Year in Review

I was watching television the other day and noticed all the Christmas and Year in Review specials. I went back to my New Years Resolution post from last year and took a look at it. 3 out of 6 isn't bad, but it could certainly be a lot better.

While I should go back an revisit the 3 that I did not accomplish, I have just one resolution this year that encompasses everything really. It came about in a conversation I had with a group of friends yesterday, and really it's just one line that succinctly covers probably my biggest problem.

1) Grow a pair.

I noticed from reading my posts and comments from others in general, that there's an overarching theme in my life. It's that I don't have the gumption to really go after what I want. Partly out of fear of failure/rejection, partly out of laziness, amongst many other reasons. And it's not that I don't want these things in my life. Canadian culture in general is one of complacency and overly political correctness. We have a problem stepping on toes and afraid of our own shadows. Add that to the conservative asian background and an upbringing of a long line of worriers and overly cautious people, and voila, you end up with me.

So I thought this line summed it up pretty well.

So it's about time to man up!

Medic!

So I went for a physical this past week. I haven't been in over four years. My doctor made sure to point that out to me numerous times. :P

Something he said though kinda made me a bit depressed. So he said that I'm no longer a young man. I joked that since the last time I saw him, I guess it's been all downhill. He half jokingly, but definitely half seriously, responded that it's been all downhill after 20 years old. Oh man, it's been 10+ years of downhill already!

I guess he does have a point, there is a noticeable difference between 20, 25 and 30, from a physical well being standpoint. But to think it only gets worse made me a combination of scared and sad. I was getting questions that I had not gotten before. Words like "chronic" and "nagging" were prevalent. To top it off, I now have to get a bunch of tests that I was never tested for.

All of a sudden, I felt really old. Perhaps it's made me realize my age as well.

I don't know how else to phrase it, but it was a sad, sad day. :\

There's Such a Thing as Too Nice

I meet up with my best friend for dinner the yesterday and we had an interesting conversation. We're talking about people who we know that are single. From there, I made a comment that went along the lines of "there are some people, you can tell why they're single" to which my friend agreed.

Now I've been single for quite awhile, so I asked point blank "so you must think I'm one of those people". Without thinking about it, he was like "yup". I was pretty surprised, I mean I guess I can't be shocked, because if I wasn't, I would be with somebody. Makes sense. So I ask him why he thinks that is. He was pretty hesitant to share with me the reasons, but I assured him that I would be fine.

First thing he said was that I'm too nice. I'm sitting listening to this thinking "is there such a thing?". He said that I'm too one dimensional in this sense, that he could see how I don't offer girls a certain level of excitement. I'm that guy that all girls are friends with, who are the shoulders to cry on, but never the guy to date. While this isn't news to me, I was pretty taken aback.

He says on a positive note, I have no problem talking to girls, but that I don't usually come across as anything more than a good conversation. I get set aside into that friend zone pretty quickly. Apparently I need to be more aggressive, that every girl likes their guys to be kind of jerks. I guess what this translates to is more that guys who know what they want and stand up for it. Nice guys are way too accommodating according to him, hence they make good friends.

Secondly, he said that I over analyze opportunities, whereas I should just not think about it and go for it. If things end poorly, then just chalk it up to experience. This part I knew already for sure, I think I've heard this from everybody.

I don't really have a problem with the second one, but the first one has me a bit baffled. I mean I understand what he's saying and where he's coming from. But I'm not really sure how to change something like that.

Life is a Competition

I've always believed in the mentality that life is only a race against yourself. Comparing yourself to other people is a lost cause and that happiness can only truly be generated from within. Recently, I've been finding myself questioning this mentality.

In the social arena, it has become quite apparently to me that it's very "dog eat dog". There would be an attractive girl, and all the dudes would swarm this one girl. I would see this phenomenon, and admittedly sometimes part of it, and just think "wow, what a bunch of douchebags". The girl seems so helplessly bombarded by attention that she may not want, completely unsolicited. Most of the time, I try to just stay away from that situation, because frankly, it just reeks of pathetic-ness.

There's this girl that I kinda like, she's awesome and everything, but the situation is, so does every other guy. This "friend" of mine is currently pressing pretty hard of late. What pisses me off is that he claims that friends do not step on other guys territory, but he flirts with quite a number of girls. It's like he's fucking laying claim to any girl who's available. WTF is that!

Lately, this friend has been getting on my nerves, the pushiness and arrogance that other people see, I am only beginning to see. One of ,what use to be his close friends, I cannot stand. I would rarely say I hate somebody, but I literally hate the guy. So if the phrase "birds of the same feather, flock together" holds true, then I can't be completely surprised.

At first I was a bit conflicted, do I lose my "friend" by asking this girl out, or do I just let him do whatever it is he's going to do? I talked it over with my mom and her response is "what is this? high school?" finding the whole situation juvenile. I have to admit, once I thought about it, yet it is pretty juvenile, but it's the situation at hand. She followed it up with "a girl, if single, is nobody's territory, if you like her, ask her out, don't worry about what the other guys think". It's funny coming from my mom, considering she's usually all about the whole everybody should get along.

I suppose that's been a fault of mine over the years, is in opportune moments, not being selfish enough. She would say that I am too concerned if people will be upset with me. I've always felt things would work out as they should, just by being patient. But I guess what I'm realizing out of this situation is, that even socially, things do not come to you, you have to work for what you want. The right girl isn't just going to sit there and be there waiting. You have to go after what you want and forget rules of engagement or what other people think. Makes sense really, everything else in the world works that way, why wouldn't this? If you really want something, would you just let somebody take it away from you? Or would you fight for it?

Lot in Life

Growing up, adults will usually tell kids something along the lines that you can be anything you want. But as I'm getting older, I'm finding that while that may be true, it seems that odds do tilt a particular way. I've come across two particular cases lately.

First one is this guy from volleyball a couple months ago. I've only met him a couple of times, but have become relatively good friends with a friend of his. He grew up in a fairly ghetto area of the city. From what I've heard, he's had a tough upbringing. So what's happened to him? He got his girlfriend knocked up, who happens to be crazy emotional. He works at a call centre in technical customer service, the girlfriend is a stay at home mom. From the sounds of it, she's not particularly qualified to do anything anyway. The couple had their daughter, who is now about two years old and they're barely scraping by.

Case two is of this girl I went to university with. You could say she came from and upper class upbringing, growing up in a richer area of the city, going to one of the, if not most highly touted public school in the GTA. She just got married, saw the photos on facebook. Had quite the glamourous wedding, I think she married a lawyer or a business person of some sort.

Now I have not mentioned anything about either person's personality above, as to keep this as unbiased as possible, and only measurable facts.

Sure you can beat the statistics, but I can't somehow shake the feeling that most of the time, people are put on a particular path pretty early that is really tough to shake.

Update to Things That Bother Me #4

In reference to my last post, #4 was about jaywalking.

Just yesterday I was meeting a friend who arrived over an hour late. He takes the TTC everywhere, so I grant him some leeway, but an hour is obscene. So I asked what happened, he said there was a delay. Apparently a jaywalker got hit on Eglinton. He said they must've flown 10 feet after impact. The driver had said the person came out of nowhere, the jaywalker crossed in front of a stopped bus to cross traffic, therefore the cars coming from behind the bus could not see the person.

As bad as I feel for the lady who got hit, you can't honestly blame the driver in that situation. Jaywalkers, you are forewarned...

Things That Are Bothering Me Lately...

1) Dating Profiles with Nothing on Them
So after a 6 month hiatus from the whole internet dating scene, after a couple of drinks and very little for dinner, I figured why not. One of the things I completely forgot about it was there are quite a number of profiles out there that have little to no interesting information. I mean isn't the whole point of it to put yourself out there?

2) British People and Their Dogs
From my rather extensive exposure to the British, what I don't understand is their rather icy relationship with their family and at times friends, yet they are completely infatuated with their dogs. What is up with that? Just a hypothesis, but culturally, are they as a people so difficult to get along with, being both emotionally cold and hot tempered at the same time, that the only their dogs will put up with them unconditionally? Yes this is racist to an extent, but I've just noticed it as a trend over the many British people that have been extensively involved in my life and cannot help but notice.

3) "Canadian" Accent
So I've deduced that there is indeed a "Toronto/GTA" accent and a "Canadian" Accent. From this observation, I can only say that any sort of derogatory hoser reference that Canadian's get labelled with, is justified. Words such as "toyght" instead of "tight" and "narsty" instead of "nasty", I'm sorry rural Canadians, you sound folksy. Almost Sarah Palin-ish.

4) Pedestrians Who Can't Jaywalk, but Still Do
Okay, if you're going to jaywalk, you are breaking your right of way. So if you get hit, it's really your fault. If you are going to jaywalk across 6 lanes of traffic, you better know what you're doing. Be considerate of drivers, because yeah human nature will not let us run you over knowingly, but that doesn't mean at the moment we won't want to. Not to say that it will be me, but one day you could get hit by somebody.

5) Sensitive Trash Talkers
If you're going to dish it out, you should be able to take it. Don't sulk, suck it up princess!

30+1

So it's my birthday (hooray?).What better time to get nostalgic, other than Christmas I suppose. I've been having the strangest dreams the last few days in a row (nothing kinky for those whose minds have wandered into the gutter), mainly involving one ex-girlfriend or another. I'm beginning to wonder if it means anything. I have to admit, I do think about my ex-girlfriend a fair amount. It's been over 2 years now, and she still comes to mind on a semi-regular basis. I have to admit, this can be extremely annoying.

Last night I had a twilight zone moment, I woke up around 2am from a dream I was having about my ex. Not able to fall asleep right away I went on the computer, and what awaits me on facebook? A bday msg from her. The writing style of it would suggest that she's treating it as a mere formality now. I hadn't heard from her since January, but this msg wasn't entirely unexpected. But the timing of it was weird, but I was way too tired to think about it too deeply.

Don't get me wrong, I still think we're better off apart, but part of me wonders if she thinks about me too. She's been with somebody else for well over a year now, so I imagine not. I know when I was dating, who I will just call "the crazy bitch", I very rarely if ever thought about my ex. Is there just a void that's there that my mind has to fill?

Priorities, Priorities...

I was having a conversation the other day about decorating my condo. I'll have been living there for 2 years coming up this January. It's pretty close to the same state that it was in when I moved in, except a lot messier, but that's another story. I'm getting tired of it being so bare, but at the same time I don't want to just fill it with non-essential stuff. As a single guy, you really don't need a lot. But I have to admit, it's home, but it doesn't feel homey, just a place to keep my stuff.

To me, more stuff that I have, just means more to maintain. Anything new I get is purely for secondary storage or decorative purposes only. On essence, stuff that's nice to look at, that takes up space that I'll have to clean or keep organized.

My friend was saying that for him, it's super important that his place has lots of nice things. He's all about the status, so material wealth means a great deal to him. I think I've stated this in my blog previously, but everybody has their things that will make them happy.

Okay, so I guess here's the point of this post. Sure I'd love to have a place filled with nice things, but I honestly would rather have the funds for an emergency or if I'm going to spend it on myself, then a great vacation. As time is going on, I'm finding that I have to pick and choose the things that I include in my life. This is usually due to lack of two things, either time or money. This really is becoming a more difficult thing as time goes on.

I guess that's the case with everybody, and it's our choices that define who we are.

Moves Like Jagger - Maroon 5 featuring Christina Aguilera

I think I'll pull a Katherine and post a song. Maroon 5, why must your duets be so catchy.

No Regrets?

I notice a lot of people say they want to live life with no regrets. While I think it is a noble cause, it's also nearly impossible. I don't really want to look back at the decisions in my life and feel like I should've done something differently. Hindsight is always 50/50 though.

I look at some of the "adults" of the older generation and seem to notice a particular amount of regret in most. I wonder if their approach to life is different than my generation? Or whether this goal of no regrets is completely impossible. Some regrets are obviously bigger than others. I'm not going to lose sleep over choosing the stir-fry over the eggs benedict (though damn you Pickel Barrel, damn you!).

I think it's in people's nature to wonder about the road not taken. While in that regards, when I hear the phrase "What's the worst that can happen?" I always think "A ton of things!". Which I guess is true, but I guess the better questions is "What's the probability a bad thing is will happen?" followed shortly by "Is it that bad?". If the answers are 50/50 and not that bad, I guess you may as well take a shot. People generally regret the things they didn't do, and not the things they did do. BUT when people regret things, it's usually pretty huge. If we're using logic, probability really is on your side and should really just go for it.

Easier said than done unfortunately. :(

The Incredibly Long Song Survey (Thanks Kim/Dee)

Day 01 - Your favourite song 

- Fix You by Coldplay

Everybody has different criteria for judging a song. For me, first it needs to sound good. That'll get you something that you can listen to (anything with good production value can fall into here). Second you need good writing, that'll keep the song with you longer than then a 4 week run with the flavour of the day (ie, By the Way by RHCP). If you have those two things, you have a pretty good song. But to get a great song, it needs to be relatable, I have to feel some sort of emotional connection to the content of the lyrics (ie, Wonderwall by Oasis). Favourite song? It's got to hit you like an emotional sledgehammer to the face! But it also has to be complex and layered conceptually. For me it became a toss up between the haunting sadness to positive uprising of Fix You by Coldplay and rawness and simplicity of Hurt by Johnny Cash. 

Fix You won barely by a hair. When I first heard the song, not even half way through the song, I was blown away. You start with the haunting church organ solo, layered with lyrics about failure, sadness, isolation and despair. Break into the delicate piano solo work with lyrics about recovery and retrospect. This is followed by building uprising guitar solo, the climax crashing into play with huge drums and the return of both the piano and organ of previous. 

Day 02 - Your least favourite song

- Waving Flag by K'Naan

To me, this song is the most overplayed song of recent. Also at what point did we celebrate the crappiest grammar ever?

Day 03 - A song that makes you happy

- Stay (Wasting Time) by Dave Matthews Band

It's just a song about chilling and having a good time. And it's peppy. And it's got acoustic guitar. And it's got sax And it's got gospel background vocals. Now that's a feel good song.

Day 04 - A song that makes you sad 

- Hurt by Johnny Cash

This song is almost my favourite song, it's so incredibly raw and powerful. It's simple and minimalistic, got an acoustic guitar and Johnny Cash, that's all you really need. The words of retrospect and regret are poetic, but to the point. It goes right after you and just grabs you by the heart. "I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel, I focus on the pain, the only that's real." I mean c'mon, how much more gut wrenching do you want. The song is incredibly sad on it's own. But the music video is so much sadder. And if you know about Johnny Cash, it's even more so.

Day 05 - A song that reminds you of someone - Fix You by Coldplay

Day 06 - A song that reminds of you of somewhere 

- Who Let the Dogs Out by Baha Men

Every time we go on vacation in the Caribbean, this seems to play at least once.

Day 07 - A song that reminds you of a certain event 

- Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden

This was the big slow song when we had prom. When I hear it, it's like I'm 18, wearing a suit and slow dancing with Gloria from art class all over again.

Day 08 - A song that you know all the words to 

- N/A

I seriously don't know ALL the words to any song. I have a pretty bad memory when it comes to songs. There are a few songs where I know most of the words, but not all. 

Day 09 - A song that you can dance to 

- Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough by Michael Jackson

There are certainly newer songs that are danceable, but this one for me is the classic. Whenever I hear it, it makes me want to dance, although it is a very sad sight to see. :P 

Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep

- Red Dust by Zero 7

It's just super chill, if you haven't, listen to Zero 7's album Simple Things. Even if you don't like acid jazz or what I'd rather call mellow techno (St Germain, Theivery Corp, etc...), it's AWESOME. It's great for a road trip, it's great for a dinner party, it's great to fall asleep to, it's that good.

Day 11 - A song from your favourite band

- Grey Street by Dave Matthews Band

Favourite band was a tough one. I know most of Coldplay's collection and the first three Oasis albums will always be classic, but I went with Dave Matthews Band. Now it's coming down to the favourite "band", not to be confused with the "music". Chris Martin's "half diva/half grouchy genius recluse" act has worn on me and their OxFam stuff, while I hope it does some good, they're becoming too much like Bono/U2. And not in a good way, for anybody who knows my thoughts on Bono (if you don't, I think he's an egomaniacal douchebag, wrapped in some philanthropy). Oasis' infighting has always caused turmoil. Liam is a big jerk, plain and simple. He's a hooligan who's lucky that he's got some musical talent, and an even more talented songwriting brother, Noel.

That leaves us with Dave Matthews Band. They got together with an appreciation for each others' musical talents in Virginia, playing in local bars. They float their live concert recordings on the internet for free. They're a mix of rock, country, folk and jazz. Nobody sounds like them, literally nobody. Their musicianship and arrangements at their live shows are complicated and always on point. Their concerts are huge parties, people dancing all through the aisles. They're all about the music, you just don't find that anymore. A cult following built from the grassroots. No marketing push, no flashy music videos, no crazy dance numbers, no fluff. Because of that, they're my favourite band.  

Day 12 - A song from a band you hate 

- Don't 'Cha by Pussycat Dolls

They're not even a real singing group. Nicole is the only one that sings! The rest are juts glorified back up dancers! Are they even a real group or something manufactured by a marketing machine. I'm guessing it's the latter. They have no aspects of burlesque, from the original Vegas show.

Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure 

- Bad Romance by Lady Gaga

Okay so I know people out there have mad Lady Gaga love, I'm not really one of them. She's crazy creative, to the point of way out there (yes, I mean you dress made out of raw meat). But her songs are incredibly catchy, but Bad Romance is more than that, it actually has some pretty good lyrics.

Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love

- Viva Forever by Spice Girls

That's right, Spice Girls! As shallow as their song writing was at first, I found their later stuff got much better, not that they wrote any of it themselves most likely. And unlike Britney Spears, they can pull off some sincerity.

Day 15 - A song that describes you

- Fire by Franz Ferdinand

From what I hear, I'm a pretty super intense guy, a person of extremes. If I get angry, it's super angry. If I'm into a hobby, I get obsessed. My ex gf thought this song was perfect for me, and I guess she's as good a source as anybody could be.

Day 16 - A song that you used to love but now hate

- Waiting for Tonight by J-Lo

At first, I thought insanely catchy and danceble. Now I think no vocal range and sparse lyrics. J-Lo, I think you're a charismatic performer, but purely as a singer, you suck.

Day 17 - A song that you hear often on the radio 

- Rolling in the Deep by Adele

Though I'm sure this will change soon, it's what's hot right now. It helps that the song is AMAZING, so I'm just enjoying it until it becomes overplayed.

Day 18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio 

- Carolina by Matt Wertz

Really any song by Matt Wertz. I've never heard him on the radio, but his live cd is one of my favourite albums of all time. I'd describe him as a west coast, goofier version of John Mayer. I kind of feel like he could develop a following if he'd just get a chance.

Day 19 - A song from your favourite album

- Clocks by Coldplay

It's not my favourite song off of Rush of Blood to the Head, but it's the most catchy, and arguably the most recognizable. I have yet to find another album, where songs 1-5 are awesome, right off the bat. I usually skip Daylight and A Whisper. Green Eyes has grown on me over time. But all the rest of the songs, in my mind, are downright amazing. 

Day 20 - A song that you listen to when you're angry 

- Fire by Franz Ferdinand

It's pretty intense, I guess I've heard that I'm that way. And when an ex-girlfriend thinks it's a perfect theme song for you, I guess it's coming from a pretty good source.

Day 21 - A song that you listen to when you're happy 

- Panther Dash by Go!Team

Actually it's more like their entire album Thunder!Lightning!Strike! it's hard to define, I guess it's like bobbity, funky, high school marching band, electronic, with a sprinkle of hip hop. And it's super contagious, at least for me it is. 

Day 22 - A song that you listen to when you're sad 

- Stop Crying Your Heart Out by Oasis

I look at this song as the things will get better song. It's sad, but it has an uplifting message, I think it's the perfect song for when you're sad about something it's exactly what you need to hear. 

Day 23 - A song that you want to play at your wedding

- Flowers in the Window by Travis

It talks (to me anyway) about a guy whose life is kinda blah, until he meets this woman. Then the song is kind of a lyrical journey of their relationship. It goes "Wow look at us now, Flowers in the window,

It's such a lovely day, And I'm glad you feel the same, Cause to stand up, out in the crowd, You are one in a million, And I love you so, Lets watch the flowers grow". That sounds about right to me how it should be.

Day 24 - A song that you want to play at your funeral 

- Don't Look Back in Anger by Oasis

I just think it's a good way to look at life in general. Think it's a good send off message, and hope that I feel that way when the end comes.

Day 25 - A song that makes you laugh

- Fuck You by Cee-Lo

The song is catchy, the vocals are great. But the lyrics are the thing that really shine. The story and the wording used is just perfect. It's self deprecating, rebellious, but most of all, they're funny.

Day 26 - A song that you can play on an instrument 

- N/A

I can't play anything! Boooooooo! I wish I could play guitar though.

Day 27 - A song that you wish you could play

- Wonderwall by Oasis

My favourite song by one of my favourite bands. I have no idea what a Wonderwall is, but that guitar hook right at the beginning is so catchy and recognizable. After about 3-5 cords, you instantly know what's coming soon. "Today's gonna be the day..."

Day 28 - A song that makes you feel guilty

- The Other Man by Sloan

Unfortunately, yeah I've been that guy. Not exactly, but fairly close. This song just about sums up all the feelings that come with it.

Day 29 - A song from your childhood 

- Billie Jean by Michael Jackson

Despite his later accusations of child molestation, he was it when it came to music growing up. The music video with the glowing street tiles was so cool. Then there was the fedora throw, the sparkle glove and of course the moonwalk.

Day 30 - Your favourite song at this time last year 

- How You Like Me Now? by The Heavy

I found out about the song on Esquire's list of songs from the SXSW festival last year. Before you know it, their song is on a commercial for Buick, the US Open tennis tournament and the opening song for the Oscar nominated movie The Fighter. 

Day 31 - Favourite new song 

- Smash It by Martin Solveig

I'm going through a techno period right now. I loved his big single Hello with Dragonette earlier this year, but this song is so much better.

Day 32 - Favourite old song 

- Hey Jude by The Beatles

I'm more of a late era Beatles fan, their work is much more complex, particularly in concept and lyrical content. I think Hey Jude shows their range (in all ways) off very well, delicate and solemn at the beginning, to a rollicking, shout out loud ending.

Day 33 - Favourite music video

- Virtual Insanity by Jamiroquai

Just one man dancing in this futuristic, minimalistic room singing. And the ENTIRE room moves around with him! Also the lyrics and his Steve Wonder-like voice are really good too.

Day 34 - A song you like to sing

Day 35 - Song you hate by a band you love

- Swallowed by the Sea by Coldplay

It's slow, it's boring and I have no idea what this song is about. On my iTunes, it's the only song by them that I have skipped EVERYTIME. I literally have not listened to it once. I think this is one of Chris Martin's attempts to come off being clever, but it's a complete dud. Stop pulling these Bono-ish moves! At least it's not Discotheque...

Day 36 - Favourite song for lyrics

Day 37 - Favourite song to hear live

Day 38 - Favourite cover song

- God Put a Smile on Your Face by Mark Ronson

This British DJ takes out all the vocals, and arranges the entire instrumental with a brass section. Speed up the tempo and re-styled into an improve upbeat jazz party, it's good stuff!

Day 39 - Favourite song by a band you hate

* This list has been a work in progress since June/July 2011, some things may not be accurate anymore. For instance, Adele is not played on the radio nearly as much now. I'd probably replace it with Foster the People

You Never Know Where the Day/Night Will Take You

So far I'm about 2/3 of the way through the long weekend of what you could call the unofficial end of summer. I have to say the first 1/3 was EPIC. I don't like using that word because it's so trendy, overhyped and exaggeratory, but it seriously was. After beach volleyball yesterday, the plan was pretty much to come home.

It started raining slightly around 4 in the afternoon and people wanted to pack up. My thought was, what a bunch of wimps! So we packed up the nets and then it stopped raining! I was like WTF! Then one of the girls in the group said she has a bbq to go to. We were all like okay, then she invited all 5 of us to come along! I was a little apprehensive, as I don't really know people from volleyball that well. I see them maybe twice a week for the last month or two. Plus we're all sweaty and sandy and stuff, and just all crashed this strangers place, it seemed awkward. Though it did help that one guy in the group had a photo of her, and she was gorgeous! I was getting pumped for the idea, but wasn't sure a stranger would just let a bunch of people come by in 15 minutes. Surprisingly, she was super inviting and said all of us could come over!

So we piled up into two cars then made a beeline to No Frills and LCBO. At No Frills we were wandering around with the idea of just picking up burgers and chips, and I'm like, "why don't we make stuff?". So we bought ground beef and a ton of veggies, I decided I would make salsa and guacamole, it's fast, easy, healthy and fresh. Also got ingredients to make a tex-mex burger. One person gathered ingredients to make a Greek salad and before you know it, it was on! $150 later, we had a pile of food and alcohol and took off to this girl's place. We get there, and she was so awesome and friendly, and she was baking chocolate chip cookies, awesome! We got right to the kitchen, got some drinks and went away to work. Then while we were there, her roommates started coming home. Two young French (Parisian, not Quebecois) couples came home (the girls, again super hot), then saw a whole kitchen full of strangers cooking. So what do they do? They start baking a chocolate cake!

An hour or two later, we have this gigantic spread and about 20 people just chilling, having a good time. I stopped drinking and people are like, why aren't you drinking? I said I had to drive and give people rides home. They're like, you're not driving home, you guys are crashing here, then put a beer in my hand. OMG, only getting better! The drinking games start and we all get to know each other better, but of course the questions are all sexual in nature. Funny how much you learn about people in an hour of Q&A. By this time it's around 2 in the morning, what do we do? Start breaking out some tunes for karaoke party! Then another roommate comes home who is a bartender, and she's gorgeous too! And she's got this amazing Irish accent. After a long day of work, what does she do? All of a sudden I hear "Who wants margaritas?!" By this time it must be round 4 or 5 of drinking. The margaritas were refreshing. So we are singing classic songs, and the bartender, we said she can join us only if she sings. She says she can sing a bit. Then she starts belting out U2 all of a sudden, super powerful pitch perfect voice! WTF!!! Apparently she was a classically trained opera singer, and was a finalist in the European Union's version of American Idol. OMG!!! We had quite a few sing-a-longs, and it died down for a bit.

It's about 3:30 in the morning now. We check the weather for volleyball the next day, it's suppose to rain at 10. What should we do? How about lets go to the beach at 6 in the morning?!?! Sure! What do we do until then? The host sits at the piano, and starts play Les Miserables! And the bartender pulls up beside her and starts singing the songs!!!

After an hour of another amazing performances, the night winds down to the special bonding moments. We've drank ALL the liquor available in the house and pretty loose. We start talking about life, relationships, all the big stuff. Awwwwwwwwwww...

It's 5:30 in the morning, and it's close to volleyball time, but people are getting tired. Time for some coffee and then a nap. Little do we know, a little bit later, one of the girls from volleyball leaves the house and just takes off! WTF?!?!?! We find out from the host, that this isn't the first time she's done this. People have had no sleep and a couple of her friends start freaking out.

6 in the morning we pile up in my car and drive around the neighbourhood looking for this girl. This night took a huge downward swing all of a sudden. After an hour of driving home, we give up and come back. Some people just end up passing out. The host and I are too mentally wired to go to sleep, so we clean the entire first floor. After working off the tension, but still worried. we both go for a nap at around 8:30 am.

11:30 hits and somebody has finally received a phone call about the girl who took off! Where did she go? She went home because of her contact lenses!!! WTF?!?!?! And she didn't understand why we were worried at all! No apology, nothing! We were all pretty grumpy about that. Then guess what, she wants to play volleyball! None of us were in the mood to talk to her let alone play volleyball. She had gone home, had her 5 hours of sleep, while the rest of us were running around frantic getting 2-3 hours of barely restful naps.

I'm like "I'm hungry, screw this", So I get some of the left over ingredients from the night before and made everybody grilled cheese sandwiches and omelettes. Somebody else was the barista making coffees for all. This guy was our DJ for the morning and busts out what of all things? Shakira. Oh man, he didn't read the crowd right at all. :P People were getting agitated, he quickly switched to Thievery Corporation and all was right. We all sat and ate breakfast together, and while the last few hours were stressful, we had all bonded. People who I had just met 18 hours before, others who I've spent maybe two or three saturdays with, all of a sudden we had all these shared memories and inside jokes.

Finally made it back to my place, the next day around 3 in the afternoon. Half of my long weekend gone, with half to go. I had never expected it to be as eventful as it was, let alone for it to take all the twists and turns that it did. In the end, it was the most awesome time I've had in a really long time.

I'll remember the following:
"Exploding Elbow Bumps", "The Dream", "The Eiffel Tower", High five poses, Chocolate Chip Cookies, Vodka with Water and Lemon, Margaritas, "Yeah Buddy!", "Single is awesome", "Pictures are awesome", amongst many other things

Okay time to catch up on some sleep.

The Meaning of Life (Maybe)

*** This post is actually from June that I never got around to posting

Never really thought I'd be thinking of this concept until I was "older". But I've been thinking about it lately, does that mean I'm "older" now?

Anyway, here's how the thought process has gone so far. At first I was thinking, what is it exactly I want to accomplish. It's a pretty broad question, there are so many areas in life, so the list could be fairly large. From there I guess I broke down life into blocks, very much in the "Up in the Air" manner. You have social (family/friends), pursuits (work/interests), material (stuff you want to obtain) and oneself (personal growth). I kinda of skimmed through this fairly casually, but I'm meaning to actually write a list down in more detail. Though another thought kind of stopped me from doing so earlier.

This thought was, what is it that makes me happy or will make me happy. Will accomplishing any of these things make me happy? Then I started thinking, are these things that I want, or goals or expectations that outside forces (other people, society as a whole, etc...) want for me? Perhaps I will feel a sense of accomplishment, but joy and accomplishment are two different things that don't always go hand in hand, and I guess can be easily confused.

Then from there it became about a definition of happiness. I guess there are many ways to happy, not just this bursting excitement. For example, I am happy that I have somewhere to live, but it's not something I celebrate. I suppose there's a happiness based on contentment, relaxation and security.

But maybe I'm over complicating things. Maybe it really all comes down to the present moment in time. Am I happy doing what I'm doing right now? I guess I figure a whole bunch of small happy moments together would culminate into general happiness over a long period of time.

My Type

Having an interesting discussion with my boss (who is female) today at the office. It's kind of a slow day, so we were talking about attraction. We were comparing photos of two girls, one who I find attractive, and one that I don't. To me, there's a huge difference. To my surprise, my boss actually found the other girl to be more attractive! Not only that, she found that there to be little difference between their levels of attractiveness. To put it mildly, I was shocked. There was a girl who use to work for our major client that I had a HUGE crush on. My boss knows about it, she told me that she never understood what I saw in her.

From here, we started to dissect people's features, common threads amongst people we found attractive. It was interesting, because we both looked for very different features. My boss was all about the bone structure and skin tone. Where I was more about the eyes and smile. Her argument was that you could always put make up on a girl, but you need a structure underneath, and that most girls wore make up anyway. I said that I want a girl that I find attractive without make up, because most of the time if you're at home, the girl isn't going to be wearing make up.

Whenever people ask me what my type is, I usually say the girl next door type. But after our conversation, I guess it got even narrower. This isn't to say I wouldn't stray from these features, but I guess they are what I find ideally attractive.

I guess our findings were that I like a girl that is more on the cute, fresh faced, girl next door type. :P My boss called it the youthful wholesome type. Larger eyes, full lips, rounder cheeks, pointy chin. I thought about it for awhile, then compared those features to people I found attractive, and it sounded about right. Reese Witherspoon, Keri Russell, Anne Hathaway, it kind of all came together! Weirdness.

Things You're Never Too Old For - Part 1

I always saw graduating university and having a "real" job as being benchmarks of adulthood. In hindsight, this couldn't be further from the truth. However since then, I found myself still enjoying things that I did in my youth. I remember once I asked a friend of mine who is four years older than myself, if it ever stops. He said no, at first you try to deny yourself, thinking that you've outgrown things or should be too mature to participate in such things, but eventually you will relent and succumb to the fact that it's just part of you.

1) Checking Out Girls

This particular thing is the example from the story above. While I am not as bad as I use to be when I was in my teens, it still happens. After polling different guys, it is an activity that was universal amongst all ages. My boss put it this way "The day I stop checking out women, is the day I die". Sounds about right.

2) Saturday Morning Cartoons

This one might be specific to me, but I'll still put the tv on teletoon on Saturday mornings if I'm home with a bowl of cereal and watch Teen Titans, Clone Wars or Amazing Spider Man. Sure the jokes can be cheese sometimes, but regardless the format, the stories are still the stories. And I would much rather be caught watching Dexter's Laboratory than something like Laguna Beach.

3) Celebrity Crushes

This was almost every guy's obsession when I was in high school. Who was the current hottest celebrity out there. At the time the majority chose Jennifer Aniston, though I was more of a Courtney Cox fan, I eventually switched over, the Rachel hairdo got me, her initial haircut on Friends was terrible (seriously, watch the first season, WTF was that). Over the years it's changed as celebrities' fame comes and goes. 

I think it's important to have these celebrity crushes. Now before you laugh at me, hear me out. Of course we have no idea what that person is actually like, but it doesn't really matter, it has nothing to do with reality. Having a celebrity crush is like having that impossible dream that one aspires to. If one does not aspire to hope and dream, then what does one have to look forward to?

BTW, My one of current is Zooey Deschanel. She can act, she can sing, her blog is funny, has an almost equally hot older sister and she speaks French. Damn you Ben Gibbard (of Death Cab for Cutie), you are one lucky ass dude.

4) Candy

I don't mean "desserts" or junk food, I mean candy. You know, the stuff you ate as a kid that you probably rarely eat now, that's probably nothing more than food colouring and sugar. A few years ago I had pop rocks after not having them for years. It was awesome! Some other favourites include Popeye sticks (admit it, you pretended to smoke too!), Nerds and Fuzzy Peaches/Swedish Berries. I haven't had any of these in a few years, but on the rare occasion that I do, it's good stuff.

5) Playing in the Sand

I was sitting on the beach the other day, waiting for a beach volleyball game to finish. Sub consciously I just started running my hands through the sand. Picking it up and piling it it's a little mound, then flattening it and starting over again. Sometimes I'll just start making random sketches in the sand. I saw some kids making sand castles, I didn't tell anybody, but I wanted to join them! It looked like so much fun!

6) Blasting Music Really Loud and Singing Along

Growing up, everybody in our house woke up and got ready for the day at the same time. My dad use to play his music so loud that it seemed the walls were shaking from the Calypso music of the Mighty Sparrow. Eventually my brother would blast whatever the Hip Hop choice of the day was. From my room would be some form of Alt Rock. Walking in the hallway upstairs, you would be bombarded with three sources of music.

Now that I live on my own, I still do that every morning. And if my dad could do it well into middle age, I don't see why I still can't either.

Summer 2011 Update

Okay so it's been quite a long time since I've written one of these. I've been meaning to for awhile, but haven't really had the time. I guess here's a quick rundown

1) Beach Volleyball
I've always liked playing volleyball, but never really had the time for it. But I was so sick and tired of doing the same thing, that it was time (actually way overdue) to mix things up. I haven't met a whole new group of people where I didn't know anybody for a really long time. It's quite an intimidating situation to be in. I figured I'll try it once, if it's terrible, then what's the big deal, it's only one night. The people were really cool and now I'm doing it a few times a week. The people are way better than the people at badminton. Okay that's not really true, it's more that they're different. I mean a whole bunch of asian guys sitting around a gym, yeah you guys are cool and all, but it's no beach full of a variety of people. On that note...

2) No More Badminton
Oh man, I can't begin to describe how sick of badminton I am. While I owe plenty to the sport, I just can't keep playing. Maybe in the winter I will change my mind, but there's only so much you can talk about with middle aged people or fresh grads/students.

3) Goodbye Internet Dating
Yeah, I'm done with that I think for awhile. I admit that I did try it just once recently with mediocre results, but since the spring, I've decided to give it a rest. I really don't think it's for me. There's just something unnatural about meeting somebody from a dating site. For those who it has worked for, congratulations to you, but it's just not for me.

4) Hello Real World Dating
So this is a new one. On a few occasions is "real life", I've encountered women who I've struck up a conversation with. But I have yet to pull the trigger on actually asking for a phone number or a date. I know I have to make this leap for it to actually go anywhere, but for now I'm satisfied with baby steps. Not so new discovery, the supermarket is an awesome place to meet people.

5) It's like 90210/Melrose Place/The OC/Dawson's Creek
Jumping into new social circles comes with its variety of situations. It's an interesting perspective as an outsider, you get to observe and see people interact. What relationships are what, how people are and perhaps what their intentions might be. My guess is that most people are single, because if you're not, how would you have the time to spend 3-4 nights at the beach? Plus you see it in the interactions, people are trying to pick up other people, some are more obvious than others. You can tell who isn't single, because you see them with much less frequency. It's like a real life soap opera.

6) Dating With Kids
On more than one occasion now, I've encountered women with kids. They were very interesting, and we had a great time talking, but once the "K" word came along, dum dum dum! I'm still not sure what to do with this one. I really am not in a stage in my life where I can see jumping into daddy mode anytime soon. And it would be very unfair to sell that to somebody. But I can't help but think to myself whether or not I might be missing out on somebody who could be amazing.

7) Politics/Power Tripping
This jump into a new social circle has also made me see again how the world is made up of different people. I'm completely surprised by the amount of politics there are in the beach volleyball scene. It really brings out the not so hidden agendas of people.

It's like using the ownership of the beach vball net as a form of social currency. First of all, I get that it's your net and it's really up to you how things are run, but the power trip that goes along with it isn't necessary. Doesn't make you fucking king of the world. Second of all, girls fall for this shit? If so, then as a gender, you're not "smarter" than how it is sometimes portrayed.

Then of course there are the suck ups, the peons, the minions, it's retarded. I'm completely blown away how quickly somebody is willing to kiss ass.

8) Priority Shakedown
I really do believe in life going in close to 5 year cycles, where there's a huge transition based on changing situations and needs/priorities. When I first started this blog, I think I wrote that I felt as if I was right at the beginning of a new one. I can see how it's changing in other people as well. I find myself talking less with my best friend. I'm pretty sure a lot of that has to do with our differing priorities and viewpoints on things. For the last few months, he's been complaining to me about how the guys in his group of friends (whom a couple have become my friends), have been drifting away. So for awhile I felt bad about it, but at the same time I'm also not sorry either.

Recently I've taken up golfing with a bunch of them, spending 4 hours on a course with people, you get to know them pretty well. And I've kind of come up with what's been happening. People are growing and changing, all going through that shift around the same time, but in different ways. This made me feel better for a couple reasons.

First is that, it's that everybody is changing, and it's not on purpose that people are drifting apart. It just happens, and there's nothing wrong with that. Then once everybody settles, then your social situation realigns to other people who are in the same boat. It only makes sense.

Second is that it's up to each individual to choose whether to move on, or to complain. Nobody is going to be sorry that their lives are changing, nor should they have to.

Sidestepping Darwin

In Darwin's Origin of Species, the strongest survive. You ever get the feeling that our society has become so overwrought with our political correctness and sensitivity, that we're somehow overriding nature? It's as if we're trying to accommodate the lowest of the low. On a large scale, social services such as welfare gets abused by the lazy. Kids are "not allowed" to fail a grade in elementary school, as not to hurt their fragile self-esteem. On a small scale, it seems like we have warning signs for every little tiny thing. May as well have a disclaimer on paper saying "careful of edges, may cause papercuts".

Because of this, we allow the weakest to survive at the cost of the greater society. Middle and upper class have to pull up the weight of the stragglers, common sense needs to be pointed out as to make sure that even the most intellectually devoid person will not fall into some sort of accident. I was reading an interview with Clint Eastwood a few months ago, where he stated, men use to be a lot tougher. And I really have to agree to an extent, society has made the world such a cushy place. This whole notion of leave nobody behind. Maybe people need to be left behind, in this regard we are circumventing evolution. The human race is in fact getting weaker/stupider in a way by not only allowing the weak to survive, but to reproduce!

Here's an example, everybody now knows that smoking is unhealthy, we plaster HUGE warnings and spend tens of millions on commercials. Trust me, we got the message. Yet people still do it, and it's not as if the warnings didn't get to them, especially in this information driven age. I say, let them puff their fuckin lungs out. Then of course they get lung cancer or some shit that I have to pay my taxes into OHIP because they didn't "listen"? WTF is that?

Socialism/communism exists as a utopian concept, in real world practice it would never work, yet we're moving closer and closer towards this. It is always taken advantage of by corruption of the administration and by the weakest links being dragged along. It also has a way of creating a malaise amongst its working class, as performance has no bearing as to the reward.

In school, I'd do fairly well, what I didn't understand was that there were kids that would fail everything miserably, whether due to disinterest or lack of ability. I'm not saying they're useless, but this is just not their area of strength, which is fine. But what would really get me is how year after year, they get passed through. Now as an adult, things like this bug me even more. So the same people (perhaps), I now have to pay inflated taxes, not only to make sure the slackers are taken care of. My "income" is now also going to fund the education of kids who have no desire at all to be there, or even worse, to distract and take away educational value from kids who actually do? To top it all off, to pad the wallets of the politicians, to whom the best of my knowledge, are as corrupt as they come?

"Don't you want a girlfriend?"

This question was asked to me tonight during a conversation I had with a previous friend recently (reference previous blog post). I decided to make a separate post for this, since this questions spurred on a whole bunch of thoughts at once.

I was surprised that right away I didn't go "yeah of course!" right away. My answer was more like "well it would be nice, though I guess I'm getting use to being on my own, I am dating though, but I'm fairly okay with the way things are now". I suppose that's a good sign. Must mean I'm content being single.

His response after though did strike a bit of an alert in me, which was "if you want one, better get on that" as if time is running out. I suppose the original question was posed in a way, as if it's as easy as going to the store and picking one up. It's really not that simple, and I'm not looking for some short term, just for fun relationship. I was in a relationship that I knew wasn't right for me for so long, I don't really want to waste my time in the same situation. While my dating life has been filled with girls that have turned me down, I have also turned down a few girls as well. If I were to just stay with them because they were available and willing, where would that really get me? Probably right back here in a short amount of time.

Now while I don't think I'm running out of time per se, I understand what he means. It's not like the dating pool is growing, (with divorce on the increase, perhaps that's not entirely true), but I don't want to feel like I'm in a hurry to find somebody. I've already done that once, and I ended up with a crazy one. But at the same time, I don't want to end up like the guy at the end of musical chairs, when the music stops, I don't have a seat. I'm pretty sure I'm too young to approach this as some sort of rush to walk a girl down to the altar, but with my peers getting married and having kids, it's difficult to not have the feeling of being left behind.

So I guess my answer is I do want one, but the right one. I suppose the problem is, you can't get to the right one, without going through a bunch of wrong ones.

:S FML (yeah, I hate the acronym, but I find it's fitting)

Coming Full Circle

Tonight I met up with somebody whom I haven't seen for a long time. Over the past few years, I've seen him a few times, but never had a conversation over 15 minutes. This person was my best friend in high school. The last time we actually sat and talked, was probably around 12+ years ago.

Somewhat out of the blue, he sent me a message on Facebook, suggesting we meet and catch up. With some admitted hesitation, I decided it would be a good idea. The reason I approached this with hesitation was because I was probably the biggest reason we did not stay friends. My girlfriend at the time was overly possessive and did not want me to stay friends with my group of friends at the time. Being young, naive and wanting to please my girlfriend, I obliged unwillingly. The last time that I bumped into the guy over a year ago, lets just say he didn't exactly let me forget that.

Anyway, so we met up, exchanged the customary guy hug, sat and had a coffee and talked. Interestingly, it took only a very short period of time to catch somebody up on over 10 years of happenings. Basically went  something like, went to university, got a job, stayed with the girlfriend, moved in with the girlfriend, broke up, moved out on my own, now I'm here. His story was relatively similar, went to university, got a job, married his girlfriend, got divorced, moved out on his own, found a new girlfriend. That conversation lasted not too long over 15 minutes.

It's surprising to me, how the past is quickly added up. My mind quickly thought, is this going to be the extent of the conversation? Was this a waste of time? The talk then shifted over quickly to what we were currently doing in our lives, mostly about work, hobbies, friends, family, etc... What I quickly found out was, that despite so much time passing by, we were both very different people than when we first became friends over 15 years ago, but at the same time we were still very much the same. I guess that over time, you grow and mature, but the core person who you really are stays the same.

This got me to thinking about shortly after Shelley (screw it, I'm using names) and I first broke up. I started to revisit my life before her. Started picking up the same hobbies and interests that I had given up on so many years ago. In a way I started becoming happier as I was rediscovering who I was as "Dave" rather than "Dave and Shelley". I had forgot how happy I was as just "Dave". Sure back then I wanted a girlfriend, and now it would be nice too, but looking back on it, I realize that I was happy back then, and I guess I'm trying to be just as happy now. I don't know if that's possible, after realizing what it's like to have a relationship of that magnitude, and the hole that it leaves.

It was interesting when I told him that I started to get back into things that I had brushed aside when Shelley and I started to date more seriously. This was my best friend at the time who I had brushed aside as well. While I highly doubt that we'll be hanging out all the time like we use to, maybe we'll start hanging out again occasionally.

It made me think, am I coming full circle?

Breaking Away From Consumerism

Living in a world, particularly in Western society, there is always a push for more. More of what? Everything!

But how much is enough? Is more really buying me greater anything, when with the way things are, a bigger, better version will be pitched to me in the foreseeable future?

For this reason, I'm thinking about getting rid of a ton of things. Things that don't make me happy, aren't contributing to my life in any way is just baggage.

At this point, experiences seem like a more worthwhile investment. How much more stuff do I need? And at this point, that's exactly what it is. Stuff, meaningless filler.

Habits Apparently I've Brought Back...

Drinking wine - just recently I realized I polished off a bottle of wine by myself this week, that never happened before

Eating Baguette and Brie - At least on the weekends, both Saturday and Sunday

Thankfully I didn't bring back the smoking

More France Observations

Things are coming back a bit, maybe now that the jet lag is subsiding...

WILDLIFE
- The only birds they have are pigeons and ducks. And both are aplenty.
- Is it just me, or nobody picks up after their dogs?
- Wild swans in Strasbourg, you mean they exist in the wild?
- Few if any squirrels
- In the cities, the trees are cut in squares

RELATIVITY
- Grocery stores there are so small and appear for emergencies only
- In fact, everything there is so small, with the exception of churches, bridges and landmarks (statues, arcs, etc...)
- Everything there is so old, I saw residential buildings there that are easily older than this country, and what's more impressive, it's still in use and fairly good condition given its age
- Certain things are dirt cheap: wine, cheese, bread, museums in particular
- Other things are way more expensive: clothing, fruits/vegetables, chocolate, water
- The cars are a lot smaller
- 30lb backpack doesn't feel heavy until you have to walk with it for over an hour on cobblestone walkways

FASHION
- The predominant fashion items for women include: roman sandals, ballerinas, heels, scarves, short cut blazers/cardigans/coats, one piece single colour short dresses, super slim jeans, small detail floral print, ponytails
- The predominant fashion items for guys include: tailored cut everything (suits, blazers, shirts, etc...), slim cut jeans,
- Trend on both sides: scarves, aviators/persols, is to tuck in your shirt at all times (that's everything from tshirts to dress shirts), belt buckles, thin horizontal stripes, navy/white, no shorts allowed

LIFESTYLE
- People there don't let themselves go, from toddlers to the elderly, everybody there is always put together
- They have 5 weeks of vacation, standard
- In Strasbourg, 30 minutes to go anywhere is really far for locals
- They live off of baguettes, people are constantly carrying one
- They dislike peanut butter
- They have a word for the inside part of the bread (meaning not the crust)
- There's no French word for awkward, they just don't get that way I guess
- You don't tip at restuarants
- They are big into their skateboarding. Not just kids either, we're talking middle aged men skateboarding outside the Musee D'Orsay
- Parks are where people pick up each other
- Couples get really close at the parks, why get a room when the park is right there
- There are no overweight people, I can't literally think of one, other than tourists
- Graffiti everywhere is the same
- There are lots of stairs everywhere
- I don't think I ever saw a gas station
- French pop music is really bad
- Tons of scooters and bicycles

GIRLS
- working at the hotel in Strasbourg
- working at the Brioche Doree in Lyon
- sightseeing at the Arc Triomphe
- the two girls from California eating dinner in Montmartre
- the Asian girl at Bernachon who unexpectedly understood English (the French don't get awkward, but apparently I still do)

France Trip by Point Form

THINGS DISCOVERED/CONFIRMED/DEBUNKED

French aren't as rude as people think, their English is much better than my French

The bread is even better than advertised

The wine can be cheap and decent (3 Euro/bottle), but you are better off spending around 6-8 Euros.

Paris restaurants are overrated

The girls are really that good looking

The washrooms are really that small

The trains are really that good

Cheese is considered dessert (I still disagree)

Coffee in France is really bad

Do NOT buy water in France (6 Euro/Litre, WTF!)

The produce is amazing, every supermarket is like a mini Niagara-on-the-Lake (bright red heirloom tomatoes at 24-hour grocery/convenience store?!)

The smoking isn't as bad as I thought, but it's still bad

Banette to Tim Hortons, is Paul to Second Cup

I can fit my windbreaker into a peanut butter jar (still need to shoot that video)

I have a weakness for girls that serve me samples/food

North Americans really wear their clothes poorly in terms of fit and coordination

We could really use an outbreak of a Canadian Revolution here

RANDOM AWESOME THINGS

Lyon has public water fountains where you turn a crank, and the water comes out of a lion's mouth. I want one. BADLY

There's a huge badminton facility in Strasbourg, and I saw a girl on the Metro in Lyon with a badminton racquet, I can officially move there.

This girl Elizabeth I met in Marseille from Cincinnati, talking about food and french culture.

Everybody goes for lunch outside and has picnics, we're talking everyday.

France Trip by the Numbers

There's a ton to write about the trip, so I decided to break it down into two posts, one by stats and one by point form.

FOOD
10 Baguettes
7 Bottles of Wine
5 Wheels of Cheese (Brie, Chevre x 2, Munster, Camembert)
1 Litre of Trail Mix
1 Michelin rated restaurant
1 Picnic by the Eiffel Tower
Food had includes Escargot, Creme Brulee, Onion Soup, Spatzle, Fois Gras, Quiche Lorraine, Croque Monsieur, Tarte Flambee, Macarons, Moules et Frites, Crepes
Infinite Boulangeries, Patisseries, Chocolatiers, Wine Shops and Restaurants

TRAVEL
15+ Hours on the Plane
5+ Hours of Layover
13+ Hours on the Train
3+ Hours on the Bus
100+ Hours of Walking
1 Detour to Germany

SIGHTS

1500 Photos

5 Notre Dames

1 Mediterranean Sea

Uncountable amount of girls

MISHAPS

1 Missed Train

1 Broken Tooth

1 Accidental return to Germany

1 Lost travel lock

1 Lost bag of food

"It's the fuckin' law"

"Scottish people are not allowed to rap. It's the fuckin' law"

- Fran Healy from Travis

I feel the same way about people making out during a concert. It's a concert! Or anywhere other public domain for that matter. I mean a kiss, even a long kiss fine. If you want to maul each other like wildebeasts on the animal planet, save that shit for home. At the very least, find yourself some secluded corner.

Clients, don't come to me and be like "yeah I don't know what I want". Today I had a client go to me "something's missing", so of course I ask what to they feel is missing or could be better, they reply "I don't know". If you don't know, how am I suppose to know? What do you take me for, some kind of fuckin magician?! And a really shit paid magician at that?

Don't make work for the sake of making work. I'm really here to complete my work as efficiently as possible so that I have free time. What's the point of making me fill the whole I just dug out, only so I can dig it out again from the other side.

Yeah I'm in an ornery mood. Dave! Out!

Impatient - Part 2

From writing the first part of this post, the thoughts below kept coming up. It also deals with Impatience, just in a different way. Probably because it's very fresh in my mind.

I've had a recent string of first dates, and I have to say, it's been increasingly annoying and frustrating. I am definitely losing my patience with it. I've had 3 dates in the last week and a half, having the last of the three a few hours ago. Of the 3, 2 have sparked my interest. I suppose 2 out of 3 isn't bad, BUT of those 2, neither appear to be particularly interested. And what really confuses me, is that during those 2 dates, things seemed to be going really well, at least from what I could tell. But I suppose reading situations has never been my strong suit.

It also doesn't help that I seem to go through spurts of dates, where within a week or two, I'll have a bunch of first dates, then go quite awhile without any. So there are long periods of just nothing. I guess I'm due for another period of nothing for awhile.

I've been actively dating again for approximately a year now, and have 15 first dates. You could make the argument, that things could be worse, I could've had none. Which reminds me, from what I can remember (because I try my best to block it out) I have also had a handful (by my count, 5) of turn downs as well. Back to my original point, of the 15, only 3 have turned into second dates, and only 1 into some form of relationship, which as stated above, was pretty crap in the end. I mean, a dude can only take so many blows to the ego here!

Am I doing something wrong in all of this? Maybe I'm too eager, or have unreasonably high expectations. Though knowing how rewarding and fulfilling a relationship can be, I suppose I feel like I have reason to be eager. In reference to my previous post about the fleeting nature of excitement and happiness, a fulfilling relationship is the only thing in my experience, to provide a constant and sustainable flow both.

My best friend, of recent (and not so recent) has been contemplating breaking up with his girlfriend. Another close friend got divorced from her husband after her experiences with incompatibility. While I see the incompatibilities in both situations, in one way, I can't help but think "WTF, make that shit work dude!" To my current eye, how do you throw something like that away? I have to admit though, after remembering spending so much time being disgruntled in my longest relationship, I can see how people would want to get out. But being in the situation that I am now, I am somehow partial to trying to see the positive in the relationships.

Anyway, I'm getting totally mindfucked by the situation. It's a combination of frustration, despair, anger, sadness, and to be completely honest, of rage. Seriously, thinking about it gets me almost to the point of breaking down. I mean it's not that I feel like life's shit on me totally, but it's the question of why it has in this domain being unanswerable fuels it even more.

Impatient - Part 1

I've never been a patient person. Especially when I've really wanted something. Though with getting older, things become much more accessible, or in some cases less desirable. For example, as a kid, ice cream is awesome. It's cold, it's cream, it's sugary, what more could you want? But it was always something that was distributed by people in authority (parents, teachers, etc...). Now, I can just buy a tub of ice cream whenever I want. And even so, I've had it so many times now, it's lost it's cache. A tub of ice cream can last in my freezer for well over a month.

It's good in some ways because I'm not constantly wanting something. But at the same time it's sad, because does that mean there are less things that make me that excited? or that it's more difficult to get excited over things?

The last time I was really excited, was when I was going out with that girl who ended up being, well crazy to put it mildly. That was well over half a year ago. Before that it was when I moved into my new place, well over a year ago now. And even then I wasn't super excited. I needed somewhere to live. It was out of necessity more than enjoyment, not that I haven't.

I'm super excited about going on vacation in at the end of the week though. In fact, the last two weeks, I've been pretty cranky, because I just want the vacation to arrive. Probably also because I've also been stressed about it and have been a tough time sleeping. But that should come in handy for the 10+ hours in transit.

After having a discussion in regards to the topic above, as well as new developments, a few new points have come to light.

The first being, that there will be the unfortunate fall back to earth and to the mundane. How long do these moments of excitement last? Days if you're lucky, weeks if you're really lucky.

Secondly, there are little points of excitement there and there. But they're very fleeting. Having a good day on the court, making a successful dish, scoring a date, and so on. But the longest any of these last, is minutes, hours at the very best.

Thirdly, being older means less things that are new. It's really only new experiences that get people excited. And maybe that's the problem, that I need to push my boundaries more. But even having said that, the moments are still short and unsustainable.

Thirdly, really, only 2 things per year to get excited about? 2?!?!?!?! That is honestly to me, MINDBLOWING. I mean, 10+ months of the year, I'm practically sleepwalking through life. Here's my daily life in a nutshell, wake up, eat, go to work, eat, work, walk for coffee, work, come home, eat, insert activity here (some combination of badminton, squash, working out, tv, internet), go to bed. Exciting stuff eh? OMG, 2, I seriously can't get over that.

Moments of Clarity

Have you read Malcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point? In a nutshell, it's about how small factors alter the outcome of situations. While maybe not the best metaphor, I find my life has had certain moments of clarity where decisions were made based on specific things happening that just flipped a switch all of a sudden.

I think I just had one.

dum dum dum...!

Not to get all philosophical and all, but...

You ever wonder if any of this is real? Not that I think we're all living in some dream world, when in reality we're enslaved by robots.

I'm not dodging bullets anytime soon

The world is so big, yet life is such an individual experience.

Latest Words of Wisdom (via Darren)

Its about knowing what you want vs what other people want

My Own Breakfast Creation

2 Cups Multigrain Cheerios
1 Fairly Rip Banana sliced
Chocolate Milk
Crushed Walnuts (optional)

I've been making this for awhile now, but thought I should share. It's soooooooo good.

Question. (said like Dwight Schrute)

I find as time goes on, I'm becoming, I don't know if indifferent is the right world, but my expectations are lower. Anyway, here's the question.

Better to be "All or Nothing!" or "Well, this is alright."?

You Know You're Getting Old When...

1) You don't recover physically as quickly.
This is both big and small, from major injuries to minor scrapes. Even papercuts take longer to heal!

2) You worry about things that you never worried about before.
Things like the weather, politics, price of gas, price of milk, etc...

3) Going to bed past midnight counts as a late night.
Even if it's on the weekend.

4) Waking up late is waking up past 9 in the morning.
Even if it's on the weekend.

5) Music you listen to is played on Adult Contemporary radio.
I shake my fist at you CHUM 104.5

6) You can't wear certain things anymore.
Not without feeling juvenile anyway.

7) People around you are getting old.
This happens all the time, but now you notice it. Your parents are less capable, your friends are more grown up, and "little kids" aren't so little anymore.

8) Developing a sense of nostalgia.
Awwwwww, remember when...?

9) You don't get the new/newest trends.
Justin Bieber, Auto-tune, The Hills, Twitter, Vampires, among others.

I wonder...

Is Sarah Chalke destined to only play the dorky guy's love interest in sitcoms forever?

MadLove - starring Sarah Chalke and Jason Biggs

Pimping Yourself Out

That's what it feels like, this whole dating thing. Not in the Xzibit, pimping out rides kind of way. I'm talking street walker, fishnet wearing, smeared mascara kind of way.

I've had quite a few discussions on this topic, and the opinions on it vary quite greatly. But generally there are two camps when it comes to this, and of course both are widely apart from each other. While they both sound good in theory, neither are both flawed in their own ways.

1) Sell Yourself
Basically you're going to do your best to show yourself in the best light possible. Hiding all your flaws, and exaggerating all your strengths. Selling yourself to somebody how great you are. You're trying to get somebody to like you. In this form, you're treating dating like a competition that is to be conquered.
I don't really like selling myself, it just feels gross. It feels too much like a sales pitch, like some sleazy used car salesman trying to get one by the customer. And why should I "try" to get somebody to like me? Aren't they suppose to like you for who you are regardless? And really, is this act sustainable long term?

2) Be Yourself
You don't really try too hard, no real song and dance, just let things happen as they may. Things will work out if they're suppose to, the thinking being that somebody will like you for just being you. This is more the "letting nature take its course" approach.
This seems more utopian and idealistic, but in some ways, highly unrealistic. Will anything really get done if you don't really try? It feels like you're waiting around helplessly for something to happen. People are also generally not super interesting if you really think about it, we're different, but mostly we're in a large group of average. We all eat, sleep, drink, have friends, hobbies and so on. Can anybody get excited by that?

Is there a right way or a wrong way? Is it an individual decision? Is it really a matter of effort?
Thoughts?

Valentine's Day?

Even though last year on Valentine's Day I was single, it didn't really feel like it since emotionally I still felt somewhat in disarray. This year is a completely different story...to a certain extent I guess. So I'm really counting this one as my first one being single in a long time.

Reminders of Valentine's Day is coming up is everywhere, supermarkets, radio ads, email spam, and so on. Yet to me, it hasn't even been a thought it my mind. Some time last week at work, somebody reminded me that Februrary 14th would be coming up soon. My first thought was "ummmmmm yeah so?". It had not even really entered my consciousness that it was happening.

I find it surprising that there is a semi-holiday that specifically geared towards couples. For the rest of us, it is just another day.

Things that make me annoyed...

Yeah I should be focusing on the positive, but sometimes, stuff happens, and you just can't help but get out of sorts.

1) Driving during non peak hours.
There are two worlds, the working world, and the non-working world. When all the working people are driving to work, everybody has somewhere to go. Sure there can be traffic, but everybody is trying to move as quickly as possible. Week days during the day in particular, are filled with people that have nowhere to go. And it totally shows in the way the flow of traffic occurs. It's like a mass of people on auto-pilot la-dee-da mode. Drive 10 under? Why not. O...M...G....

2) Losing stuff.
To be honest, I'm really good at this one, so I get annoyed at myself a lot. Especially when it's something you need in a rush, it's so stressful.

3) Clients who insist on making things look awful.
And why do they do this you ask? Oh, because they just love the colour fusia and other lame reasons like that. I don't tell them how to do their job, they really shouldn't tell me how to do mine.

4) Overplayed, overly festive or schmaltzy music.
This includes the following: Just Like a Waving Flag, I Believe, My Heart Will Go On, anything by Aqua (other than Barbie Girl which has some cool subversive lyrical content),

5) Canceling plans at the last minute.
I don't know, this didn't bother me so much when I was younger. But now I find I have so much stuff to do (not that I'm popular, more that I have more things to take care of), that I'm usually trying to move stuff around to get things done. So when my schedule gets out of sorts all of a sudden, I'm kinda like "I could've been doing...", drives me nuts.

6) Slow computers.
That spinning rainbow wheel of death (or the hour glass for you PC people out there), can be really annoying. Granted a few seconds is okay, but when it ends up with hearing the hard drive churning all of a sudden, and the computer lockdown to the point where you're afraid of the wind blowing the wrong way will cause your program to completely crap out, just to open a simple file, it's bad stuff. Better than the old blue screen of death I suppose...

7) Illustrator crashing when you haven't saved a file in a long time.
Save your files. But that leads me to wonder why Adobe hasn't developed some sort of auto-recovery back up. Microsoft Office has it.

8) That unhealthy food tastes soooooooo good.
If only french fries, potato chips, chocolate, butter, etc... were filled with vitamins and nutrients.

Living Life to the Fullest?

I've recently rediscovered this notion of "living life to the fullest". I'm not saying that I do that, if anything far from it, but I find it interesting that it is something that a lot of people strive for. I think it's a great goal to have and is meant to push people to their limits. I am just wondering lately, how plausible is that goal? Is it even remotely attainable?

I just filled out my time sheet at work, it's the 85th time sheet since starting my current job. That means I've been here a total of 43 months. It's not easy to live life to the fullest, when most of your life is spent attached to a desk. When I think of what it would take to make my life the "fullest", it would take a combination of things.

1) I'd have to be enjoying what I am doing, all the time.

2) I'd have to feel as if I am contributing to the betterment of society somehow.

3) I'd have to be able to live comfortably.

4) I'd be constantly growing and learning.

5) I'd be experiencing new things, places and challenges.

That's a very tall order.

That being said, is this possible?

Life is...

NOW

You know what your problem is? Your all brains... not enough cock and balls!

The above quote is from the movie Road Trip, and it's always kind of stuck with me. I'm pretty sure it applies to me.

I'm pretty notorious for over thinking and analyzing things. Just ask my mom. Or any of my past girlfriends. Okay anybody who's known me for that matter. Either that or I don't think at all, and just do things.

I've always been afraid of failure, but maybe failure isn't a bad thing. Over thinking things just makes things more complicated than they need to be. I suppose you learn more by failure than success, but failure does suck.

Yeah I'm a person of extremes.

Maybe that's my life lesson, to find balance between extremes.

Paprika and Cayenne Pepper are not the same...

My tongue is on fire.

'Nuff said.

Can Somebody Tell Me Why...

is it that I seem to only like girls who live 45+ min away from where I live? :(

Did somehow God misplaced me on earth by 75 km?

My Love Hate Relationship With Sleep...

I hate sleeping at night, it's the only time sometimes I feel like I have to myself. I can always feel myself fight it, trying to squeeze in this or that. But once I actually do go to bed and fall asleep, something happens.

Sleeping becomes as awesome as it gets. I love sleeping, especially in the morning. Waking up becomes the enemy. The problem is, that's the time I am suppose to be awake.

Paradox... :(

New Years Resolutions

Okay... so I loosely made New Years Resolutions, but just over 1 week into the new year, I've already broke all of them! So, if I put it in writing, it holds me more accountable! Right? Right!

01) Start working out again. After 4 months off, it's time to get back on that horse.

02) Learn to cook more stuff. Okay this one I've tackled, but keep it going!

03) Eat a bigger breakfast. I eat a pretty healthy breakfast, but maybe I should eat more so I'm not hungry by 10:30.

04) Update my portfolio and website. Ugh, this one has had me groaning for a long time now.

05) Start looking for freelance work again. Like really look and apply.

06) Keep my place clean. Do a major clean up once a week. Honestly, this one is so huge for me, this one is worth the first 5 combined!

Holiday Hangover

Is it just me? Or does this January malaise happen every year?

Just a general feeling of blah. Is it returning to work? Is it the weather?

I don't know, all I know is, I miss the holidays... :(