Sometimes I have to say, I would just like to give humanity the finger. Honestly some people are just so crap, it makes me rethink this whole positive, people are generally good bullshit. No, people are not generally good, people are opportunistic and selfish and greedy. Isn't capitalism based on those particular traits? Aren't all wars started that way?
Yeah, so there you go, way to go humanity, I am ashamed to be part of you.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
It's Not That Bad (I Think?)
Not to sound morbid or anything, but I suppose lately I've been thinking a lot about my own mortality and life. I guess you could say the last couple years haven't been the smoothest, and there's probably been a lot to be down about. Ending of a long term relationship, several failed first date attempts, an emotional short term relationship, still stuck at a job that I am much less than enthusiastic about, a feeling of uselessness in terms of contributing to society, and a general overall feeling of lack of directionless.
If I'm being totally honest, I would be lying if I didn't have at times somewhat of a feeling of failure bordering on depression. I guess I've been thinking about if I were to look back on my life, what would I think about it? What would other people think about it? I suppose I'm really not sure.
When I see the holidays, it's great, but terrible at the same time. While it's nice to see young couples and families together, I can't help but have a sense of disappointment. Thoughts cross my mind, wondering if I'll ever experience that again.
While they say that every job has it's ups and downs, is it right to feel as if you're just wasting away? Is my work contributing to anything worthwhile? Long ago, I've already come to the definite conclusion of "nope". Though I guess somebody has to do it (I think), and I need the pay cheque, so it may as well be me.
I guess I thought I always had thought that I'd be much more settled in my life by now. It feels as if that is a measure of how I define success in my life, family and career. And if I were to judge myself at this point, it would be a resounding thumbs down. I wonder what others define the "success" of their lives? I'm certain it's different for everybody.
But when I really think about it, there's a lot that I have that I could lose, and it's really not that bad at all. As tough as it is, I have to look at what I have, and not at what I don't. If I look at it that way, then perhaps I would be happier than I am. I guess that would be my biggest resolution I could make.
Monday, December 13, 2010
The Mark of a Good Concert
A good concert is when you can't hear anything afterwards.
A great concert is when you can't hear anything and you've lost your voice afterwards.
A great concert is when you can't hear anything and you've lost your voice afterwards.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Running on Empty
Sometimes, you ever get the feeling "why am I really doing anything"? There's just a complete lack of motivation. It seems like anything worth keeping takes so much upkeep, that is it just easier to do without?
People workout and eat healthy to stay healthy, but it's a life time commitment of withdrawal and self control. Sure, you "feel" better, but you spend countless hours of physical effort and multiple instances of depriving yourself of food that you wish you could have.
To be in a relationship, it takes constant communication, and compromise. It takes sacrifice of time, space and one's self. And that's only after taking the time to find somebody, who commits to hopefully make the same effort in return.
Climbing up the corporate ladder, again, is not so much an act, but long term commitment. Writing and re-writing of resumes and cover letters. Sending out application after application, going from one interview to the next. Only to hear rejection after rejection, or in many cases nothing at all.
Lately I just feel like I'm tired of chasing my tail, maybe I'm right where I'm suppose to be? Perhaps it's easier to just stop running.
People workout and eat healthy to stay healthy, but it's a life time commitment of withdrawal and self control. Sure, you "feel" better, but you spend countless hours of physical effort and multiple instances of depriving yourself of food that you wish you could have.
To be in a relationship, it takes constant communication, and compromise. It takes sacrifice of time, space and one's self. And that's only after taking the time to find somebody, who commits to hopefully make the same effort in return.
Climbing up the corporate ladder, again, is not so much an act, but long term commitment. Writing and re-writing of resumes and cover letters. Sending out application after application, going from one interview to the next. Only to hear rejection after rejection, or in many cases nothing at all.
Lately I just feel like I'm tired of chasing my tail, maybe I'm right where I'm suppose to be? Perhaps it's easier to just stop running.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Things That Make Me Happy...
Never really thought about it seriously until now. In no particular order, here goes.
I'm sure this list will get bigger as time goes on.
01) Getting a good deal.
02) Potato chips, any kind will do really.
03) Really good coffee, dark roast only, preferably Kenya or Sumatra.
04) Funny commercials, right now the PS3 ones are my favourite.
05) Kids having a good time, adults just don't know how it's done, me included.
06) Figuring out a puzzle/problem, in the words of Boris from Goldeneye "I am INVINCIBLE!"
07) Great live music. ipods are cool and all, but you can never replicate the experience of singing along with a whole room/arena full of people singing the same song.
08) Great songs, when you can just relate in a particular way.
09) Accomplishing something, feels good to know you can do something, especially if you had never done it before.
10) Competing, win or lose, it forces you to try your hardest.
11) Grocery shopping, it's the only shopping when I am assured to come home with something.
12) Proper fitting clothing. Particularly jeans, suits, dress shirts.
13) Material obsessions, things I could have a ton of even though I need one, these include watches, jackets/coats, running shoes.
14) Being around family/friends, the people that really get you.
15) Brand new socks, you only get that feeling once per pair, when it's all soft, dry, plush and cushy. If I could wear new socks everyday, I would. Same goes for running shoes.
16) Girls. Okay at this age, I guess it's women. I suppose I don't really have to explain this one.
17) Lazy days, there's something satisfying about spending the whole day in pajamas, doing nothing really.
18) 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep, that almost never happens anymore.
19) Naps, maybe I wouldn't have so much coffee, if I could just sleep whenever I wanted.
20) Friday afternoons, not surprising since conversely Monday mornings are the worst.
21) Traveling, everything around you is new and interesting.
22) Hitting your card on the river. Also having your hand hold up to the river.
23) Questionable Scrabble plays that end up being in the dictionary.
24) Going out for dinner, food always tastes better when somebody else makes it. Okay that last part is not entirely true, but you get what I mean.
25) All green lights.
I'm sure this list will get bigger as time goes on.
01) Getting a good deal.
02) Potato chips, any kind will do really.
03) Really good coffee, dark roast only, preferably Kenya or Sumatra.
04) Funny commercials, right now the PS3 ones are my favourite.
05) Kids having a good time, adults just don't know how it's done, me included.
06) Figuring out a puzzle/problem, in the words of Boris from Goldeneye "I am INVINCIBLE!"
07) Great live music. ipods are cool and all, but you can never replicate the experience of singing along with a whole room/arena full of people singing the same song.
08) Great songs, when you can just relate in a particular way.
09) Accomplishing something, feels good to know you can do something, especially if you had never done it before.
10) Competing, win or lose, it forces you to try your hardest.
11) Grocery shopping, it's the only shopping when I am assured to come home with something.
12) Proper fitting clothing. Particularly jeans, suits, dress shirts.
13) Material obsessions, things I could have a ton of even though I need one, these include watches, jackets/coats, running shoes.
14) Being around family/friends, the people that really get you.
15) Brand new socks, you only get that feeling once per pair, when it's all soft, dry, plush and cushy. If I could wear new socks everyday, I would. Same goes for running shoes.
16) Girls. Okay at this age, I guess it's women. I suppose I don't really have to explain this one.
17) Lazy days, there's something satisfying about spending the whole day in pajamas, doing nothing really.
18) 10 hours of uninterrupted sleep, that almost never happens anymore.
19) Naps, maybe I wouldn't have so much coffee, if I could just sleep whenever I wanted.
20) Friday afternoons, not surprising since conversely Monday mornings are the worst.
21) Traveling, everything around you is new and interesting.
22) Hitting your card on the river. Also having your hand hold up to the river.
23) Questionable Scrabble plays that end up being in the dictionary.
24) Going out for dinner, food always tastes better when somebody else makes it. Okay that last part is not entirely true, but you get what I mean.
25) All green lights.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
New Years Resolution Song
Arkells - Blueprint
If my moves could match these words
And my heart beat like those drums,
I wouldn't feel the weight of the New Year.
I keep wishing time would stop
So I could figure some shit out -
I'd make a blueprint of what I plan to do here.
'Cause by next year if I regret another birthday,
Then I ain't going about things the right way.
I got a voice on my left. I got a voice on my right.
Lately I've been falling on the devil's side.
Hit the street, on your feet.
Don't retreat, let's go.
Never regret getting old.
Hit the street, on your feet.
Don't retreat, let's go.
Never assume what you're told.
Well, I ain't gonna fear the New Year.
I ain't gonna fear the New Year.
I ain't gonna fear the New Year.
I ain't gonna fear the New Year.
If my moves could match these words
And my heart beat like those drums,
I wouldn't feel the weight of the New Year.
I keep wishing time would stop
So I could figure some shit out -
I'd make a blueprint of what I plan to do here.
'Cause by next year if I regret another birthday,
Then I ain't going about things the right way.
I got a voice on my left. I got a voice on my right.
Lately I've been falling on the devil's side.
Hit the street, on your feet.
Don't retreat, let's go.
Never regret getting old.
Hit the street, on your feet.
Don't retreat, let's go.
Never assume what you're told.
Well, I ain't gonna fear the New Year.
I ain't gonna fear the New Year.
I ain't gonna fear the New Year.
I ain't gonna fear the New Year.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Is Anything Real Anymore?
Wow, 2 blog posts in one day. I guess I'm making up for the past while.
I was reading an article today in regards to a new ad campaign for a brewery. Creative types can be quite the fickle bunch, as the responses to the ad varied from, praise to insults.
I honestly don't understand why somebody would publicly squash somebody else's work. Verbally okay, but to publicly comment (especially anonymously) seems quite petty. Unless there is something that is universally bad about it (and in our business, nothing published is ever universally bad), then why comment on it. And if so, don't just say "I don't like it" or "been done before", in a business where we try to justify everything, these critics should as least justify their criticism with some sort of thoughtful support. Having said all this, who really cares? As long as the client is happy and it doesn't cause a loss of business to them, then everything should be at least satisfactory.
Another comment that is common amongst all of similar articles, is why is this even newsworthy?
First of all, campaigns come out all the time, why note this particular one? It's been duly noted that the same agencies get coverage and awards year after year. Does that make them better at what they do than most? Or do they just know the right people? A professor once told me that he completely shies away from the concept of awards of any type, not just the industry he's in, but all industries. Unless the award is based on quantifiable measured truths and facts, then it's just a popularity contest judged by a select panel. Because of this, it is completely subjective, where the opinion of an extremely small sample matters. Easily this is where pomp and politics come into play. Who knows whom, the glad handing, the support of particular associations or causes.
It's really all quite sickening when I think about it. How much reputation seems to come into play. While all the work is good and award worthy, how much of it is based on past performance? Or this person knows that person?
In a larger perspective, it really makes me question everything. How many decisions are influenced behind the scenes? Is anything believable anymore?
I was reading an article today in regards to a new ad campaign for a brewery. Creative types can be quite the fickle bunch, as the responses to the ad varied from, praise to insults.
I honestly don't understand why somebody would publicly squash somebody else's work. Verbally okay, but to publicly comment (especially anonymously) seems quite petty. Unless there is something that is universally bad about it (and in our business, nothing published is ever universally bad), then why comment on it. And if so, don't just say "I don't like it" or "been done before", in a business where we try to justify everything, these critics should as least justify their criticism with some sort of thoughtful support. Having said all this, who really cares? As long as the client is happy and it doesn't cause a loss of business to them, then everything should be at least satisfactory.
Another comment that is common amongst all of similar articles, is why is this even newsworthy?
First of all, campaigns come out all the time, why note this particular one? It's been duly noted that the same agencies get coverage and awards year after year. Does that make them better at what they do than most? Or do they just know the right people? A professor once told me that he completely shies away from the concept of awards of any type, not just the industry he's in, but all industries. Unless the award is based on quantifiable measured truths and facts, then it's just a popularity contest judged by a select panel. Because of this, it is completely subjective, where the opinion of an extremely small sample matters. Easily this is where pomp and politics come into play. Who knows whom, the glad handing, the support of particular associations or causes.
It's really all quite sickening when I think about it. How much reputation seems to come into play. While all the work is good and award worthy, how much of it is based on past performance? Or this person knows that person?
In a larger perspective, it really makes me question everything. How many decisions are influenced behind the scenes? Is anything believable anymore?
What Really Matters?
Sitting here at work the last few weeks, I've begun to wonder about what I'm doing with my life. Doing a job that is completely superficial, who's main purpose is to sell more product and benefits absolutely nobody other than lining a bunch of upper management's pockets, doesn't help. It's not the first time I've had these thoughts, and I'm sure it won't be the last.
Of the numerous professions that are available, how many contribute to society in a way, where you can go home at night and feel that you have contributed to society somehow? If we were to "trim the fat" in terms of jobs and occupations whose purposes in the grand scheme of things are useless, how many people would end up out of work? Would we be better off to have those people do other jobs where the contribution would profit not just faceless corporations, stock holders or CEOs, but humanity as a whole? I don't know, I guess it feels like there are so many "problems" in the world, and if we could all get our act together, maybe it wouldn't be so bad?
Think of all the brain power and man power that is going into things like how to build a better bomb, how to further increase profitability from already oppressed sweat shops, how to make chickens grow faster, how to market the next celebrity and the list goes on. If we could pool all those resources into things more useful, like renewable energy, sustainability planning, advancements in healthcare, research for incurable diseases, just to name a few, wouldn't the world be better? Why not place the focus back on things that really matter to humanity, shelter, the environment, education, health care and the general well being of people. The fact that the human race in general has placed its priorities so far from these essentials, makes me really wonder if there's any hope for humanity at all.
Of the numerous professions that are available, how many contribute to society in a way, where you can go home at night and feel that you have contributed to society somehow? If we were to "trim the fat" in terms of jobs and occupations whose purposes in the grand scheme of things are useless, how many people would end up out of work? Would we be better off to have those people do other jobs where the contribution would profit not just faceless corporations, stock holders or CEOs, but humanity as a whole? I don't know, I guess it feels like there are so many "problems" in the world, and if we could all get our act together, maybe it wouldn't be so bad?
Think of all the brain power and man power that is going into things like how to build a better bomb, how to further increase profitability from already oppressed sweat shops, how to make chickens grow faster, how to market the next celebrity and the list goes on. If we could pool all those resources into things more useful, like renewable energy, sustainability planning, advancements in healthcare, research for incurable diseases, just to name a few, wouldn't the world be better? Why not place the focus back on things that really matter to humanity, shelter, the environment, education, health care and the general well being of people. The fact that the human race in general has placed its priorities so far from these essentials, makes me really wonder if there's any hope for humanity at all.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Random Thought
A watched pot, never boils, but an unwatched pot, boils over. Hmmmmmm.... *scratches head*
Monday, November 22, 2010
Boring is Good?
My life is slowly getting back to "normal". I guess when I mean normal, I mean more like it was a few months ago. Things were slower, a lot more routine, I guess you could call it more boring. I certainly did. It didn't quite feel like being stuck in a rut, but more that there wasn't enough change to keep me interested. I thought that yeah maybe I wanted more excitement in my life, something different and new.
Little did I realize I'd be giving up a few things that I started to take for granted.
For starters, comfort. There's a certain sense of calmness and stability with routine. I know what to expect, when to expect it, and what's coming up ahead. It's like a soft cushy pillow. Secondly is control. There are a lot less variables when the only person I have to worry about is me. And for now, that's just the right amount of worry that I can handle. Returning back to these things, it almost makes me thankful for mundaneness of my life.
As boring as it may seem, I have to say, I kind of enjoy my life. Sure it's not glamourous or exciting, but I've come to realize, that's okay. Maybe it's just not for me.
Little did I realize I'd be giving up a few things that I started to take for granted.
For starters, comfort. There's a certain sense of calmness and stability with routine. I know what to expect, when to expect it, and what's coming up ahead. It's like a soft cushy pillow. Secondly is control. There are a lot less variables when the only person I have to worry about is me. And for now, that's just the right amount of worry that I can handle. Returning back to these things, it almost makes me thankful for mundaneness of my life.
As boring as it may seem, I have to say, I kind of enjoy my life. Sure it's not glamourous or exciting, but I've come to realize, that's okay. Maybe it's just not for me.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
I'm Sorry
I didn't mean to hurt you,
I didn't mean to make you cry,
but now it's time to say goodbye.
The beginning was full of fun and laughter,
how did this become a full blown disaster?
One month of bliss, one month of trouble
had me wondering if I was seeing double.
My feelings were so real,
it felt like nothing else mattered,
But soon enough the truth came out,
and all my dreams were shattered
Up and down I would go,
on an emotional rollercoaster, that wouldn't slow.
I tried my best to hit the brakes,
even still, you would not wait.
I played along, and told you what you wanted to hear.
Without considering all my reservations and my fear.
To promise you forever after six dates, I know I lied.
It was out of the question, I was hoping you'd come to realize.
I thought I knew who you really were,
but soon words came to mind, like "moody and insecure".
What was once smooth had become so tough,
The Beatles were wrong, love is not enough.
I will miss you dearly, for all that it's worth.
A heart and passion that burned, like a fiery hearth.
Your smile would light me, in a blink of an eye.
Your voice so sweet, giving me a high.
It truly does make me sad.
It's unfortunate you have to throw out the good with the bad.
It's not your fault, and it's not mine,
this was bound to happen over time.
I wish you could read this poem, maybe it would help you heal,
only then maybe you could understand how I truly feel.
I never meant for this to happen, and wish you all the best.
Now it's time for "us", to take its final rest.
After all this, I hope you can hold your head high,
I can only say I'm sorry, that I love you and a very sad goodbye.
I didn't mean to make you cry,
but now it's time to say goodbye.
The beginning was full of fun and laughter,
how did this become a full blown disaster?
One month of bliss, one month of trouble
had me wondering if I was seeing double.
My feelings were so real,
it felt like nothing else mattered,
But soon enough the truth came out,
and all my dreams were shattered
Up and down I would go,
on an emotional rollercoaster, that wouldn't slow.
I tried my best to hit the brakes,
even still, you would not wait.
I played along, and told you what you wanted to hear.
Without considering all my reservations and my fear.
To promise you forever after six dates, I know I lied.
It was out of the question, I was hoping you'd come to realize.
I thought I knew who you really were,
but soon words came to mind, like "moody and insecure".
What was once smooth had become so tough,
The Beatles were wrong, love is not enough.
I will miss you dearly, for all that it's worth.
A heart and passion that burned, like a fiery hearth.
Your smile would light me, in a blink of an eye.
Your voice so sweet, giving me a high.
It truly does make me sad.
It's unfortunate you have to throw out the good with the bad.
It's not your fault, and it's not mine,
this was bound to happen over time.
I wish you could read this poem, maybe it would help you heal,
only then maybe you could understand how I truly feel.
I never meant for this to happen, and wish you all the best.
Now it's time for "us", to take its final rest.
After all this, I hope you can hold your head high,
I can only say I'm sorry, that I love you and a very sad goodbye.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Lessons Learned
Lately I've been in a cataloguing mood.
So I've decided to list a bunch of lessons I've learned and keep a list to remind myself. I thought about doing this early, and have been putting it off, but now's as good a time as any.
01) Just because you love somebody, doesn't mean you can live with them.
02) Loving somebody's company is different than loving the person themselves.
03) Being alone is better than being with the wrong person.
04) Trying and failing, is better than the failure to try.
05) Looking back you always regret the things you didn't do, and not the things you did.
06) Stay hungry, it's the only way to grow. Stay stupid, it's the only way to learn.
07) Life is not about being perfect, it's about being yourself. Perfect is boring, people are interesting.
08) In the end, happiness is in your own hands and nobody else's.
09) Everyday there is the potential of change.
10) The goal of everyday, is to be better than yesterday.
11) Everybody is different, not better or worse, just different.
12) Simple is always better. Complicated takes too much work.
13) Live as stress-free as possible, why make life more difficult than it already is.
14) Let the people that are important to you know that they are, because they won't always be around to hear it.
15) Be open to new ideas, but consider past experience.
16) The older generation aren't always right, but they sure are more experienced. Keep that in mind.
17) Only worry about what you can control, everything else isn't up to you, and worrying about it, isn't going to help.
18) There will always be people who are better, more talented, but don't let people outwork you.
19) Work hard, but remember to work smart. Otherwise you could be wasting a lot of energy.
20) Many of the truths we cling to, depend greatly on our own point of view. (courtesy of Obi-Wan Kenobi)
21) Success is highly dependent on luck and timing. Putting yourself in the right position will increase your chances. But one must also be prepared to take advantage when the opportunity arises.
22) Be honest with yourself.
23) You have to know yourself before anybody else can get to know you.
24) Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. "Easy" doesn't enter into grown-up life. (courtesy of the movie The Weather Man)
25) At the end of the day, most things don't matter, but the things that do, matter a whole lot.
26) Because you can be anyone for anybody, and they'll like you but you'll never be truly happy. (courtesy of Darren)
27) Don't think you are, know you are. (courtesy of Morpheus)
28) You know you're overdue when you just don't care anymore.
29) Always use the appropriate amount of force. You don't use a sledgehammer to hang a photo do you?
30) Knowledge can be obtained, but wisdom only comes with age.
31)
32)
33)
34)
35)
So I've decided to list a bunch of lessons I've learned and keep a list to remind myself. I thought about doing this early, and have been putting it off, but now's as good a time as any.
01) Just because you love somebody, doesn't mean you can live with them.
02) Loving somebody's company is different than loving the person themselves.
03) Being alone is better than being with the wrong person.
04) Trying and failing, is better than the failure to try.
05) Looking back you always regret the things you didn't do, and not the things you did.
06) Stay hungry, it's the only way to grow. Stay stupid, it's the only way to learn.
07) Life is not about being perfect, it's about being yourself. Perfect is boring, people are interesting.
08) In the end, happiness is in your own hands and nobody else's.
09) Everyday there is the potential of change.
10) The goal of everyday, is to be better than yesterday.
11) Everybody is different, not better or worse, just different.
12) Simple is always better. Complicated takes too much work.
13) Live as stress-free as possible, why make life more difficult than it already is.
14) Let the people that are important to you know that they are, because they won't always be around to hear it.
15) Be open to new ideas, but consider past experience.
16) The older generation aren't always right, but they sure are more experienced. Keep that in mind.
17) Only worry about what you can control, everything else isn't up to you, and worrying about it, isn't going to help.
18) There will always be people who are better, more talented, but don't let people outwork you.
19) Work hard, but remember to work smart. Otherwise you could be wasting a lot of energy.
20) Many of the truths we cling to, depend greatly on our own point of view. (courtesy of Obi-Wan Kenobi)
21) Success is highly dependent on luck and timing. Putting yourself in the right position will increase your chances. But one must also be prepared to take advantage when the opportunity arises.
22) Be honest with yourself.
23) You have to know yourself before anybody else can get to know you.
24) Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. "Easy" doesn't enter into grown-up life. (courtesy of the movie The Weather Man)
25) At the end of the day, most things don't matter, but the things that do, matter a whole lot.
26) Because you can be anyone for anybody, and they'll like you but you'll never be truly happy. (courtesy of Darren)
27) Don't think you are, know you are. (courtesy of Morpheus)
28) You know you're overdue when you just don't care anymore.
29) Always use the appropriate amount of force. You don't use a sledgehammer to hang a photo do you?
30) Knowledge can be obtained, but wisdom only comes with age.
31)
32)
33)
34)
35)
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Chemisty is Not Enough :(
A bitter lesson was learned. After spending the past two months with a particular somebody, it has unfortunately come to an end. It was my choice, and being the person to end things, I realize how tough it can be on this side of things.
As quickly as it rose, it fell. While at first things seemed so promising, the decline was just as deflating.
I suppose chemistry only goes so far. You can have fun with somebody, but at the end of the day, you need to have more than that. Yes she was fun, spontaneous, lived life to the fullest, witty, silly, thoughtful and kind. But on the flip side, she was also rough, blunt, intolerant, short-tempered, jealous and obsessive.
I was told that I was focusing too much on the negative, but you have to look at the relationship as a whole. I've fallen into that too often, looking only at the positive, turning a blind eye to the negative. In the end the only thing I did was hold in feelings and live in denial about the situation. Sure I could've enjoyed the good times and do my best to ignore the bad, but after 2 months, how much bad should there be?
I understand there will be disagreements and fights, but how could things go so up and down in less than 100 days? What sort of future would that relationship hold?
I really don't get how people can go through this carousel over and over again. A cycle of ultimate highs and lows. It's frustrating, demoralizing and feels like self torture. I suppose they say it's worth it in the end, but right now it certainly doesn't feel like it.
Even through all of this, I question if I did the right thing. Will I be the one that got away or will she be the one that I let go too early? I suppose time will tell, but in either case it hurts. I'm sad and upset and emotional, but I'm also calm and not mad at all. What does that mean? I'm hoping it means I'm doing what's right in the end.
The actual break up went remarkably well I guess. There was crying and tears (on her part), but there was also reflection and apologies and laughter. And that's what gets me, even during the relationship's darkest hour, there was still laughter. I've been told that once I make a decision, I should only look forward and never look back. But how can you do that, when even with all the bad, there was still so much good.
FLEETWOOD MAC - DON'T STOP
If you wake up and don't want to smile,
If it takes just a little while,
Open your eyes and look at the day,
You'll see things in a different way.
Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
Why not think about times to come,
And not about the things that you've done,
If your life was bad to you,
Just think what tomorrow will do.
Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
All I want is to see you smile,
If it takes just a little while,
I know you don't believe that it's true,
I never meant any harm to you.
Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
Don't you look back,
Don't you look back.
As quickly as it rose, it fell. While at first things seemed so promising, the decline was just as deflating.
I suppose chemistry only goes so far. You can have fun with somebody, but at the end of the day, you need to have more than that. Yes she was fun, spontaneous, lived life to the fullest, witty, silly, thoughtful and kind. But on the flip side, she was also rough, blunt, intolerant, short-tempered, jealous and obsessive.
I was told that I was focusing too much on the negative, but you have to look at the relationship as a whole. I've fallen into that too often, looking only at the positive, turning a blind eye to the negative. In the end the only thing I did was hold in feelings and live in denial about the situation. Sure I could've enjoyed the good times and do my best to ignore the bad, but after 2 months, how much bad should there be?
I understand there will be disagreements and fights, but how could things go so up and down in less than 100 days? What sort of future would that relationship hold?
I really don't get how people can go through this carousel over and over again. A cycle of ultimate highs and lows. It's frustrating, demoralizing and feels like self torture. I suppose they say it's worth it in the end, but right now it certainly doesn't feel like it.
Even through all of this, I question if I did the right thing. Will I be the one that got away or will she be the one that I let go too early? I suppose time will tell, but in either case it hurts. I'm sad and upset and emotional, but I'm also calm and not mad at all. What does that mean? I'm hoping it means I'm doing what's right in the end.
The actual break up went remarkably well I guess. There was crying and tears (on her part), but there was also reflection and apologies and laughter. And that's what gets me, even during the relationship's darkest hour, there was still laughter. I've been told that once I make a decision, I should only look forward and never look back. But how can you do that, when even with all the bad, there was still so much good.
FLEETWOOD MAC - DON'T STOP
If you wake up and don't want to smile,
If it takes just a little while,
Open your eyes and look at the day,
You'll see things in a different way.
Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
Why not think about times to come,
And not about the things that you've done,
If your life was bad to you,
Just think what tomorrow will do.
Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
All I want is to see you smile,
If it takes just a little while,
I know you don't believe that it's true,
I never meant any harm to you.
Don't stop, thinking about tomorrow,
Don't stop, it'll soon be here,
It'll be, better than before,
Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone.
Don't you look back,
Don't you look back.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Soundtrack of My Life - Part 4
After much thought, I've decided to list "The Soundtrack of My Life". Yeah there'll certainly be some terrible stuff on here, but oh well, it's part of my life. In no particular order, the artist and song or album will appear, with reasoning below:
NOTE: This post is on-going, it would take forever to catalogue everything and why, so stay tuned!
Oasis - What's the Story Morning Glory (Album)
The band and album that would be the beginning of my semi-obsession with Brit-Rock/Brit-Pop. Wonderwall was the non-ballad ballad that's become a classic. With Noel's Beatles-esque writing formula, and Liam's whiney voice, it had me hooked. It's simple (Don't Look Back in Anger), complex (Champagne Supernova), loud (Hello), romantic (Wonderwall), depressing (Cast No Shadow), angry (Morning Glory) amongst other things all at once. If I had one album to define high school for me, it would be this album.
Aerosmith - Nine Lives (Album)
My introduction into "real" American rock. Though way past their prime (Toys in the Attic, Back in the Saddle, etc...), it was also past their campy 80s (Dude Looks Like a Lady, Angel, Deuces are Wild).
Puff Daddy - No Way Out (Album)
An unfortunate introduction to hip hop. When there were much better options available, somehow No Way Out became hip hop for the masses. This was beginning, if not close to, of the change of direction of hip hop's message of "life on the streets" to "cash/money, hoes". IMO, Puff Daddy cashed in on his friend (and much better rapper) Notorious BIG's death with his so-called tribute album. For better or worse, Mo Money Mo Problems was the "song of the year" my graduating year.
Coldplay - A Rush of Blood to the Head (Album)
While Parachutes was amazing in its own right, A Rush of Blood to the Head was in a league of its own. I can't think of any other album, where songs 1-5 (Politik, In My Place, God Put a Smile on Your Face, The Scientist, Clocks) are incredible. While Parachutes didn't include any clunkers (Daylight, A Whisper I could've really done without), it was not nearly as emotionally charged.
Bob Schneider - I'm Good Now (Album)
An album with songs about life and acceptance. A feel good album without being preachy or bouncy. Serious and introspective, yet remains fun and upbeat. What life should be...
John Mayer - Continuum (Album)
While he might be the biggest douchebag in music, and his lyrics ultra shmaltzy, he still is a decent singer and super talented guitarist. At his worst, he's commercial, empty, and tries too hard. And at his best, (and this album really is him at his best for the most part), he's introspective, thoughtful and emotive.
Fleetwood Mac - The Dance (Album)
The long awaited reunion of Fleetwood Mac's strongest line up of Fleetwood, McVie, McVie, Nicks, Buckingham. While I wasn't old enough to experience the original classic album Rumours, The Dance brings the players together again, older, reconciled and retrospective. The songs are just as amazing as the originals, and in some ways even better, now that they are sung from a much more experienced place.
Michael Jackson - Thriller
Single after single, his sound is just as relevant and holds up today. As a person, yeah kinda creepy, but we'll never know for sure, but as a singer, performer and artist, a cultural phenomenon, the influence is still felt today. I'll take Billie Jean over anything that Usher, Ne-yo, Chris Brown, Justin Timberlake, etc... can throw out.
Zero 7 - Simple Things (Album)
Best album to just chill out to, great for evenings after work, or lazy sundays.
Paolo Nutini - These Streets (Album)
A young man's documentation of ranges of experiences dealing with love, written in song.
Franz Ferdinand - Fire (Song)
An angry song that I can get on board with. It perfectly describes (at least to me), anger/rage.
Travis - Flowers in the Window (Song)
A love song I can get on board with. Until I heard the story behind the song... oh well.
Travis - Re-Offender (Song)
If you've ever been with somebody only to have the same issues occur over and over again, this song's for you.
Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity (Song)
The song is great, but the music video is one of the most memorable.
Van Halen - Right Now (Song)
The piano intro alone is enough, but the song was one of the first with a message that hit me. Also amazing music video.
Stone Temple Pilots - Interstate Love Song (Song)
One of the only times you see Scott Weiland's vulnerable, softer side.
Tom Petty - Walls (Song)
"Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks" nuff said
Johnny Cash - Hurt (Song)
We'll call this my "crying song", because I can't help but get emotional when I hear it. If you haven't seen the music video, go on youtube and watch it now.
No Doubt - Don't Speak (Song)
The quintessential break up song in high school (and to this day I think). No Doubt's only classic off their multi hit Tragic Kingdom. Gwen Stefani should go back to writing about life, and stop writing songs with lyrics like, B-A-N-A-N-A-S (though I have to admit, I find that song super catchy).
NOTE: This post is on-going, it would take forever to catalogue everything and why, so stay tuned!
Oasis - What's the Story Morning Glory (Album)
The band and album that would be the beginning of my semi-obsession with Brit-Rock/Brit-Pop. Wonderwall was the non-ballad ballad that's become a classic. With Noel's Beatles-esque writing formula, and Liam's whiney voice, it had me hooked. It's simple (Don't Look Back in Anger), complex (Champagne Supernova), loud (Hello), romantic (Wonderwall), depressing (Cast No Shadow), angry (Morning Glory) amongst other things all at once. If I had one album to define high school for me, it would be this album.
Aerosmith - Nine Lives (Album)
My introduction into "real" American rock. Though way past their prime (Toys in the Attic, Back in the Saddle, etc...), it was also past their campy 80s (Dude Looks Like a Lady, Angel, Deuces are Wild).
Puff Daddy - No Way Out (Album)
An unfortunate introduction to hip hop. When there were much better options available, somehow No Way Out became hip hop for the masses. This was beginning, if not close to, of the change of direction of hip hop's message of "life on the streets" to "cash/money, hoes". IMO, Puff Daddy cashed in on his friend (and much better rapper) Notorious BIG's death with his so-called tribute album. For better or worse, Mo Money Mo Problems was the "song of the year" my graduating year.
Coldplay - A Rush of Blood to the Head (Album)
While Parachutes was amazing in its own right, A Rush of Blood to the Head was in a league of its own. I can't think of any other album, where songs 1-5 (Politik, In My Place, God Put a Smile on Your Face, The Scientist, Clocks) are incredible. While Parachutes didn't include any clunkers (Daylight, A Whisper I could've really done without), it was not nearly as emotionally charged.
Bob Schneider - I'm Good Now (Album)
An album with songs about life and acceptance. A feel good album without being preachy or bouncy. Serious and introspective, yet remains fun and upbeat. What life should be...
John Mayer - Continuum (Album)
While he might be the biggest douchebag in music, and his lyrics ultra shmaltzy, he still is a decent singer and super talented guitarist. At his worst, he's commercial, empty, and tries too hard. And at his best, (and this album really is him at his best for the most part), he's introspective, thoughtful and emotive.
Fleetwood Mac - The Dance (Album)
The long awaited reunion of Fleetwood Mac's strongest line up of Fleetwood, McVie, McVie, Nicks, Buckingham. While I wasn't old enough to experience the original classic album Rumours, The Dance brings the players together again, older, reconciled and retrospective. The songs are just as amazing as the originals, and in some ways even better, now that they are sung from a much more experienced place.
Michael Jackson - Thriller
Single after single, his sound is just as relevant and holds up today. As a person, yeah kinda creepy, but we'll never know for sure, but as a singer, performer and artist, a cultural phenomenon, the influence is still felt today. I'll take Billie Jean over anything that Usher, Ne-yo, Chris Brown, Justin Timberlake, etc... can throw out.
Zero 7 - Simple Things (Album)
Best album to just chill out to, great for evenings after work, or lazy sundays.
Paolo Nutini - These Streets (Album)
A young man's documentation of ranges of experiences dealing with love, written in song.
Franz Ferdinand - Fire (Song)
An angry song that I can get on board with. It perfectly describes (at least to me), anger/rage.
Travis - Flowers in the Window (Song)
A love song I can get on board with. Until I heard the story behind the song... oh well.
Travis - Re-Offender (Song)
If you've ever been with somebody only to have the same issues occur over and over again, this song's for you.
Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity (Song)
The song is great, but the music video is one of the most memorable.
Van Halen - Right Now (Song)
The piano intro alone is enough, but the song was one of the first with a message that hit me. Also amazing music video.
Stone Temple Pilots - Interstate Love Song (Song)
One of the only times you see Scott Weiland's vulnerable, softer side.
Tom Petty - Walls (Song)
"Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks" nuff said
Johnny Cash - Hurt (Song)
We'll call this my "crying song", because I can't help but get emotional when I hear it. If you haven't seen the music video, go on youtube and watch it now.
No Doubt - Don't Speak (Song)
The quintessential break up song in high school (and to this day I think). No Doubt's only classic off their multi hit Tragic Kingdom. Gwen Stefani should go back to writing about life, and stop writing songs with lyrics like, B-A-N-A-N-A-S (though I have to admit, I find that song super catchy).
Who am I... Part 2
I have always loved watching Mad Men, even before all the rage, I was a huge fan from day one. After extensive viewings of Mad Men, now just finishing its 4th season, I've come to realize why I have such an interest in the show's main character Don Draper. He is a man who lives multiple lives. He is a slick ad man of NYC. He's also a family man, with a beautiful wife and 2 kids. He's a man who seems to have it all. But as the show progresses you also find out he's a womanizer, an adulterer, an alcoholic, a man of his vices, insecure, temperamental and many other surprising things.
I feel much like Draper, I have fallen into a world of different lives. A face for different scenarios and different people. Faces that play into those situations, I suppose in my thoughts were to my advantage. At different stages, I've been the nice guy, the outgoing guy, the quiet guy, the sensitive guy, the funny guy and so on. I suppose you could argue that I'm all of the above and none of the above. I feel like I've come to a point where I've played so many roles to different people and different situations, do I even know myself anymore?
Because of this, I hate the question 'so tell me about yourself'.
After having such a restrictive lifestyle for the past 15 years (5 years badminton, 10 years relationship), Unlike many people my age, I have never had the opportunity to have self discovery and exploration. Now before anybody starts on how relationships/commitments don't have to be that way, let me put it this way. You're always with somebody, so you're always considering them in what you do. As a couple, you become a single entity comprised of two people, where both people always consider one another. To be single, is a completely different experience.
In some ways I feel like an adult, having gone through an long term commitment to somebody or something, and the things that go along with that (dedication to a craft, sacrificing wants for future needs, accustomed to routine, the allocation of resources, etc...).
In other ways I feel so behind most people, generally in terms of range of experiences, preferences and tastes, general self-affirmation and sense of self. I feel as if I missed out on my years to be irresponsible, to act solely on emotion, to be reckless without thought of repercussion, to push the bounds to find out my comfort zone.
With this new found freedom, I find myself floating adrift internally in terms of personality and identity. From what I have seen, it appears too late to try to have those freewheeling ways. Perhaps it's just not in my personality. Am I meant to be a settled, homebody, who enjoys the constant?
Having the disposition of people pleaser and agreeable (usually), I find myself easily molded into whatever the situation may ask of me. But this has also lead to me being a pushover, a person of no opinion, somebody without a position. While I hate to disappoint others, and I do my best not to, I find I am continually disappointing myself. Sacrificing my opinions and my beliefs. Perhaps it is time that I take a stand for what I believe (if I even know what I believe anymore). To do every action with reason and conviction. To be unapologetic. To live my life for me, and not for other people.
I feel much like Draper, I have fallen into a world of different lives. A face for different scenarios and different people. Faces that play into those situations, I suppose in my thoughts were to my advantage. At different stages, I've been the nice guy, the outgoing guy, the quiet guy, the sensitive guy, the funny guy and so on. I suppose you could argue that I'm all of the above and none of the above. I feel like I've come to a point where I've played so many roles to different people and different situations, do I even know myself anymore?
Because of this, I hate the question 'so tell me about yourself'.
After having such a restrictive lifestyle for the past 15 years (5 years badminton, 10 years relationship), Unlike many people my age, I have never had the opportunity to have self discovery and exploration. Now before anybody starts on how relationships/commitments don't have to be that way, let me put it this way. You're always with somebody, so you're always considering them in what you do. As a couple, you become a single entity comprised of two people, where both people always consider one another. To be single, is a completely different experience.
In some ways I feel like an adult, having gone through an long term commitment to somebody or something, and the things that go along with that (dedication to a craft, sacrificing wants for future needs, accustomed to routine, the allocation of resources, etc...).
In other ways I feel so behind most people, generally in terms of range of experiences, preferences and tastes, general self-affirmation and sense of self. I feel as if I missed out on my years to be irresponsible, to act solely on emotion, to be reckless without thought of repercussion, to push the bounds to find out my comfort zone.
With this new found freedom, I find myself floating adrift internally in terms of personality and identity. From what I have seen, it appears too late to try to have those freewheeling ways. Perhaps it's just not in my personality. Am I meant to be a settled, homebody, who enjoys the constant?
Having the disposition of people pleaser and agreeable (usually), I find myself easily molded into whatever the situation may ask of me. But this has also lead to me being a pushover, a person of no opinion, somebody without a position. While I hate to disappoint others, and I do my best not to, I find I am continually disappointing myself. Sacrificing my opinions and my beliefs. Perhaps it is time that I take a stand for what I believe (if I even know what I believe anymore). To do every action with reason and conviction. To be unapologetic. To live my life for me, and not for other people.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Top 10 Movies
Somebody asked me the other day what my top 10 movies were. I wasn't really sure how to answer that question. Do I base it on blowing me away or by the number of views? In the end, I went with movies that I've watched over and over again to the point where I can rehearse the script. So I guess this makes this list more along the lines of my favourite movies. While they may not be Academy Award winning or particularly profound, they must hold a special place for me to keep going to them over and over again.
So here it goes in no particular order:
10: The Matrix
The movie that blew everybody away in high school and spawned a cultural phenomenon. My generation's Star Wars, it raised questions of reality, humanity, technology, progression and evolution. Wrapped in a slick, comic noir, action movie, soon everybody was "dodging bullets" in the cafeteria, while wearing their sunglasses and trench coats.
Though my viewings have waned over time, Keanu gets annoying. While the 2nd part, Matrix Reloaded, I think was the best of the trilogy, the finale in Matrix Revolutions was enough to make the entire series unsatisfying.
9: Oceans 11 and Oceans 12 (The remakes)
Sorry Rat Pack, I find your version too campy. Plus this was the first movie that spawned the star studded ensemble genre (followed later by Crash, Love Actually and so on).
8: Batman Begins
Yes The Dark Knight is a better movie with Heath Ledger gives his finest and last performance, and the storyline is darker and more complex. But for me, Batman Begins is more watchable in terms of repeat watches. The time elapsed is more manageable at 2 hours instead of 3.
7: Talledega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
I can't think of any other movie that is so jam packed full of jokes. Every time I re-watch the movie, I find something new that's funny. Though Anchorman and Elf may have been better performances from Will Ferrell, Ricky Bobby had a much better supporting cast humour wise than the other two.
6. The Bourne Trilogy
Matt Damon as an action star?!?! That's what I originally thought upon the first movies' release. But with it's mysterious storyline, complex action sequences and innovative cinematography, it changed the action movie genre completely. Without it, I doubt Casino Royale would have ever happened.
5: Star Wars (The Original Trilogy)
Specifically Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. While the effects now look dated, the script campy some of the acting mediocre (specifically Mark Hamill), the story is just as great as the first time I watched it as a kid, and the ideologies are even more relevant now.
On a side note, I remember watching the trilogy almost twice in a row (approx 12 hours) when studying for my grade 10 business exam. It was background to almost my entire high school exam studying career.
4: 10 Things I Hate About You
While American Pie 1 and 2 were arguably the teen movies of my generation, 10 Things I Hate About You is my teen movie of choice. A modern re-telling of Taming of the Shrew, the characters while exaggerated, were much more real, the jokes were smarter and sharper and the actors much better (Julia Stiles, Heath Ledger, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Gabrielle Union, etc...).
3: Before Sunrise/Before Sunset
This indie romantic comedy features dialogue primarily between the two main characters. When I say primarily, I mean 95% plus. The character development and witty dialogue carry these films. Shot with only one camera, these movies stand out for me during a time when whoever has the biggest special effects budget, no matter how much it sucks, usually wins the day, that's right Avatar, I'm looking squarely at your crappy 3-D ass.
2: Transformers (The original animated movie)
I never cry during movies, but I ALMOST cry every time Optimus Prime dies.
1: The Princess Bride
There are way too many memorable quotes, but the dialogue I still remember hearing for the first time watching it as a child was during the sword battle between Wesley (The Man in Black) and Inigo.
Inigo Montoya: You are wonderful.
Man in Black: Thank you; I've worked hard to become so.
Inigo Montoya: I admit it, you are better than I am.
Man in Black: Then why are you smiling?
Inigo Montoya: Because I know something you don't know.
Man in Black: And what is that?
Inigo Montoya: I... am not left-handed.
[Moves his sword to his right hand and gains an advantage]
Man in Black: You are amazing.
Inigo Montoya: I ought to be, after 20 years.
Man in Black: Oh, there's something I ought to tell you.
Inigo Montoya: Tell me.
Man in Black: I'm not left-handed either.
So here it goes in no particular order:
10: The Matrix
The movie that blew everybody away in high school and spawned a cultural phenomenon. My generation's Star Wars, it raised questions of reality, humanity, technology, progression and evolution. Wrapped in a slick, comic noir, action movie, soon everybody was "dodging bullets" in the cafeteria, while wearing their sunglasses and trench coats.
Though my viewings have waned over time, Keanu gets annoying. While the 2nd part, Matrix Reloaded, I think was the best of the trilogy, the finale in Matrix Revolutions was enough to make the entire series unsatisfying.
9: Oceans 11 and Oceans 12 (The remakes)
Sorry Rat Pack, I find your version too campy. Plus this was the first movie that spawned the star studded ensemble genre (followed later by Crash, Love Actually and so on).
8: Batman Begins
Yes The Dark Knight is a better movie with Heath Ledger gives his finest and last performance, and the storyline is darker and more complex. But for me, Batman Begins is more watchable in terms of repeat watches. The time elapsed is more manageable at 2 hours instead of 3.
7: Talledega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
I can't think of any other movie that is so jam packed full of jokes. Every time I re-watch the movie, I find something new that's funny. Though Anchorman and Elf may have been better performances from Will Ferrell, Ricky Bobby had a much better supporting cast humour wise than the other two.
6. The Bourne Trilogy
Matt Damon as an action star?!?! That's what I originally thought upon the first movies' release. But with it's mysterious storyline, complex action sequences and innovative cinematography, it changed the action movie genre completely. Without it, I doubt Casino Royale would have ever happened.
5: Star Wars (The Original Trilogy)
Specifically Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. While the effects now look dated, the script campy some of the acting mediocre (specifically Mark Hamill), the story is just as great as the first time I watched it as a kid, and the ideologies are even more relevant now.
On a side note, I remember watching the trilogy almost twice in a row (approx 12 hours) when studying for my grade 10 business exam. It was background to almost my entire high school exam studying career.
4: 10 Things I Hate About You
While American Pie 1 and 2 were arguably the teen movies of my generation, 10 Things I Hate About You is my teen movie of choice. A modern re-telling of Taming of the Shrew, the characters while exaggerated, were much more real, the jokes were smarter and sharper and the actors much better (Julia Stiles, Heath Ledger, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Gabrielle Union, etc...).
3: Before Sunrise/Before Sunset
This indie romantic comedy features dialogue primarily between the two main characters. When I say primarily, I mean 95% plus. The character development and witty dialogue carry these films. Shot with only one camera, these movies stand out for me during a time when whoever has the biggest special effects budget, no matter how much it sucks, usually wins the day, that's right Avatar, I'm looking squarely at your crappy 3-D ass.
2: Transformers (The original animated movie)
I never cry during movies, but I ALMOST cry every time Optimus Prime dies.
1: The Princess Bride
There are way too many memorable quotes, but the dialogue I still remember hearing for the first time watching it as a child was during the sword battle between Wesley (The Man in Black) and Inigo.
Inigo Montoya: You are wonderful.
Man in Black: Thank you; I've worked hard to become so.
Inigo Montoya: I admit it, you are better than I am.
Man in Black: Then why are you smiling?
Inigo Montoya: Because I know something you don't know.
Man in Black: And what is that?
Inigo Montoya: I... am not left-handed.
[Moves his sword to his right hand and gains an advantage]
Man in Black: You are amazing.
Inigo Montoya: I ought to be, after 20 years.
Man in Black: Oh, there's something I ought to tell you.
Inigo Montoya: Tell me.
Man in Black: I'm not left-handed either.
Friday, October 22, 2010
The Secret to Life According to Dirty Harry
"That's the secret to life, really -- never stop learning. It's the secret to career. I'm still working because I learn something new all the time. It's the secret to relationships. Never think you've got it all."
- Clint Eastwood
- Clint Eastwood
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Timelines
I recently got the question "What age would you want to get married?". Before in my younger years, I'd say when I'm 30. Being very close to that now, I'm pretty sure that's impossible. But I'm not really sweating it, in fact, I'm perfectly okay with the fact that I'm not close.
I feel like I'm at this weird crossing point in my life, between youth and adulthood. While my current answer to the above question is "It'll happen whenever I meet the right person and it happens". I guess I figure things happen if and when they're suppose to happen. Benchmarks in life come in forms of events, not in terms of numbers. By trying to conform one's events to a schedule (married, kids, etc... by a certain age), puts undue pressure on people, and really end up making choices for the wrong reasons.
But I can't help but wonder how long can I go on saying that? I understand the whole, it's better to be alone than with the wrong person idea, but at some point, that probably changes in some people's minds. You see it all the time, couples who marry late in life, and you can't help but wonder whether it's out of desperation or resignation.
Now I've made a deal with myself before mentally, and now it's in writing, so hold me to it! I will by no means ever marry somebody if it comes down to that age and for those reasons. But then I have to wonder, if it did get to that point, am I meant to be single forever? I suppose it happens to people, though rarely, but one could make the argument that it should happen more often than it does.
Really this just doesn't apply to marriage alone, but everything, owning a house, having a particular lifestyle and so on. I find as the optimism of youth running thin, life has clearly become a game of balancing expectation (by one's self) and reality.
I feel like I'm at this weird crossing point in my life, between youth and adulthood. While my current answer to the above question is "It'll happen whenever I meet the right person and it happens". I guess I figure things happen if and when they're suppose to happen. Benchmarks in life come in forms of events, not in terms of numbers. By trying to conform one's events to a schedule (married, kids, etc... by a certain age), puts undue pressure on people, and really end up making choices for the wrong reasons.
But I can't help but wonder how long can I go on saying that? I understand the whole, it's better to be alone than with the wrong person idea, but at some point, that probably changes in some people's minds. You see it all the time, couples who marry late in life, and you can't help but wonder whether it's out of desperation or resignation.
Now I've made a deal with myself before mentally, and now it's in writing, so hold me to it! I will by no means ever marry somebody if it comes down to that age and for those reasons. But then I have to wonder, if it did get to that point, am I meant to be single forever? I suppose it happens to people, though rarely, but one could make the argument that it should happen more often than it does.
Really this just doesn't apply to marriage alone, but everything, owning a house, having a particular lifestyle and so on. I find as the optimism of youth running thin, life has clearly become a game of balancing expectation (by one's self) and reality.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Does This Thing Come With a Manual?
I really wish life did. And even if it did, would it be any good?
Living life in theory, should be pretty easy. Be a good person, work hard and everything should be okee dokee. In practice it is much harder. When we're growing up, we're taught all sorts of "truths". Over time, you realize that they really don't hold up in the real world. I guess here are a few that I really have problems with.
1) Be nice to everybody and everybody will be nice to you.
I mean WTF is that? The biggest load of bs I can think of. While this will hold true some of the time, it can be a pretty dog eat dog world out there.
2) Good always wins over evil.
Ummmmmm no, there are enough examples of that in the news where I don't really have to say anymore.
3) Turn the other cheek.
Yeah, only if you want to get slapped again. The world is full of opportunists. You have to stand up for yourself, because after a certain point in time, you're the only one who will. I prefer "wrong me once, shame on you, wrong me twice, shame on me".
4) Everything will work out in the end.
This really I think is the biggest fallacy. You can do everything right, work the hardest you ever have, and in the end, without a little luck, nothing will ever come of things. Perhaps people would say it was not meant to be, but that only depends on whether you believe in fate.
I guess it boils down to that the world isn't black and white. I wouldn't even say that it's grey. It's more like this weird mishmash of colours. And it doesn't go in a straight line, or even a curved line. It's more like random points that are connected, sometimes things just happen and you have no idea how you got there.
Getting over the above certainly takes time, especially when it's been ingrained from kindergarten. Is this the mark of adulthood? Cynicism upon experiencing the imperfections of the real world.
Living life in theory, should be pretty easy. Be a good person, work hard and everything should be okee dokee. In practice it is much harder. When we're growing up, we're taught all sorts of "truths". Over time, you realize that they really don't hold up in the real world. I guess here are a few that I really have problems with.
1) Be nice to everybody and everybody will be nice to you.
I mean WTF is that? The biggest load of bs I can think of. While this will hold true some of the time, it can be a pretty dog eat dog world out there.
2) Good always wins over evil.
Ummmmmm no, there are enough examples of that in the news where I don't really have to say anymore.
3) Turn the other cheek.
Yeah, only if you want to get slapped again. The world is full of opportunists. You have to stand up for yourself, because after a certain point in time, you're the only one who will. I prefer "wrong me once, shame on you, wrong me twice, shame on me".
4) Everything will work out in the end.
This really I think is the biggest fallacy. You can do everything right, work the hardest you ever have, and in the end, without a little luck, nothing will ever come of things. Perhaps people would say it was not meant to be, but that only depends on whether you believe in fate.
I guess it boils down to that the world isn't black and white. I wouldn't even say that it's grey. It's more like this weird mishmash of colours. And it doesn't go in a straight line, or even a curved line. It's more like random points that are connected, sometimes things just happen and you have no idea how you got there.
Getting over the above certainly takes time, especially when it's been ingrained from kindergarten. Is this the mark of adulthood? Cynicism upon experiencing the imperfections of the real world.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Decisions, decisions - Part 2
There are so many decisions that are made each day unconsciously.
We wake up, eat breakfast, get ready and go to work. Then we come home, eat dinner, followed by however we spend our limited personal time, then go to bed. This cycle repeats over 200 times a year!
It is easy to just go through the motions. It is a conscious decision to maintain this status quo.
Even the smallest things of this routine, there's choice. These actions are more habits, from brushing your teeth, to what to have for breakfast (most people have the same or similar things everyday I find).
Then there are the bigger things that are more unconscious, they are woven into the fabric of our being. If you really wanted to, you could choose to not go into work, do something different with the personal time, choose to not be with whomever your significant other is at the time.
There's a "rut" that most people at one time or another feel they're stuck in. And we all speak as if nothing can be done about it, but change nonetheless is available to anybody at anytime. Of course there are repercussions to change. Cavities (brushing teeth), unemployment (work), hunger (breakfast) and so on and so forth.
While the above may sound rather cynical and downtrodden, there's a silver lining to this post. We're never as stuck as we think we are. Everyday is an opportunity for change. Whether for better or worse, we never know until it all plays out. But isn't progress, regardless the outcome, better than being stagnant? Why wait for tomorrow, because tomorrow may never come.
We wake up, eat breakfast, get ready and go to work. Then we come home, eat dinner, followed by however we spend our limited personal time, then go to bed. This cycle repeats over 200 times a year!
It is easy to just go through the motions. It is a conscious decision to maintain this status quo.
Even the smallest things of this routine, there's choice. These actions are more habits, from brushing your teeth, to what to have for breakfast (most people have the same or similar things everyday I find).
Then there are the bigger things that are more unconscious, they are woven into the fabric of our being. If you really wanted to, you could choose to not go into work, do something different with the personal time, choose to not be with whomever your significant other is at the time.
There's a "rut" that most people at one time or another feel they're stuck in. And we all speak as if nothing can be done about it, but change nonetheless is available to anybody at anytime. Of course there are repercussions to change. Cavities (brushing teeth), unemployment (work), hunger (breakfast) and so on and so forth.
While the above may sound rather cynical and downtrodden, there's a silver lining to this post. We're never as stuck as we think we are. Everyday is an opportunity for change. Whether for better or worse, we never know until it all plays out. But isn't progress, regardless the outcome, better than being stagnant? Why wait for tomorrow, because tomorrow may never come.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Couldn't Say it Any Better
"Some days are diamonds,
some days are rocks."
- Tom Petty from the song Walls
some days are rocks."
- Tom Petty from the song Walls
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
The Holidays...
It's Thanksgiving Day, and I have a lot to be thankful for. Though I can't help but feel holidays are like benchmarks of time passing. Work weeks just seem to blend into each other. Even the passing of seasons now go by in a blur. Holidays (and vacations) that annually remain, for me, the time of year that is memorable.
When I was a kid, it was all about the fun and the feast. The last few years I'm starting to recognize the importance of these times of year. As it's becoming more and more rare to have people all gather together, even if it's for a limited time, it makes these times even more special.
I guess one thing that makes me wonder and sad at the same time, is that perhaps eventually this won't exist anymore. Not that the holidays will disappear, it'll just be in a different form. I've never been good at dealing with change, and have a terrible habit of not just resisting, but rebelling against it. While I understand the inevitability of evolution, I can't understand why I can't accept it.
When I was a kid, it was all about the fun and the feast. The last few years I'm starting to recognize the importance of these times of year. As it's becoming more and more rare to have people all gather together, even if it's for a limited time, it makes these times even more special.
I guess one thing that makes me wonder and sad at the same time, is that perhaps eventually this won't exist anymore. Not that the holidays will disappear, it'll just be in a different form. I've never been good at dealing with change, and have a terrible habit of not just resisting, but rebelling against it. While I understand the inevitability of evolution, I can't understand why I can't accept it.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Adulthood, Shmadulthood!
Growing up, as a kid, I thought being an adult was a sign of growth and maturity. Through time, people become better smarter, better behaved, more sophisticated.
Not being a kid anymore (though I see myself as barely an adult, maybe not even), I deal with adults much more often. A surprising realization, is that adults in a lot of ways are no better than kids, if not worse sometimes. Being an adult is only a matter of dealing with more responsibility, and sometimes not even that. But this doesn't necessarily mean a level of maturity has been met.
Perhaps as a child I held adults on this pedastal of perfection that is unachievable. And while I do not expect that now, the lack of effort at times is appalling. As if being a certain age and taking on certain responsibilities somehow make people feel they can abstain from basic good behaviour.
There's a definite divide between "grown-up" and "adult". Pettiness, jealousy, insecurity, meanness and just overall bad behaviour that I have seen from so-called mature people. When I think back to elementary school, lessons teaching the basic levels of moralistic and idealistic behaviour taught somehow are forgotten. The only difference sometimes between the 5 year old and the grown-up, is that the grown-up hides the offenses it much better.
Not being a kid anymore (though I see myself as barely an adult, maybe not even), I deal with adults much more often. A surprising realization, is that adults in a lot of ways are no better than kids, if not worse sometimes. Being an adult is only a matter of dealing with more responsibility, and sometimes not even that. But this doesn't necessarily mean a level of maturity has been met.
Perhaps as a child I held adults on this pedastal of perfection that is unachievable. And while I do not expect that now, the lack of effort at times is appalling. As if being a certain age and taking on certain responsibilities somehow make people feel they can abstain from basic good behaviour.
There's a definite divide between "grown-up" and "adult". Pettiness, jealousy, insecurity, meanness and just overall bad behaviour that I have seen from so-called mature people. When I think back to elementary school, lessons teaching the basic levels of moralistic and idealistic behaviour taught somehow are forgotten. The only difference sometimes between the 5 year old and the grown-up, is that the grown-up hides the offenses it much better.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Running Out of Time
Lately I feel like there's never enough time.
In the span of a week, there's so much that has to get done. Having lived solo for the past 9 months, I've realized how much more there is to do when there's only one of you to do everything. Sure the quantity of things are less (clothing, dishes, etc...) but in the end, they're still there regardless. The cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, groceries, taking out the garbage among all the other little nuisances that add up. Pile that on top of the other necessary tasks, such as work, personal hygiene, paying bills, administrative tasks, plus optional tasks like trying to work out, badminton, reading/learning. Where does that leave room for fun, things like going out with friends/family, keeping up with tv shows and general downtime and relaxing? I find myself struggling just to keep up on regular everyday life.
Then there's the grand scheme of things. At the risk of sounding morbid, lately I've started seeing life not so much counting up, and more counting down. I would think everybody would like to lead a fulfilling, exciting life, full of experiences and adventure. But without even time to get the boring everyday stuff done, it seems even less fathomable to fit in the good stuff! I've heard the argument that you have to "make" time, but time just doesn't come out of nowhere. Don't even get me started on having the money to do all these things! And of course there are the other things, marriage, wife, kids, family, career advancement and skill development, the bigger "responsible" things.
With most people, certain things in life take a back seat. But a select few seem to be able to do it all! It makes me amazed that people somehow are able to get all these things achieved. How exactly is this happening?! If there's some sort of secret, somebody should really write a book, I'd pre-order it right now!
I guess the point of all this is that I've come to realize how valuable time is, and it pains me to only come to this conclusion so late in the game. :(
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| I know exactly how you feel! |
In the span of a week, there's so much that has to get done. Having lived solo for the past 9 months, I've realized how much more there is to do when there's only one of you to do everything. Sure the quantity of things are less (clothing, dishes, etc...) but in the end, they're still there regardless. The cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry, groceries, taking out the garbage among all the other little nuisances that add up. Pile that on top of the other necessary tasks, such as work, personal hygiene, paying bills, administrative tasks, plus optional tasks like trying to work out, badminton, reading/learning. Where does that leave room for fun, things like going out with friends/family, keeping up with tv shows and general downtime and relaxing? I find myself struggling just to keep up on regular everyday life.
Then there's the grand scheme of things. At the risk of sounding morbid, lately I've started seeing life not so much counting up, and more counting down. I would think everybody would like to lead a fulfilling, exciting life, full of experiences and adventure. But without even time to get the boring everyday stuff done, it seems even less fathomable to fit in the good stuff! I've heard the argument that you have to "make" time, but time just doesn't come out of nowhere. Don't even get me started on having the money to do all these things! And of course there are the other things, marriage, wife, kids, family, career advancement and skill development, the bigger "responsible" things.
With most people, certain things in life take a back seat. But a select few seem to be able to do it all! It makes me amazed that people somehow are able to get all these things achieved. How exactly is this happening?! If there's some sort of secret, somebody should really write a book, I'd pre-order it right now!
I guess the point of all this is that I've come to realize how valuable time is, and it pains me to only come to this conclusion so late in the game. :(
Thursday, September 30, 2010
The Soundtrack of My Life - Part 3
IMHO, it's the people's art, social commentary and reflection that is accessible to all. People find refuge and relation in music, and it would influence opinions and attitudes.
If that's the case, I really have to wonder about the music of the day. I don't mean to knock anybody's particular taste in music. It's a personal experience for everybody. But having said that, I find it shocking how much of the music over the last half of my life has been completely empty and devoid of meaning. And this does not appear in one particular area, the popular music of the day spanning across genres all have been equally shallow. From Britney to Diddy to Limp Bizkit to Nickleback to Black Eyed Peas (post Fergie), the list goes on and on.
I find lately music's been filled with the following subjects, either isolated or in combination:
- how much money they've got
- how many girls they can get
- alcohol consumption
- how hard people can party
- how attractive they are
- love songs or songs of heartache that are not genuine at all that has been so methodically put together by some management/marketing force.
Tom Hanks, in an interview, clearly stated with no hesitation that the 1960s were the pinnacle of music. His opinion may be biased as that time is somewhat linked, if not a tad earlier than his coming of age, but I have to agree with him. The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Motown, older Elvis Prestley, Janis Joplin, Mamas and the Papas, Beach Boys, Bob Dylan, and tons of other artists of that era are timeless. Popular music had something to say.
What happened to music that actually meant something and had some meaning? When did lyrics give way to the amount of bass in a song? When did vocal talent give way to auto-tune? What happened to actual ability and talent?
In the end it would appear that video really did kill the radio star.
But I do hope that the internet will kill the video star. If it hasn't happened already...
If that's the case, I really have to wonder about the music of the day. I don't mean to knock anybody's particular taste in music. It's a personal experience for everybody. But having said that, I find it shocking how much of the music over the last half of my life has been completely empty and devoid of meaning. And this does not appear in one particular area, the popular music of the day spanning across genres all have been equally shallow. From Britney to Diddy to Limp Bizkit to Nickleback to Black Eyed Peas (post Fergie), the list goes on and on.
I find lately music's been filled with the following subjects, either isolated or in combination:
- how much money they've got
- how many girls they can get
- alcohol consumption
- how hard people can party
- how attractive they are
- love songs or songs of heartache that are not genuine at all that has been so methodically put together by some management/marketing force.
Tom Hanks, in an interview, clearly stated with no hesitation that the 1960s were the pinnacle of music. His opinion may be biased as that time is somewhat linked, if not a tad earlier than his coming of age, but I have to agree with him. The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Motown, older Elvis Prestley, Janis Joplin, Mamas and the Papas, Beach Boys, Bob Dylan, and tons of other artists of that era are timeless. Popular music had something to say.
What happened to music that actually meant something and had some meaning? When did lyrics give way to the amount of bass in a song? When did vocal talent give way to auto-tune? What happened to actual ability and talent?
In the end it would appear that video really did kill the radio star.
But I do hope that the internet will kill the video star. If it hasn't happened already...
The Soundtrack of My Life - Part 2
It's funny, it's almost as if certain music has attached itself to me, becoming part of the very fiber of who I am. Maybe that's why I'm writing so much on this topic.
The influence of the music the formative years clearly carry on far beyond that period. Now as I enter my 30s, hearing Oasis' Wonderwall in the background at some department store or waiting room, while depressing in some regards as it makes me feel every bit my age, still holds as much meaning if not more to me now than it did 15+ years ago. My musical tastes have expanded, more bands, both younger and older, have made their way into my being, but the music from that time will always be special to me.
I also find I attach certain times or memories with songs. Songs of the summer, songs at prom, break up songs, road trip songs, random good time songs, etc... Even the songs you wish you could forget, somehow lodges itself into your brain, never to be forgotten. For instance, Savage Garden's Truly, Madly, Deeply, will always be the song of my high school prom, no matter how terrible in hindsight they may be. I mean who can turn the words "Chicka Cherry Cola" into some pop culture phenomenon. I will always tear up at Johnny Cash's rendition of Hurt, no matter how many times I hear it. Anything Boyz II Men will clearly be associated with awkward high school dances*.
* Note that due to overexposure, anything Boyz II Men, some Alanis Morrisette and Spice Girls (yes I realize that these two artists are polar opposites), with the addition of Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go on, have earned themselves spots in the permanent collection of completely unlistenable.
The influence of the music the formative years clearly carry on far beyond that period. Now as I enter my 30s, hearing Oasis' Wonderwall in the background at some department store or waiting room, while depressing in some regards as it makes me feel every bit my age, still holds as much meaning if not more to me now than it did 15+ years ago. My musical tastes have expanded, more bands, both younger and older, have made their way into my being, but the music from that time will always be special to me.
I also find I attach certain times or memories with songs. Songs of the summer, songs at prom, break up songs, road trip songs, random good time songs, etc... Even the songs you wish you could forget, somehow lodges itself into your brain, never to be forgotten. For instance, Savage Garden's Truly, Madly, Deeply, will always be the song of my high school prom, no matter how terrible in hindsight they may be. I mean who can turn the words "Chicka Cherry Cola" into some pop culture phenomenon. I will always tear up at Johnny Cash's rendition of Hurt, no matter how many times I hear it. Anything Boyz II Men will clearly be associated with awkward high school dances*.
* Note that due to overexposure, anything Boyz II Men, some Alanis Morrisette and Spice Girls (yes I realize that these two artists are polar opposites), with the addition of Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go on, have earned themselves spots in the permanent collection of completely unlistenable.
The Soundtrack of My Life - Part 1
One of the benefits of meeting new people, is hearing new viewpoints on all sorts of topics.
To my surprise, music does not play a major role in some people's lives. To me, this seems next to impossible! In school, music was almost intrinsic in defining a person's identity.
Socially, in high school and to a lesser extent university, the music you listened to determined who your peers were, and vice versa. From there it influences what people wore, how they spoke, how they carried themselves. You had the wannabe gangstas with the super baggy pants, the ginos with the slicked back hair and the fist pump before it became the fist pump, the indie kids with their acoustic guitars and sheets of tabs laying around, the metal kids with the multiple piercings and so on. This formation of identity plays out long after graduation. Looking at current Facebook photos, as well as posts, of friends from long ago, you can still see how the molding all played out. Maybe there's less piercings, or the hair has less product in it, the clothes are not as flamboyant, but the markers are still there.
How music may not have a major influence on somebody, I have yet to figure out. Even if the interest in the music from an artistic standpoint was only mild, it still played a big role into how people fit into the social construct of school. Having been back in the dating world for a little while, not surprisingly, it's one of the very first topics that come up. To this day, it is still a thread that holds people together and carries, fair or not, certain stereotypes that come along with it.
Because of the above, I will never understand the phrase "I like everything" or "I don't have any preference" when it comes to music. There's just no way...
*** After figuring out I had way more to say about this topic, I decided to break this into two or three separate posts. To be continued...
How music may not have a major influence on somebody, I have yet to figure out. Even if the interest in the music from an artistic standpoint was only mild, it still played a big role into how people fit into the social construct of school. Having been back in the dating world for a little while, not surprisingly, it's one of the very first topics that come up. To this day, it is still a thread that holds people together and carries, fair or not, certain stereotypes that come along with it.
Because of the above, I will never understand the phrase "I like everything" or "I don't have any preference" when it comes to music. There's just no way...
*** After figuring out I had way more to say about this topic, I decided to break this into two or three separate posts. To be continued...
Monday, September 20, 2010
Is tired of living life on the sidelines...
The best quote from the movie The Rock sums it up.
Stanley Goodspeed: I'll do my best.
John Mason: Your "best"! Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.
Stanley Goodspeed: I'll do my best.
John Mason: Your "best"! Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.
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| You tell'em Connery! |
Friday, September 17, 2010
This is a must read!
This is a must read! Using profile statistics, this dating website has compiled information based on race and gender to show a more research based definition of race/gender identity. Let me know what you think!
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-real-stuff-white-people-like/
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-real-stuff-white-people-like/
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Toronto the Bitter...
Having a conversation today with my best friend, we were discussing about the state of Toronto. After returning from vacation, he remarked that going on vacation had renewed his faith that there are nice people after all. I asked him to clarify. He said that in Toronto, there's a lot of negativity around, but on vacation there were actual nice people. I've heard similar sentiments from my ex-gf previously, among others. It's gotten to the point where even I notice it.
When I got out of university, I desperately, like most recent grads, wanted to move into the city. It seemed as if that's where everything was. The bars, clubs, restaurant, people and the energy. I ended up doing the "responsible" thing and stayed with my parents. I was pretty bummed about the situation, until one day I ran into somebody from school a little while (meaning a year or two) after and chatted about it for a bit. He said that living downtown really isn't what it's cracked up to be. Sure everybody lives downtown, but nobody from school would hang out with each other. Everybody was too busy with work, chores, hobbies, basically life. From then on, I didn't feel so bad.
Recently I had the opportunity to move downtown again. And for a second time, I did not take it, this time opting to stay in the suburbs. For some people, this seemed crazy. Why would I want to stay in the boring land of 6 lane roads, cookie cutter houses and bland food options (sorry Jack Astors, as much as I love your garlic bread, that means you).
How exactly did Toronto the Good, or Toronto the Nice become Toronto the Bitter? Has the constant envy of New York City rubbed off? Trying to replicate the New York City roughness charm, but without the charm? There's a constant yuppie culture and hipster culture in the city that screams keeping up with the Joneses. For one group the priority lays in who has the latest purse or phone. The other it's who is buying all their food from The Big Carrot or some other local supermarket that only sells organic, environmentally sustainable, blah, blah, blah. You see it everyday, on the street car, the subway, walking through the concourse.
When I got out of university, I desperately, like most recent grads, wanted to move into the city. It seemed as if that's where everything was. The bars, clubs, restaurant, people and the energy. I ended up doing the "responsible" thing and stayed with my parents. I was pretty bummed about the situation, until one day I ran into somebody from school a little while (meaning a year or two) after and chatted about it for a bit. He said that living downtown really isn't what it's cracked up to be. Sure everybody lives downtown, but nobody from school would hang out with each other. Everybody was too busy with work, chores, hobbies, basically life. From then on, I didn't feel so bad.
Recently I had the opportunity to move downtown again. And for a second time, I did not take it, this time opting to stay in the suburbs. For some people, this seemed crazy. Why would I want to stay in the boring land of 6 lane roads, cookie cutter houses and bland food options (sorry Jack Astors, as much as I love your garlic bread, that means you).
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| Buttery deliciousness! |
While I'm all up for looking good and being healthy, making responsible consumer choices, there must be a line somewhere. Must get tiring after awhile, trying to keep up appearances constantly. And for whom exactly? Are the neighbours in the beaches really going to care if they see you carrying a plastic bag, filled with groceries from No Frills? Are the other corporate drones scoffing at your phone that is two years old? And even if they did, why should you care?
I didn't want to get sucked up in this vortex of city culture. Constantly trying to make enough money, to spend on the latest and greatest that city culture has dictated as the new thing. The only opinion that should matter to me is my own, and to be perfectly honest, I don't have the energy.
"It's not having what you want,
It's wanting what you've got"
- Sheryl Crow
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Decisions, decisions
If you're anything like me, you hate making choices.
Even the smallest choices have me riddled with indecision. At restaurants, I can never make up my mind what to order. My process usually involves narrowing down my options to a select 3-5, then when the waitress gets to me, I just randomly choose one. Sometimes I even go off the board!
I don't know why I stress so much over deciding between options. I guess after learning about the butterfly effect, I can't help but be paralyzed by any choice I have to make.
If it's so difficult to decide between the angel hair pasta and the veal parm, can you imagine what it's like to have to make bigger decisions?!
Even the smallest choices have me riddled with indecision. At restaurants, I can never make up my mind what to order. My process usually involves narrowing down my options to a select 3-5, then when the waitress gets to me, I just randomly choose one. Sometimes I even go off the board!
I don't know why I stress so much over deciding between options. I guess after learning about the butterfly effect, I can't help but be paralyzed by any choice I have to make.
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| Ashton Kuchar's only respectable movie |
If it's so difficult to decide between the angel hair pasta and the veal parm, can you imagine what it's like to have to make bigger decisions?!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Summer, where have you gone?
Recently the weather has been changing dramatically. Just a week ago, you could've sworn I was living in Miami, LA or some other hot place. Then all of a sudden without warning, reality yanks me back to the fact that Toronto is quite a bit north of those destinations. As I look outside, the leaves are changing already on some of the trees.
Though I'm complaining about the weather, there's something reassuring about the changing seasons. There's a rhythm to it, marking the passing of time. I've always wanted to live somewhere that is temperate all year long, but it makes me wonder if people who live in those climates have the same attachment to the weather. Autumn has always marked the start of school, leaves changing, Thanksgiving and Halloween. Winter follows closely by snowball fights, thick sweaters, winter boots and Christmas. Spring gives way to the winter thaw, rain, the return of green and the sun. Summer is holidays, tshirts, sandals and patios.
If we had the same weather year long, I wouldn't have those feelings.
Maybe the Fall isn't that bad after all...
Though I'm complaining about the weather, there's something reassuring about the changing seasons. There's a rhythm to it, marking the passing of time. I've always wanted to live somewhere that is temperate all year long, but it makes me wonder if people who live in those climates have the same attachment to the weather. Autumn has always marked the start of school, leaves changing, Thanksgiving and Halloween. Winter follows closely by snowball fights, thick sweaters, winter boots and Christmas. Spring gives way to the winter thaw, rain, the return of green and the sun. Summer is holidays, tshirts, sandals and patios.
If we had the same weather year long, I wouldn't have those feelings.
Maybe the Fall isn't that bad after all...
Friday, September 10, 2010
The Power of Dr. Dre and Tupac
50 year old white guy, who has somewhat semi-racist leanings, in the office, tapping his feet and hands to Tupac and Dr Dre's California Love...
OMG, I have no words...
OMG, I have no words...
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Now I Know What a Dentist Feels Like
You ever have to do something that you know is going to hurt somebody, but you know it's for the best?
I had to do something today that was, for me anyway, utterly gut wrenching. I'd rather get hurt than hurt somebody else. Even if it's the right thing to do.
Must be what it's like to be a dentist. No wonder they have such a high suicide rate...
I had to do something today that was, for me anyway, utterly gut wrenching. I'd rather get hurt than hurt somebody else. Even if it's the right thing to do.
Must be what it's like to be a dentist. No wonder they have such a high suicide rate...
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Less Facebook, More Face Time
Spending less time online and more time on life. That was one of my New Years Resolutions this past year.
While MSN Messenger and Facebook is great, they are extremely counter-productive. Since the emergence of internet socializing, my social life has grown but shrunk at the same time. Since 1996 to now, while I have been able to maintain occasional relations with people I probably would have lost touch with, I have seen actual people in person a lot less.
This seems like the new norm. As our lives are getting busier, people get pushed aside. Work, chores, significant others, hobbies and other take up more time, the first thing that gets cut is social time. While this is not a new phenomenon, it appears that the ratio has become more disproportionate for our generation. The first thing to get cut, is social time. Internet social networking I feel has only contributed to this development.
I also feel like it's created a diluted pool of friends. It boggles my mind how somebody can have 500+ friends. What qualifies as a friend now? Somebody who is a friend of a friend of a friend that I happen to meet once at a party? What happened to the days of having a close group of actual people that would hang out together, in person? The mega successful show Friends, if pitched now, may not even be relevant to today's social construct. I can't think of anybody who hangs out with the same 6 people, whom have no genetic relation to each other, who hang out or play such huge roles in each others' lives.
And now there's even a movie based on the creation of Facebook! How outrageous is that?! As if to glamourize this creation. Will people go in droves to watch this movie, as if to bow down to the new Big Brother?
While MSN Messenger and Facebook is great, they are extremely counter-productive. Since the emergence of internet socializing, my social life has grown but shrunk at the same time. Since 1996 to now, while I have been able to maintain occasional relations with people I probably would have lost touch with, I have seen actual people in person a lot less.
This seems like the new norm. As our lives are getting busier, people get pushed aside. Work, chores, significant others, hobbies and other take up more time, the first thing that gets cut is social time. While this is not a new phenomenon, it appears that the ratio has become more disproportionate for our generation. The first thing to get cut, is social time. Internet social networking I feel has only contributed to this development.
I also feel like it's created a diluted pool of friends. It boggles my mind how somebody can have 500+ friends. What qualifies as a friend now? Somebody who is a friend of a friend of a friend that I happen to meet once at a party? What happened to the days of having a close group of actual people that would hang out together, in person? The mega successful show Friends, if pitched now, may not even be relevant to today's social construct. I can't think of anybody who hangs out with the same 6 people, whom have no genetic relation to each other, who hang out or play such huge roles in each others' lives.
And now there's even a movie based on the creation of Facebook! How outrageous is that?! As if to glamourize this creation. Will people go in droves to watch this movie, as if to bow down to the new Big Brother?
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Finally saw it...
"If you think about it, your favorite memories, the most important moments in your life... were you alone? Life's better with company."
- Ryan Bingham from Up in the Air
- Ryan Bingham from Up in the Air
Monday, September 6, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Just Do It!
I'd like to think of myself as a fairly laid-back guy. When I was a kid/teen and even sometimes now, I can be a pretty temperamental, fiery guy. It wasn't good at all. Because of this, I suppose I always thought being easy-going was a good thing, it's something I tried to work towards. I still do to a certain extent, but I'm also wondering lately if I have been using it as an excuse all my life.
One thing I am realizing more and more is that life is happening every second of every hour of every day. If this is the case, every moment wasted is an opportunity passed. Life can pass you by so quickly, and it's almost if nothing happened. Being laid-back, I feel like this has been happening to me for a long time now. I know sometimes people wonder why I stayed with my ex for so long, when things were so obviously not working. For those who know me, you can totally admit to this if it's true! Because in hindsight, I wonder the same thing. And it's not as if I haven't had the same feeling about other couples before.
But I do know why I stayed. I had become complacent. Feeling as if life was just happening, it was coming to me and this was just meant to happen. I wasn't always like this, when I was a kid, sure I could throw a huge tantrum, mostly because I didn't get what I wanted. There was something (okay a lot of things) that I wanted that badly to have or happen, that if I didn't get it, I'd be completely out of control. No I do not believe that reaction is very productive, helpful or mature, but at least I was going after something. What happened to that passion? What happened to that determination? What happened to that drive?
Life shouldn't be lived this way. Like a passenger on the subway just waiting for a destination to arrive. Or even worse, standing on the platform and watching the train just pass by over and over again. Get out there and take control of the car and drive it where you want it to go!
Go after what you want in life with every ounce of energy that you have. Because most likely, it's not going to come after you or hit you randomly. And even if it does, you may not value it because you never had to work for it.
Like what Nike has been telling everybody for years, Just Do It! At the time when I was maybe 10, I thought the tagline was just cool, but only now do I begin to realize the true power of the phrase, and why the campaign was so brilliant. You may fail, you may fall, but at least you tried.
One thing I am realizing more and more is that life is happening every second of every hour of every day. If this is the case, every moment wasted is an opportunity passed. Life can pass you by so quickly, and it's almost if nothing happened. Being laid-back, I feel like this has been happening to me for a long time now. I know sometimes people wonder why I stayed with my ex for so long, when things were so obviously not working. For those who know me, you can totally admit to this if it's true! Because in hindsight, I wonder the same thing. And it's not as if I haven't had the same feeling about other couples before.
But I do know why I stayed. I had become complacent. Feeling as if life was just happening, it was coming to me and this was just meant to happen. I wasn't always like this, when I was a kid, sure I could throw a huge tantrum, mostly because I didn't get what I wanted. There was something (okay a lot of things) that I wanted that badly to have or happen, that if I didn't get it, I'd be completely out of control. No I do not believe that reaction is very productive, helpful or mature, but at least I was going after something. What happened to that passion? What happened to that determination? What happened to that drive?
Life shouldn't be lived this way. Like a passenger on the subway just waiting for a destination to arrive. Or even worse, standing on the platform and watching the train just pass by over and over again. Get out there and take control of the car and drive it where you want it to go!
Go after what you want in life with every ounce of energy that you have. Because most likely, it's not going to come after you or hit you randomly. And even if it does, you may not value it because you never had to work for it.
Like what Nike has been telling everybody for years, Just Do It! At the time when I was maybe 10, I thought the tagline was just cool, but only now do I begin to realize the true power of the phrase, and why the campaign was so brilliant. You may fail, you may fall, but at least you tried.
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| Nike, for all your commercial, capitalitic ways, you sure are wise! |
Figuring out what to chase, now that's a subject for a totally different matter! :P
Thursday, September 2, 2010
The only thing that matters...
The only thing that matters in love is courage. Everything that's good about love is borne out of it. The truest revelations of self require it. There is no honesty without it. It takes courage to put the needs of another above your own. You can't tell the most important stories about your past, can't reveal your imperfections, without it. You can't see the flaws in your own expectations of love without being brave enough to admit they are misguided, damaged, even boneheaded, then do the work to adjust them to the love you come to discover. It is courage that allows you to step into the jaws of trust.
Read more: http://www.esquire.com/the-side/feature/women-advice/how-to-win-an-argument-with-a-woman#ixzz0yOKKK95N
Read more: http://www.esquire.com/the-side/feature/women-advice/how-to-win-an-argument-with-a-woman#ixzz0yOKKK95N
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Dating Lessons: Note 1
Note: When lip gloss/chapstick makes a strategic appearance, an expectation has been set.
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| Alert status red! |
Sunday, August 29, 2010
We Can Rebuild Him...
Also before I forget, part of the inspiration for the mantra came from the 70s tv show The $6 Million Dollar Man.
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| Click to view the intro, damn you copyright non-embed! |
I blame costco!
Yeah this is pretty random, but after going to do groceries yesterday, it's amazing how much food one person goes through. Because of this, I have created what seems like a stockpile of my favourite foods to last through to the next century! I mean, what am I going to do with over 10 kg of crunchy peanut butter!
Food that I have mass amounts at the moment include:
_-_(500x500).jpg) |
| My peanut butter of choice! |
- peanut butter (over 12 jars, of close to 25 lbs!)
- apples (at least 24 apples)
- chicken breast (16 chicken breasts)
- blueberries* (if you include frozen, probably 4-5 pints)
- peaches* (10 litre basket)
- chewing gum (20+ packs)
- milk/chocolate milk (almost 8 litres)
- pasta sauce (over 20 litres)
- pasta (close to 20 lbs)
- canned salmon (2kg+)
- diet coke (30+ cans)
- canned salmon (2kg+)
- diet coke (30+ cans)
* seasonal, this trend won't last
Friday, August 27, 2010
Value
"I feel that if you work hard for something, then it's valuable. If you feel you have nothing of value, then you're not working hard enough"
I never really thought about the value of things until the other day when talking to my best friend. I kind of said the above off the top of my head, and I was kind of surprised, it was a pretty heated and instinctual response. For the rest of the day, the notion of value stayed in my mind. What is value exactly? According to dictionary.com, the first meaning of the word value is:
1. relative worth, merit, or importance
Being relative, value is different to everybody, it's a very personal for each individual. Lately, the topic of value has been coming up a lot in different conversations. It seems that at this point in time of life, people are really starting to determine what their real values are. In hindsight, earlier in life, they seemed to be superficial at best. What clothes to wear, what music, who to hang out with. They're more based on things that affect life, things like money, family, career, and so on. It's made me wonder if maybe that's why as we grow older, it seems that people grow apart.
I was always taught that the things that are most valuable, are the things that cannot be bought. They're things that are earned and have little to do with money, tangible objects or material items. To a large extent, the older I get, the more I'm finding this to be true. Relationships, achievement, respect, love and trust, all things that are intangible, and ultimately (at least to me) things that the most valuable.
I never really thought about the value of things until the other day when talking to my best friend. I kind of said the above off the top of my head, and I was kind of surprised, it was a pretty heated and instinctual response. For the rest of the day, the notion of value stayed in my mind. What is value exactly? According to dictionary.com, the first meaning of the word value is:
1. relative worth, merit, or importance
Being relative, value is different to everybody, it's a very personal for each individual. Lately, the topic of value has been coming up a lot in different conversations. It seems that at this point in time of life, people are really starting to determine what their real values are. In hindsight, earlier in life, they seemed to be superficial at best. What clothes to wear, what music, who to hang out with. They're more based on things that affect life, things like money, family, career, and so on. It's made me wonder if maybe that's why as we grow older, it seems that people grow apart.
I was always taught that the things that are most valuable, are the things that cannot be bought. They're things that are earned and have little to do with money, tangible objects or material items. To a large extent, the older I get, the more I'm finding this to be true. Relationships, achievement, respect, love and trust, all things that are intangible, and ultimately (at least to me) things that the most valuable.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
The Bucket List
Seeing as the big three-oh (30th bday) is upon me, my mortality has begun to hit me a bit. Having a birthday later in the year, I get to see how it all hit my friends first. The common theme amongst them all was the bucket list. 30 seems a bit young to have a bucket list, but my friend Neal made a good point. If you write it down, then you're closer committing to it, otherwise it'll never happen.
Is this a commentary on our thought of perhaps time is "running out"? I suppose at best, 1/3 of my life is already over, and the last third is pretty limiting! When you put it in those terms, I better make the best of the next 1/3.
Okay, if I'm making a bucket list, I want it to be real and meaningful, not full of garbage. For instance on one person's list was to shoot a machine gun. I really don't think that's a fulfilling goal for anybody.
Is this a commentary on our thought of perhaps time is "running out"? I suppose at best, 1/3 of my life is already over, and the last third is pretty limiting! When you put it in those terms, I better make the best of the next 1/3.
Okay, if I'm making a bucket list, I want it to be real and meaningful, not full of garbage. For instance on one person's list was to shoot a machine gun. I really don't think that's a fulfilling goal for anybody.
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| Say hello to my little friend...not so much |
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Who am I?
There's nothing like going through a difficult period to see what you're made of.
I've come to realize a few things over the last while, a few include:
- When I'm sick, I'm the biggest suck out there!
- I can still drink like a university frat boy under the right circumstances.
- I have the superhuman ability to cause a mess just by walking into a room.
- What it feels like to sob randomly.
- There's no such thing as rock bottom.
- Nobody writes recipes when cooking for one.
Despite all these realizations, the most important things I've learned are:
- When you're down and out, the most important people are the ones will pick you up.
- You're never too old to start over again.
- I'll be okay.
I've come to realize a few things over the last while, a few include:
- When I'm sick, I'm the biggest suck out there!
- I can still drink like a university frat boy under the right circumstances.
- I have the superhuman ability to cause a mess just by walking into a room.
- What it feels like to sob randomly.
- There's no such thing as rock bottom.
- Nobody writes recipes when cooking for one.
Despite all these realizations, the most important things I've learned are:
- When you're down and out, the most important people are the ones will pick you up.
- You're never too old to start over again.
- I'll be okay.
As I lay awake...
There's nothing worse than being sleepy, then getting ready for bed, only afterwards to be wide awake. :S
Sunday, August 22, 2010
A brief history...
About a year ago, it seemed like in my life the shit hit the fan. I was at a point in my life where I thought there was a defined path. Then in a matter of mere days it all changed. When my long term girlfriend at the time and I broke up, my life was thrown into chaos. All of a sudden my life seemed like it was in limbo all of a sudden. I guess the most apt way to describe it, would be like falling into an abyss.
It took weeks just to scrape up the pieces of the emotional wreck I had become into a somewhat functioning human again. Over the next few months, things got better in a two steps forwards, one step back pattern. The inevitable benchmarks would pass by, serving as an occasional reminder of what had transpired. Birthdays, holidays and of course the dreaded would've been anniversary.
Why blog about it now and not at the time? Because I've finally gotten to a place where I can write about it without falling apart. I can attempt to look at things from hopefully a more objective eye. Also this is not only a place to reflect and analyze the past, but also to write about my life in the present as it is a work in progress.
So why Faster, Stronger, Smarter? After some self reflection, I felt like it was time to work on myself. Being on a defined path, you get stuck in a rut. I realized that I had become complacent. I wanted to grow and improve, in all areas in my life, and especially in the ones that had been neglected for so long. Just to become better, out of that grew what has become my mantra, Faster, Stronger, Smarter.
This blog is part of that process. Glad you're along for the ride!
It took weeks just to scrape up the pieces of the emotional wreck I had become into a somewhat functioning human again. Over the next few months, things got better in a two steps forwards, one step back pattern. The inevitable benchmarks would pass by, serving as an occasional reminder of what had transpired. Birthdays, holidays and of course the dreaded would've been anniversary.
Why blog about it now and not at the time? Because I've finally gotten to a place where I can write about it without falling apart. I can attempt to look at things from hopefully a more objective eye. Also this is not only a place to reflect and analyze the past, but also to write about my life in the present as it is a work in progress.
So why Faster, Stronger, Smarter? After some self reflection, I felt like it was time to work on myself. Being on a defined path, you get stuck in a rut. I realized that I had become complacent. I wanted to grow and improve, in all areas in my life, and especially in the ones that had been neglected for so long. Just to become better, out of that grew what has become my mantra, Faster, Stronger, Smarter.
This blog is part of that process. Glad you're along for the ride!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
So why a blog?
Well two reasons, okay probably more than two, but two main ones.
The first reason is for myself (aren't they always?) to have an outlet for my thoughts and observations. The last year has been a time of upheaval and self reflection, which I'm sure will be addressed in later posts more in depth. At first I thought about a journal, but what good are ideas if they aren't shared.
The second reason is honestly to have somewhere to post anonymously. On the mighty facebook, everybody knows you! Sure there may be some of you who read this who know me personally (and I've probably shared these thoughts with you pre blog posting), but perhaps one day there will be people who don't!
Anyway, so that's that.
The first reason is for myself (aren't they always?) to have an outlet for my thoughts and observations. The last year has been a time of upheaval and self reflection, which I'm sure will be addressed in later posts more in depth. At first I thought about a journal, but what good are ideas if they aren't shared.
The second reason is honestly to have somewhere to post anonymously. On the mighty facebook, everybody knows you! Sure there may be some of you who read this who know me personally (and I've probably shared these thoughts with you pre blog posting), but perhaps one day there will be people who don't!
Anyway, so that's that.
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