!" To my current eye, how do you throw something like that away? I have to admit though, after remembering spending so much time being disgruntled in my longest relationship, I can see how people would want to get out. But being in the situation that I am now, I am somehow partial to trying to see the positive in the relationships.

Anyway, I'm getting totally mindfucked by the situation. It's a combination of frustration, despair, anger, sadness, and to be completely honest, of rage. Seriously, thinking about it gets me almost to the point of breaking down. I mean it's not that I feel like life's shit on me totally, but it's the question of why it has in this domain being unanswerable fuels it even more.